Where do I start?

No magic answer for you I’m afraid Sue0308. We were in a very similar situation ten years ago, about to retire and travel when my DD’s chaotic lifestyle escalated and we took in and raised singlehandedly our two young DGDs. They brought much fun and joy into our lives, one DGD is about to buy her own home with a stable partner and the other is studying hard for uni next year. It wasn’t always easy though, we did manage to travel together during school hols so were able to share a decent lifestyle. DD is alcoholic, manipulative and tells untruths, we spent many years supporting her financially (essentially running 2 households) and emotionally and when it was finally thrown back in our faces we withdrew completely and left her to get on with her life as she wanted. She had a house and a third child with a partner and, at that point, after years of worry and knowing every day that another crisis was just around the corner, we felt a huge sense of relief. We have not spoken for many years, it sounds hard hearted I know, but we supported her in every way possible and we have nothing in common any more. Our DGDs see both parents (long divorced) frequently and we have always encouraged that, so enjoy your DGCs and the joy and laughter they bring because a loving family life is the most important thing we can pass onto them.

Monica ;you posted a good answer which I totally agree with. He has gone ahead and fathered a second child so now its time for him to stand on his own two feet. You have 2 years in which to pass the responsibility of full parenting over to him and the first needs to be helping them get their own place. This will be hard to do but if you give him a letter saying that they have to leave on a certain date and he takes it to the housing department they will find him something though it might well be just a room or two on a short term basis while they find somewhere slightly better. This is the harsh reality of life now.

What a difficult situation to be in. It is just going to become more complicated once the second baby is on the scene. I am guessing that your son is 18/19 from the information you have given here. Nowadays people still view that age group in terms of" children" which of course they are, but at the same time they are adults ...able to vote...marry without consent...legally drink, so they do have to realise some of the consequences from their own actions.
Somehow or other your son and new girlfriend need to find somewhere to live by themselves and take the pressure from both of you. You are already sharing a big part of the responsibility by bringing up the little girl. What will happen to her in all of this? Can you become her legal guardian ensuring some stability in her life. I think you have to have a family meeting with all concerned, and be prepared to spell out to them that they have to stand on their own feet. Otherwise you could find yourself looking after baby no.2. as well.

What a difficult situation to be in. Would this be useful to know about www.grandparentsplus.org.uk/kinship-foster-care?gclid=Cj0KCQjw9ZDeBRD9ARIsAMbAmoZ5VxtDbc4el1x_f7DIn-KWkBmjuI2Q3PMuotMvnN-49aie-83wpNQaAgXuEALw_wcB

Why did any of them not use contraception? What about termination, both of them seem to be set on bumping along the bottom for the rest of their and their offsprings lives. If your son has mental health problems from siring one child, having two is not going to help. So our taxes will provide, why? This was a preventable mess. Am not suggesting they are kicked out but by providing has not a comfortable existence been nurtured without responsibility? Boundaries need setting.

What a difficult situation *sue, one which you’ve stepped up to with great grace in the past. I can quite understand your reaction to this new scenario, I would be gutted if it was happening to us. But it is what it is and I guess from now on in is about damage limitation.
Could the young couple be encouraged to have their own place, maybe with your little gd remaining in your care, at least for now until you see how things work out? Young as they are it’s time to take responsibility for their own lives and too much support from you could mitigate against this happening. It’s not always easy for youngsters to grow up and become good parents but it can be done especially with sensible and supportive (which it sounds like you are), albeit rather shocked, parents in the background - but not in the foreground where it is so easy to find yourselves. And yes some straight talking about contraception too!

He left school four years ago so is presumably 22 now and presumably working.
It's time to step up and face his responsibilities. As ye sow, so shall ye reap. That doesn't mean you don't have to be there to guide them and support them, for the sake of two innocent little children.

What about termination because the child is an inconvenience?

My friend became a grandmother abruptly when her 16yo schoolgirl daughter gave birth to a baby boy, with just three hours' notice.

Once over the initial shock, my friend was adamant that whilst their Dd would remain at home and in education, there was no way she and her dh were going to raise the child themselves. Whilst they were of course supportive, they made sure their Dd took full responsibility for her child, getting up at night, doing the baby's laundry and so on. No out on the town at night while granny and grandpa babysat!

Their dd eventually went on to college, moved out with her child then met and married another chap and had another baby. They're a lovely family unit now, 15 years on.

I do feel that by raising your son's child as yours, you have absolved him of having to take responsibility for his actions, which in turn has led to this situation.

As my friend said, if her daughter was old enough to play adult games, she was also old enough to take on adult duties and responsibilities.

OMG I can't believe all the condemnation on this thread. You must all have perfect children who never make mistakes. This was a boy (and he could have been 16) who had sex once and found he was going to be a dad. And the mother obviously isn't on the scene. Would I have left any of my DSs to raise a child on their own at 16? No I wouldn't. He is working so is trying to make things work. Yes he should have used contraception but they didn't and if the girl wants a baby the last thing she is going to agree to is a termination. Perhaps a few more positive suggestions would be helpful.

No..a temination because it seems the mother is not yet sufficiently adult herself to manage another life and often the cycle goes on and in.

No we don't all have perfect children Trisher. My own gd was pregnant at 19 whilst living at home. My son made it clear that they would have to stand on their own two feet but with support from the family. The housing dept told them that once she had the baby they would then find her somewhere to live if they couldn't live at home and this they did, it is only temporary accommodation until either they nor the council are able to find something more suitable. Normally the council would not have helped as she under 25 but because of her mental history and help from social services they overcame this. They are now both working part-time and sharing child care. So as I said before this could be the way to go, just don't make it to soft for them, its hard to start with but they can come through this. Gd could stay with you and then start spending more times with dad during the 2 years until retirement when he should be able to take over completely and your gd is use to the change. it's called tough love.

PECS the problem is that girls who want a baby and either terminate or have a child adopted often just get pregnant again as soon as they can. The same thing happens with mothers who are considered unfit and whose babies are taken away by social services. It takes a great deal of time and a lot of counselling to stop this happening.

Your son really needs to stand on his own two feet, I agree.

At this point you cannot be responsible for him or the coming child.

But I would never suggest a termination. Ever. Not just because I'm personally against it, but also because really, if you're saying that, what you're saying is that you want your GC DEAD. I would not be surprised if suggesting a termination doesn't go down well and if you are not ever allowed to see that GC. I would not want someone who wanted my child dead to see them.

If you have the second girlfriend under your roof and you haven't ensured that your son takes responsibility for contraception then what exactly did you expect to happen OP?
If you continue to house them you will be sending all the wrong signals. They need to move out and take responsibility for their thoughtless actions. Frankly a termination would be the kindest thing for the unborn baby.
As regards your little granddaughter. Does your son parent her? Did he feed her, change nappies, do night duties. If not, why not? Did he go out partying while you took on his responsibilities?

Espee can you explain to me how. you ensure that someone takes responsibility for anyone else's contraception? What do you do? Stand next to the bed and fit the condom?

trisher, I think all of us have sympathy with the OP and even the boy involved over the first child. It is repeating the mistake, that makes us so judgmental - and I make no apologies for that. He should have learnt from his first mistake and made absolutely sure that mistakes didn't happen again.

No one's children are perfect, but most learn from their mistakes.

Yes , my son made some massive mistakes but to create a child it really a huge thing.

trisher I know it is not a long term solution but , probably like you, have experience of the children of the "adult" children. I know it is not a new problem and that many young mothers raise amazing children and more mature mothers can raise disaster zones! None of us are perfect.
If the young woman does not want a termination then it is out of the question..but the question should be asked to make sure she has really thought about the responsibilities of bringing a child into the world. & the impact on her life.

Who asks that particular question opens a whole new bag of worms though PECS. If the OP does she risks allienating the girl and her son. If she persuades her son to do it he could be cut out of his child's life. It might be possible to hint at other solutions but asking straight out could be disastrous.

I was not really expecting poster to ask the question.. just that it should be asked!

It's not a matter of having perfect children, Trisher. As others have said, it's a case of learning from your mistakes and clearing up after yourself.

Sadly, the OP's son seems to have done neither of those things.

Ensuring that your son used contraception made me LOL - how, exactly?

Methinks people underestimate just how seductive a woman bent on getting pregnant can be.

Sue I'm really sorry for you, and for your son - I have no advice other than I'd be encouraging them to become independent.

Methinks people underestimate just how seductive a woman bent on getting pregnant can be.

WHAT!!! it takes two to tango, or in this case repeat a mistake.

You’re right blue belle. We’ve started the process of looking at adoption for our GD too as she 100% sees us as parents.. We’ve spoken to him so many times about contraceptives! He says their chosen method failed but I have my doubts

I’m actually building a garden office to remove me.. ☺️