Emotional new grandparent

Hi MeAnge My first GD arrived on Wed after three days labour, much of it home with us over Christmas. I had expected to feel like you do but, strangely, feel v detached. Possibly having seen DD in labour for ages; baby so squashed and weird looking on arrival it was really quite distressing; DD and SIL so close and determined to do it all themselves that my dreams of being a hands-on Grandma Mentor as my mum was to me have been somewhat shattered; or maybe it's because they live two hours away, going home tmw, and l can't afford to be driving myself mad in permanent yearning mode. It will sort and in meantime am being cheerful and enthusiastic etc. So enjoy yr emotional state and be glad you aren't like those of us who expected to feel like you do but can't!!

Congratulations on the new gs! Hopefully, you've calmed down by now and are just reaping the joys of being a new gm!

Congratulations! Enjoy it all, and don't be surprised that your life has changed so much. Many of us are lucky enough to have had the same feelings, and being a grandparent gives you a whole new outlook on the future.

Oh MeAnge know exactly how you feel. My DD had our first grandchild 6 weeks ago. It was a very traumatic labour and birth but oh boy when he arrived fell totally in love.

First grandchild on both sides (both grandmas equally besotted) first great grandchild.

I am er.. Quite hard nosed (allegedly) my colleagues have delighted in my delight. And oh the tears, especially the first week.

And just so you know, he is the most beautiful baby anyone has ever seen - and the cleverest .

Hello
I too am a new grandmother and have been crying on and off for 2 weeks with emotion!But also sadness as my DIL isn’t nice to me and hasn’t let me hold my new grandchild much at all. I feel very unwelcome when I visit and am so very afraid that this precious baby is not going to be in my life. This baby looks so much like my son and daughter - I am aching with love each time I see him. I get so jealous when I see pictures on social media with my DIL friends holding the baby or worse, my DIL mother. Can any of you wise people help me? I feel so miserable at a time when I should be full of joy. Thank you

I need some opinions on when to start seeing your first grandchild..it is due in june and coming from nz to europe is a long trip...
My daughter in law has her mother round the corner and i/we r more inclined to come over when the baby is older and we can spend time that counts with him. Any opinions?

Emma14 The baby is only two weeks old. let the new parents have time to get to know their child, and your time will come later. It may seem that your daughter in law's mother is spending more time with the baby, but she is probably there to help and support her own daughter who only gave birth two weeks ago. A new mother often needs her own mother at a time like this.

Many congratulations on becoming a grandparent.
You say that your daughter in law is not very nice to you, you could try smothering her with kindness and consideration, and then maybe she will be nicer.

I am sure that in time you will get to know your new grandchild and be a wonderful grandmother - just not quite yet.

Emma14 I can offer no solutions but do offer my sympathy.

Take things very slowly Emma14 your time will come girls always gravitate to their mums as I'm sure you did when you had your first child,2 weeks is not long for the new mum to get into a routine so just let it take its course,is your son off work on paternity leave if so let them bond and when he goes back to work offer any help she needs carefully and remember things said (specially to DILs) cannot be retracted if said in haste.
I will have this scenario in May when my 8th DGC will be born my DIL is very close to her mum and I will only get invited as and when she sees fit but I can live with that now.
Congratulations on being a nanna you will love it,I know I do.

Oh I thought I was the only one! When my first grandchild was born I kept waking in a panic all night thinking I hadn't heard him crying for a long time. Of course I hadn;t - he wasn't even in my house! But I was as tense as if it was my baby. Parents need to cut the grandparents some slack when they fuss over the baby's care - I think it's just some sort of weird nature hormonal thing.

I think some grandmothers need to calm down a bit. I have 5 GC, love them all, look after them lots but they have a mum and dad. It all sounds a bit hysterical to me.

I'll probably get shot down in flames here but I find all this 'I'm not getting my share of the baby." quite worrying.
A baby is not a commodity to be shared around.

As for parents cutting the fussing grandparents some slack, do the grandparents not realise how upsetting the constant do this, don't do that, is he alright, give me the baby can be?

Eglantine I couldn't agree more. We had our babies, give them a bit of space with theirs. I think if people are a bit less intense things work out.

Well when I said cut them some slack I really didn't mean give in to the nagging and do what you're told, of course. Remind the grandparents you're the parent and coping fine without their fuss but not actually condemn them for feeling anxious or hold it against them long term like some new parents do. It's a naturally anxious time for all, and I think nature made it that way to ensure that between the whole matriarchal chain the offspring would be attended to. Apparently cats are really like that - the grandma is usually ready to step in if an inexperienced feline mother gets a bit neglectful

Hi, MeAnge,

I’m not over 50 (I’m in my 20s), but I made an account just to respond to this. I know it’s an old post, but I just had to send you a reply.

Your post brought me to tears. My nana was murdered this last year, and we were very, very close. She was the first person to hold me and always talked of how it was the proudest she had ever felt, and how she had never felt a bond like that before. She went home and left her abusive husband of 20 years the same night she met me. She needed to turn her life around so she could be a good Nana for me. She always said I saved her. She cried a lot on my birthdays and achievements, and I didn’t understand until I was older. Please don’t stop crying for your grandbaby. I cherish those moments, and in retrospect, it’s confirmation that she felt as strongly for me as I do for her. I wish she could have seen me cry out of love for her in return more while she was still alive.

I had moved back to my hometown to be closer to my grandparents about 6 months before her unexpected death - I am so grateful that I did.

I am very close with my great grandma as well, my nana’s mom. Since my nana was killed, we have spent as much time together as I can squeeze in. We both need it - as you can imagine.

She tells me stories about how my late great grandpa (her husband, my nana’s dad, ny papa) felt a force of love and pride he had never felt when I was born - his first great grand child. My granny loved to tell the story of the tears streaming down his cheeks when I was born, and how he couldn’t stop looking at me. And how he showed me off at church and began to cry. How he taught me to crawl because I would only butt-scoot. I’m crying now even thinking of him. I loved him so, so much. I am lucky enough to have such magical relationships with 3 of my grandparents.

I sob when I even think of my Granny. I just cherish her so much, and I would do anything in the world for her. It’s an overwhelming feeling of love. It’s scary to love anybody that much. Ever since my nana passed, I realize how rare and irreplaceable the unconditional love of my grandparents is. When she’s gone, I won’t fe a love like that again until I have my own grandbabies. This I know. And I can’t wait.

I found your post because I was googling “why can’t I stop crying because I love my Granny so much?” Thank you for the clarity. You helped me answer my own question. I hope you are enjoying your grandbabies. You’re a great Nana.

Sending Love,
Taylor

8 year old thread.

Tfarmer just read your post. So very sorry about your granny. Enjoy happy times with your great grandma.