Apologies

LLL - And for your next dissertation, may we have a lecture on the effects of negative posting, and a genuine apology from you for not assisting the great unwashed to move to your exalted higher plain?

glamma the phrase you’re looking for is ‘TLDR’
(Too long didn’t read)

I couldn't read all of that post. I don't like jargon. And anyway Never apologise. Never explain

Never apologise, Never explain - is this why we have too many estranged children? I don't understand how anyone can expect to have a relationship with another person, if this is their motto in life.

The younger generation will live and learn via your examples. If your motto is Never apologise. Never explain this is exactly what they will use when they justify cutting you off from their lives. But many still say, * "I don't know what I did wrong?"* Interesting times!

None of my 3 DSs has cut off contact with me. I am close to my DIL and the other prospective DILs. They know I love and care for them. It's sickening, but "Love means never having to say you're sorry", you know

LLL what I find works well in all relationships is a GSOH.
‘Life's unfair, suck it up’ is another good one to build resilience I think.

Please would you give some examples of a sincere apology.

I'm having fun with cliches today! Yours is noted for future reference ja. In fact rather than sincere apologies let's all run our family relationships on cliches. One my gran always believed in was "Least said Soonest mended" Something I don't believe the OP has even heard of!

trisher my DC’s have said they are going to have “pull yourself together” engraved on my tombstone

Oh I love that

The taxonomy of apologies reminds me of one of my favourite characters Cyrano de Bergerac on ways of delivering an insult and I am sure it could be adapted

www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9lBvvYntwI

youtu.be/YRbXWiXe7wk

Lll I wish you could actually witness whAt some people have gone through. Until you witness, or are treated the way some of the posters have been treated, you have no idea if a “sorry” off your list would help. Many times sorry “should be coming from the other side as well. Many times the grandparents are pushed away so much they actually move on, which becomes titled estrangement. As I was told by another poster, I need to lower my expectations. I am choosing to do that and keep backing away more as to not get hurt more. A “sorry wouldn’t help my situation. Real people are posting for support that are hurting. I’m one of them, you clearly were referring to my post too. I think you should say your sorry to all of us that just had our feelings dismissed by your post.

Am I allowed to express my (cynical, moi?) opinion of the original post as more than a tad pretentious?
After 70 years of “life experience” eggs/granny/teach/and suck spring to mind.

Have you actually read the threads to which you refer LLL? If you had you would have seen just how many apologies have been made, how much GNs have done to try to repair broken relationships. Do you really think we don't know how to make a genuine apology? Your post beggars belief.

Presumably you are American with your spelling of mum, as Mom? If that is the case then perhaps you need to learn something of British culture before you start to criticise and patronise us?

Do you analyse every apology before accepting it? Do you stop and consult your list before making an apology?

Are you doing the same thing on Mumsnet to the DiLs who have no time for their MiLs?

......and for my next sermon I will show how world peace can come tomorrow if we all say sorry.

Sorry is the word taught to children by parents, grandparents and teachers,
It is an apology that we except with good grace.
It does not need quantifying.
Actions thereafter speak louder than words.

I am still interested LLL as to what you deem to be the perfect apology (if there is such a thing)

trisher 'least said Soonest mended'
Is good advice.

Although probably doesn't apply on GN

I think I will learn all these and practice one a week - now who will I choose as recipient?

Why is this posted under Grandparenting? Are grandparents the only people who the OP thinks don't know how to apologise? Presumably the OP is not only American but also young enough to know everything.

I am being serious now LLL.

I have no personal axe to grind, but I’ve read a lot of threads (on Scarymommy mainly) where adult children explain why they have gone no-contact with ‘narcissistic’ or ‘toxic’ parents.
It seems to me that these AC have been provided during their childhoods, with food, clothing, and a home, but feel they not been nurtured emotionally in some way, and they have missed out on their entitlement to a healthy emotional upbringing as well as healthy physical one.

What they seem to find hard to accept is that the vast majority of parents do the very best they can, often in difficult circumstances, or that not everyone has a high level of emotional intelligence.
The parents themselves may have not been nurtured emotionally as children themselves, and thus have difficulty in fulfilling a nurturing role themselves.
As John Lennon put it ’How can I give love if I don’t know what love is’
The current generation of grandparents were mainly brought up by parents who had lived through the Second World War and many of whom had suffered the privations and traumas attendant on that. And been brought up themselves by parents who had suffered the First World War.
The scars never fade and are passed down the generations.

I think that one of the marks of maturity is when you can take an emotional step back from your parents, stop seeing them in the parent role, accept that they are people who have had their own problems and difficulties to contend with, and forgive them for any perceived shortcomings.
Apologies don’t come into it.

Quote "Thought I was going to help in the re-conciliatory process by highlighting the main forms apologies that would further lead to alienation, whilst helping in more sincere apology techniques. Some are sounding extremely offended despite me stating that this was case very specific, and as such did not apply to all cases."Can you give an example in the words to be used of how to apologise effectively (as you have done in the list of how not to apologise effectively! Ofcourse, if someone doesn't know what they are apologising for, its hard to knoiw what to say anyway!

I have just read this thread and all I can say to the OP (not to anyone else!!) is - I'm gob smacked by the insensitivity and arrogance of your post.

Do you have family, are things in your life absolutely perfect?

I quite simply do not agree with anmd do not understand the "never apologise, Never explain" motto" - awful way to go through life!

madgran. I think we need a ‘tongue in cheek’ emoticon