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Grandparenting

Can a baby be TOO good?

(63 Posts)
Flaxseed Sun 20-May-18 10:25:53

I have been reluctant to post this as I fear everyone will think I’m mad! But it’s making me really anxious (I do suffer anxiety and am currently awaiting CBT)
My GS is now just over 8 months. He’s reaching his milestones albeit slightly later than DD friends babies.
He has always slept like a dream. He’s so contented and passive.
My DD’s were not like him at all (although DD2 - GS Mum was more content than her sister)
They certainly never slept so well and were often fussy and irritable.

GS was unwell last week and it was barely noticeable! He slept a bit more, wasn’t as smiley, and felt warm. These were the only indications that he was in fact running a high temperature.
Even being unwell, he wasn’t overly fussy.

This weekend his other grandparents looked after him and said to DD that they had never looked after such an easy, contented baby.

Now, I’m sure most grandparents wouldn’t consider this being a problem - but I have all sorts going round in my head.

I worry that there’s something wrong with him i.e Autism (my nephew is autistic and I can remember my sister saying he was a ‘text book baby’), or that he’ll be developmentally delayed.

I’m pretty sure I am being irrational and that I will be told to enjoy him being such a joy. But I just cannot shake off this fear confused
It probably doesn’t help that they realised the placenta was failing when DD had an emergency c section for severe pre eclampsia (a previous post back in August where I was stressed out again!)

Can anyone reassure me that they had really contented babies who grew up to be fine please?

Luckygirl Sun 20-May-18 10:30:32

Get thee to a CBT session!! grin

Yes - I had a contented baby - she is the most well-balanced and easy-going person you can imagine now and certainly no pathology there.

I hope you can relax and enjoy his loveliness and cross any bridges that present themselves in your path when they arrive (or not). Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof!

Flaxseed Sun 20-May-18 10:48:53

luckygirl
Thanks for your reply.

DD’s partner is very quiet and laid back. DD is a calm, kind person too, so I’m hoping that’s why GS is so laid back.

Thinking back to my experience when DD’s were babies, I was not well supported by my now ex hubby. I was constantly walking on egg shells. Maybe DD’s picked up on this (or maybe they were just miserable babies lol!)

Franbern Sun 20-May-18 11:07:13

Some babies/children/adults are easy going, placid and take things as they come. Just think how fortunate everybody is around this baby.
My eldest g.child is autistic - High end Aspergers. He was anything but a text book baby. I was experienced with babies, not only my own six, but also had fostered many many more, and had been an NCT counsellor. He was the first baby I had come across, that so hated being swaddled, even when a newborn. He was difficult to breast feed and nothing seemed to suit him. Definitely not an easy or good baby or toddler.
He was diagnosed by a family member who was an education psychologist when he was about 3 or 4, then finally officially when he turned five years old.
he is now fast approaching his 18th birthday, and he spent most of his secondary school years at a special school for autistic children where he learned management techniques. Now doing well on his (all science) A levels at local 6th form college.

Grannyknot Sun 20-May-18 12:48:26

Flaxseed before babies were so closely scrutinised smile my daughter (who is 39 years old and a very calm person), didn't ever crawl ( and I don't remember ever worrying about it). Instead, she "rolled around heaven all day" in her own little world - she literally rolled when she wanted to get somewhere. I found her asleep once on a pile of washing that I had not yet got around to putting in the machine!

My grandson is a very placid child and reached some of his milestones late. He has had all sorts of tests (initiated by his nursery) and has been found to be "within the normal range".

Flaxseed Sun 20-May-18 13:20:21

Franbern and any others reading - I hope I haven’t offended anyone by worrying about autism.
However my GS grows up - he will be very much loved.
But I have seen the obstacles my poor sister has come across throughout my nephews life.
His literal outlook on life is so refreshing and we all love him dearly. However, my sister has had to fight for assessments, special schooling etc etc. He is now an adult who will probably never work due to social and sensory issues and so her battles continue.

I’m sure GS has just inherited his parents ‘chilled’ genes and I am worrying unnecessarily.

I have told DD to make the most of it as placid babies are not guaranteed and the next one might be the total opposite!

Flaxseed Sun 20-May-18 13:29:48

grannyknot
I have heard others say their children never crawled.
How cute that your DD fell asleep amongst the washing!

GS is getting in position to crawl but so far only moves backwards. DD is quite happy he’s staying in one place at the moment!

The sitting up, crawling, walking doesn’t really worry me too much.

stella1949 Sun 20-May-18 13:34:42

Both my children were very relaxed, slept really well and were never fussy. They now have very different personalities but neither of them had any development problems. If your DGS is getting into the crawling position and going backwards at 8 months , that sounds fine, crawling is a huge milestone no matter what direction they go in. I'm sure he'll be fine.

paddyann Sun 20-May-18 13:56:55

my D never crawled she got on her feet and walked at 8 months ...we weren't prepared for that .I asked my GP about using stairgates and cupboard child safety locks as my mother never used them for us.Our lovely GP told me dont do it,you'll be worried for the next 4 years about when to take the gates down.When she tries to climb stairs just go up behind her .We did just that and had no dramas ,did the same with our son ,though he didn't walk until he was 14 months mainly becase he was very premature ,

Flaxseed Sun 20-May-18 14:22:01

Thanks.
The crawling isn’t an issue really - I was more concerned with how laid back/placid he is.

I guess it’s because mine were so different as babies.

mcem Sun 20-May-18 14:47:21

Baby #1 was very demanding, very active and walked early at 9 months. No problems as she grew up.
Baby #2 was very relaxed, slept well and walked at 13 months. No problems as she grew up.
Baby #3 was fairly demanding, bright and active. Walked at exactly one year. No problems.
My point is simply that they're all different and that if there are problems in the future, that's when you deal with them!

Maggiemaybe Sun 20-May-18 15:06:48

DD1 was a gorgeous, smiley baby who woke only to feed contentedly and gaze at us adoringly. I thought I was the perfect mum. 😊 Oddly enough she never crawled either, but shuffled round at great speed on her bottom, eventually rising up to walk at 20 months.

By then we had DD2, who I swear cried solidly and lustily for her first 6 months - I had to lug her round in a sling all day and we took turns walking the floor with her at nights.

Dream baby had earth-shattering tantrums as a toddler and again as a teenager. Devil baby was a delight as a toddler and sailed through puberty with nary a bad mood.

They’re both lovely now. smile

Luckygirl Sun 20-May-18 16:06:40

My DD did not speak till well after she was 2; health visitor in a fret. But when she did speak it was in sentences!

She did the same with reading - not a thing (and school were worried), till one day I found her reading the Wind in the Willows with great delight - "Can you read that?" asks I....."Of course" says she.

Luckygirl Sun 20-May-18 16:07:14

PS I think she was waiting to find something worth reading!! Janet and John simply did not cut it!

agnurse Sun 20-May-18 17:23:09

My cousin was a very contented baby. He rarely cried and when he woke up he would lie in his crib and sing to himself.

There is a range of "normal" when it comes to ages for milestones. If you Google the Denver II developmental screen, you can see this. Do DD's friends have girls? Boys tend to develop a little later than girls on average.

Doodle Sun 20-May-18 18:10:09

My younger son was sooo good. Slept really well, in fact slept so well that he was till sleeping in the afternoons before he went to school. He is also very laid back in life and continues to be (with his older and much more awake brother) the loveliest of people. 🙂

Cherrytree59 Sun 20-May-18 18:37:29

All babies are different Flaxseed
My first baby made himself heard in more ways than one and was a difficult sleeper.
So bad that our old midwife suggested a drop of brandy in a night bottleshock.

Fast forward 3yrs to my next baby,
she was completely the opposite.
Rarely cried, very calm and happy.
A great little sleeper etc etc.
But I was constantly checking in her!

Our daughter then turned two, learned to talk and make herself well and truly heard!

Anxiety is quiet disabling, so l agree with other GNers who suggest seeking help.

Glitterknitbaby Sun 20-May-18 19:13:58

My first born son was so placid a real text book baby, he did all the things the baby books said he would at the times they said he would including sleeping for England. Always a very placid easy child, never any trouble with anything he did, now a very quiet and placid 40 something with the letters MBA after his name. His brother, born two years later well thats a different story, if he had arrived first there wouldn’t have been anymore!

Nanabilly Sun 20-May-18 19:14:25

My second born was just as you describe and even now at mid 30's he just sleeps more when ill.
My gs , his own son is exactly the same too .
Just try to relax and enjoy him.

lemongrove Sun 20-May-18 23:32:12

DD1 was an easy contented baby, no trouble at all and slept a lot too.She is fine as an adult.
DD2 was a bit more prone to crying as a baby and not sleeping as well.She is fine as an adult.
DS cried a lot and was very clingy. He is fine as an adult.
In other words, they all have different characteristics, so do not worry about this.
DGS has autism and showed definite ‘peculiar’ behavours as a baby, and was certainly not an easy and contented one.

grannyactivist Sun 20-May-18 23:51:02

Flaxseed, I have a ten month old grandson that visits most weekends with his dad (my son) and who sometimes stays overnight and I have never heard him cry! He is the most content baby imaginable, much like his father was. If (in the unlikely event) the little one does turn out to be on the spectrum then rest assured that there is still a good life out there for him and try not to worry.

travelsafar Mon 21-May-18 08:16:08

My first son was like this, did everything by the book and i hardly knew about sleepless nights after 6weeks, so when my second son arrived it was like a bomb had exploded in the house with never a minutes piece he was the complete opposite. Hopefully your GS is fine, just be thankful he is so content.

moobox Mon 21-May-18 10:20:53

My second never woke during the night from 2 weeks old, never complained about going down for sleep, and her first sentenced speech was "can I go to bed now?". She grew into a lively energetic adult, and had a baby that didn't sleep well for many months

Lilyflower Mon 21-May-18 10:22:20

My first DC was a nightmare: never content, always cross,
active and on the go all the time. The second was, by comparison, a dream. She slept like a log, hardly ever cried. She would sit, even as a baby, looking with curiosity at the world and taking everything in without bothering a soul.

Babies are just different. Check the health of this baby by all means but enjoy the calm.

albertina Mon 21-May-18 10:29:43

Your post was really interesting. The baby is now old enough not to worry too much about quietness. If the baby is too quiet immediately after birth, that is the time to worry.
My Granddaughter ( now eleven years old) seemed abnormally quiet to me on Day one and in fact stopped breathing the first night home. It was only because my daughter spotted this in the early hours that she is still here. It could have been so different. The problem continued for several months which was agonising for all of us, particularly my daughter.

I am no doctor, but I put the two things together. Quietness at birth, breathing problems and fitting.

Like a lot of people have said here, babies are so different. I had a very calm first daughter who slept through at the right time, lay still while her nappy was changed etc She was followed by a whirlwind 19 months later. Daughter number 2 was never still and didn't sleep till she was old enough to go to school. They are still total opposites.