How often should you see Grandparents

It does sound as if your MiL is being unreasonable and I do think you (or probably your DH) need to say something to her quite strongly. Agree with Newmom101.
However sj0102 as usual your approach is too cruel and controlling. I am.so glad my DiL does not have that approach. And I am amazed you never see MiL without your DH (for protection?) My DiL often comes to visit with GC on her own or invites us (or just me) to visit when our DS is not there. In fact we've gone for weekends to help with GC when he's away on business. We see our SiL on his own less often but it has happened. And our DD entertains her MiL on her own quite often too.

OP. You are a new mom and deserve to be treated with respect. You clearly make time for your mom and mil.

Ignore all her texts. Do not be tempted to respond with anything other than “see you x day from 1pm-3pm.

When she arrives if she criticizes your weight - go to your room with baby or leave the home with baby and tell your husband we will try again in 2 weeks

In two weeks have her over 1-3pm. If she is rude again lather rinse repeat but this time wait one month.

Her behaviour is rude and inappropriate.

When do you return to work and what are your childcare plans?

I think you and you're DH are going to have to be a bit tougher OP, she's not treating you with respect because she's getting away with it. Have a chat with her, without DC present if you can, and explain that comments about your weight are not acceptable. Tell her when she texts you will get back to her when you can, but phoning your DHs work is negatively affecting his work, and that she needs to stop checking whether google approves of your parenting decisions. These arent unreasonable requests, its mad that she thinks this is normal. Tell her if she can't treat you with respect you will not be around her.

When you then see her and she comments on your weight or googles something you've said, just get up and leave. Or if it's at your house then point out that you've asked her not to do that, and that it's rude and ask her to leave if she can't treat you with respect.

And your DH needs to get his work to block her phone number, or if it's his phone she's ringing then he needs to block her number during work hours, until she begins to treat you with the respect you deserve as adults.

It'll be hard to stand up to her but it sounds like she's making yours and your DHs life a misery by treating you like this.

Ignore texts?
Take back her key if she has one,
If possible BE OUT (or enlist a friend to be there) if you fear she is likely to drop in.
Other than that you may need to sit her down and say that you do need a life of your own, time for your own friends and most of all, time for your baby.
I know I am being optimistic, but instead of saying No you could try “this week is out but how about next Wednesday and then the following Tuesday” She may have the hide of a rhino but with your husbands support and infinite patience you could try to get to some sort of compromise.
What you describe in your OP actually sounds not unreasonable although you could try cutting back on weekend lunch visits - go to friends or invite them round instead.

My parents and in-laws lived too far from us to see their GC often. It's the same with my GC. It takes three trains and nearly four hours to see either family. Doesn't make me a less loving granny. Of course now that they are all getting older and have diverse interests and activities, it's pot luck if I see much of them when I do visit! When we were kids, we lived round the corner from maternal granny and used to drop in on the way home from school; the other granny was the other side of Scotland. We had two weeks with her in the summer and she made a kind of 'royal progress' round the relatives sometimes twice a year. There are no hard and fast rules about how often you 'should' see your GC. If you see them frequently, just be grateful that they aren't on the other side of the planet!

An update- We still see them once a week, still getting multiple texts a day, I answer and reply to be polite every time but it does get on top of me as if I don't reply quick enough as am busy with baby, I get called or husband gets called at work. I was recently in hospital really ill and she came over as soon as I got out of hospital and wanted to rest and left by saying hopefully being in hospital helped me lose weight! She didnt ask how I was or look at me during the visit just took the baby off me. I am writing this as lots of people's new comments seem to think that I have a poor relationship through my own fault, I just want people to know why I choose to not see her more than once a week! It's honestly draining! The constant comments on my weight... literally every visit I get at least 2 comments, last visit... 'have you lost the baby weight yet' and 'shes eaten all that, look'... I had exact same meal as everyone else who finnished? Currently have a new baby and only 2 pounds over pre baby weight, I'm a size 10 so not exactly so obese she's commenting for my own good? My husband is upset with it all and his work are starting to notice as she is calling so much all the time asking about me or asking him if she can come and visit me. His work colleagues told him she is affecting our marriage and making him depressed! He has spoke to her and his father but it doesn't help, she stops for a week then it all starts again! We don't want any more children now, we agreed because of his mum we don't think our marriage could handle this again. I wish I had a mil I could visit and pop in on as I do get overwhelmed sometimes! But she won't leave when I ask her over to help! And she doesn't actually help. Just takes the baby and comments on how I do things wrong ect. She even Google's what I tell her while I am there and reads out why I am wrong and she is right... e.g. needing a car seat and sleeping. Any advice would be good because months on I am still feeling broken!

That’s what I call a loving family!

We popped into my Parents every day as we had to pass their house on the way home.Only stayed a half hour most days but loved to see them and they loved to see our kids.We ssaw PIL every weekend,they would drive the 50 miles on a Friday or Saturday night pick up kids and we would go over to them on Sunday for dinner and bring kids home.The children spent at least 2 weeks a year with them as well.
We are a very close family ,always have been.When my D was tiny and had awful colic it was my Dad who would come to us and take care of her while I got time for a hot bath and a break
I wouldn't have survived without him.We were also starting/running a new business and time was always short ..but never too short to see family

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I realise that we are indeed blessed, as we see our granddaughter frequently during the week. We look after her at least twice a week and DIL often pops in if she is passing.
I only ever saw my gran once a year and she was a stranger, whom I was terrified of. (A very severe old Irish granny, always dressed in black.)
We have the kind of relationship, where if we sense if DIL is needing a break ,( DGD is often poorly), we pop in to give her a wee break or my son pops down to visit with her if DIL is working on a Saturday. No need to warn in advance.
I do realise that it is not like that for many people.

There are no rules. We just muddle along with what works in all our different lives. Grandparents may not insist on time with their grandchildren. Co-operate rather than demand, explain your hopes and willingness to host your grandchildren for afternoon games or sleepovers. If you are wanted in your grandchildren's lives, rejoice; if you are not, consider where you went wrong.

Ha ha ha, so funny.

Muffin. Mamacaz. What about my comment was inappropriate?

The answer? Nothing.

Just because a post contradicts your perception of the perfect mil, doesn’t mean it is inappropriate.

Perhaps being more open minded would do you some good?

Well said muffinthemoo

Now, getting your own thread removed is one thing, but getting someone else’s removed is another.

Perhaps in fairness to OP, leave this one alone, in case she ever comes back to it?

Here we go again!

So....just because another dil out there can tolerate her mil a few times a week...it means OP must do the same?

If the relationship was good, op would have her over regularly without even needing to bring anything up. It clearly isn’t that type of relationship and mil making demands isn’t helping. In fact, it probably makes things worse.

Some are just not interested in building families or good family relationships MawBroon.
Some just like shooting poisoned arrows instead of being helpful and constructive.

Back in the game I see with an entirely predictable response.
My SIL popped in not long ago on his way back from London, just to say Hello, have a cuppa and see I was all right.
If you work at a good relationship instead of “rights” and “wrongs” and strict quotas, that is what builds families and extended families.

Your mil reeks of entitlement. She should be happy you see her once a week. I would never visit mine without my husband present. I see my family about 2-3 times a week while on my year mat leave. I see mil maybe twice a month? That’s only when my husband can be bothered to make plans with her.

Do what works best for YOU and YOUR nuclear family.

We see 3 of our 5 grandchildren several times a week. We often have the older ones overnight or when my dd is working and I pick them up from school at least once a week. The youngest is brought round by his dad (my ss) several times a week and sometimes they come round as a family and we spend time together and maybe have a take away on a Saturday night. The other two live a bit (but not much) further away and we don't see that much of them. I think it's because it always seems to be left up to us to make the arrangements and their parents rarely invite us over, but we should probably make more effort. I also think it's because we spend a lot of time with my mother in law, who is rather tactless and makes comments which upset my sd. Of course with the stepchildren they have other grandparents to consider as well as us, as well as in laws, so that's a lot to consider.

Our family is not one for sitting around in each other's houses. We live in different towns. I see them enough to keep in touch and as they are all teenagers now I don’t suppose it will change. This doesn't bother me at all, they are healthy and doing well at school.
I didn't live in the same town an my GPs. We made occasional journeys by train or two buses. I remember being handed over like a parcel in Barnsley Bus station, so I must have spent time with both sets of GPs. but it was never a once a week thing.

I have 2 sons with children abroad so it is once or twice a year. My step daughters live around the corner and we see them a few times a week for chats, school pick ups, take the little ones out for a couple of hours etc and it is similar with their inlaws, no unannounced visits though.
Every single situation is different, thats life, it cant be equalled out in any way.
My overseas inlaws obviously see more of the grandchildren but thats hardly their fault, just circumstances, Ive made peace with myself about it!

My daughter and sil live about 15-20mins away. My gc is almost 1 yr old. I see quite a bit of them, sometimes for pleasure, sometimes for babysitting. They know I am here if and when they need or want me. I'm widowed and my time is my own so I can fit in with their requirements. We all get on extremely well and never put pressure on each other so our relationship is great. I'm definitely one of the lucky ones.

It's hard to generalise. Every family is different. I mainly see my family about once a week. And I have a golden rule, - never visit unannounced.