My SiL wants to tell me I'm a bad GP

Hold your head up high and maintain your relationship with your daughter and grandkids.
He is a petulant bully.
It is easy for others to criticise your daughter for allowing him apparently free rein, but that is an easy option as they are not in her shoes.
He is obviously a control freak who expects you to slither to gain his approval.

He wants attention, in any form, be it acting silly in public, ordering the children around, sulking, etc.

You showed him how his behaviour was not appropriate, and he didn't like it. Ignore him, as you would a child having a tantrum.

Tell him to grow up!!!!

I agree with the other respondents, he really is a pillock. Certainly one apology should be sufficient and if he can't accept that then more fool him because he makes himself look an childish. If he ever starts to list your faults I think a suitable response from you would be to say 'Oh, good, and then we can go through my list of all your faults too, I'm sure you'll agree that that's a good idea!' And his pathetic attempts to score points over you should be the first on the list! Let's hope he'll learn to grow up one day.

this guy is jealous of you and the only way he can get at you is to embarrass and hurt you - your daughter is the one who should apologise for her partner's behaviour and she needs to recognise that he's clearly not grown up yet and resents the mother/daughter relationship. I feel so sorry for both of you. Rise above it although it's difficult but you have done nothing wrong believe me. God bless.

I would also like to ask if your daughter is ok and happy? I would be a bit concerned for her if he is like that to you, what is he like with her when no one is around? Sometimes we cant see that we are being bullied, i think the key sentence was he "doesn't do bedtimes" womens domain.. think about that for a moment..You can walk away..

Want a nasty mean spirited little man.
A two word succinct response comes to mind!
But as you probably want to see your daughter and grandchildren again, perhaps not!
There are several ways forward.
Remove yourself .... see your daughter and grandchildren without him.
Ignore the stupid man and carry on regardless.
Your daughter may also be bullied by him ..... or why isnt she sorting him out?

pompous prick, pillock, prat, petulant

All the 'P' words - and more!

Chin up Ginny - rise above it

sounds like a spoilt brat .ignore him. but i would like to hear the other items he says about you.get your daughter to sit and listen with you..tell him you would both like to hear what he has to say.and if he blusters then you know its a load of hogwash.

I would ask your daughter what she thinks you should do.

If you have done nothing wrong and still apologise, where is the harm in it if it keeps the peace - it would be hard on you, daughter and GCs if he made it difficult for you to visit in future.

Maybe say something like “ I am what I am, I’m sorry if you don’t like it, there are probably far worse in laws out there. Can we try to be friends for the sake of the children? “

It might help if you examine your feelings for him and think of all the good things about him - even if he is a prick there must be some good in him. I bet his kids adore him. Perhaps at out age we are old fashioned about appearances and how to behave in public (more’s the pity). Praise him for something when the opportunity arises to do so naturally. Perhaps hug him or put a hand on his arm to show that you care for him.

I hope it goes well.

I totally agree with maryeliza54. DO NOT allow him to lecture you about your "failings" - he obviously enjoys feeling powerful and you would be feeding that.

I would go in with a pad of paper and a pen and ask him to list the things you have done wrong. I would ( pretend) to write them down. Then when he finished I would turn the page and say 'Right here is my list of the things that you have done wrong 'and let him have it

We’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and say he is a successful lawyer. He certainly isn’t a successful human being. I do hope your daughter stands her ground with him, (sounds like she doesn’t) because this is the slippery slope otherwise. He obviously enjoys his status and brings it home with him. What a saddo.

How old are the children? I suspect they won’t bend to his absolute word during the teenage years however much your dd indulges his petulance.

He sounds controlling and idiotic. Don’t apologise again or allow him to belittle you. Be as chatty as possible to your dd and your grandchildren and ignore the idiot.

I would just leave it for now, you obviously touched a nerve when you disapproved of his childish behaviour in the restaurant.
Hopefully, it will all be forgotten when you next visit, "water under the bridge" and all that.
He has behaved disgracefully by throwing your apology back in your face and the "hand waving" you away was disgusting.
However, your Dd is piggy in the middle and very sad, so for her sake, just let it lie.

I feel sorry for your daughter being stuck in the middle.
The fault is with your son in law, not you. He was acting very childishly when you were out and still is even now- and he knows it!
Some people when out seem to have this compulsion to act stupidly, even if sober just so people take notice of them, not thinking that other people are thinking "what a t**t"!
If he continues to act like a spoilt brat, there isn't a lot you can do - any attempt to apologise will only mean he will throw it back in your face, as he already has. Just carry on as if nothing has happened with your daughter and grandchildren and let him sulk in the corner!

Not your issue. He needs to grow up.

It sounds to me as if he is grooming your daughter by coercive control. He is quietly alienating her from family(you) and will go on to do the same with her friends. He will know, as a lawyer, that this became a criminal offence in 2015. He may be doing it stealthily , which is why I mention grooming. Eventually he will have total control over her and then convince her that she is worthless and this is evidenced by her lack of friends.
Sometimes when people are in this situation, but also in denial, if you ask them how they would feel if one of their children was being treated in this way by another human being, the scales fall from their eyes and they can suddenly see what they are really dealing with.
His behaviour may not be about you at all, you might just be an innocent pawn in his need to dominate and control your daughter.
I see this so often in my work, where sometimes highly intelligent girls are taken in by these types. They are told by their partner that he loves them. Ergo " If someone loves me why would he want to put me down or hurt me".
They will have that thought reinforced if they have lived a normal happy life with their parents who do love them and who would never hurt them.
As the girl puts her trust in this man ( remember she probably has no life experience) the insidious bullying and control starts. There is seldom a good end to these stories.

Ginny42, don't listen to your sil, I think most people would have been embarrassed in the restaurant by his behaviour and I would certainly have pulled a face.
Same as other people have recommended carry on as if nothing has happened, I know its difficult as I have my son's ex partner to contend with but as long as my granddaughter is happy I don't mind painting a smile on my face and going that extra mile to ignore any negative comments or behaviour.

My dad once told me no ones perfect only an idiot and you have one in your family. You have had some good advice here on GN, when he starts just walk away giving him a dismissive wave and a smile. Never apologies to him.

I would leave as soon as possible and say you feel very sorry for your daughter and grandchildren having to live with such an idiot.
Certainly wouldn`t apologise again.

another wondering if your daughter is OK it sounds as if she's walking on eggshells around him too. If she's being emotionally abused she needs to get out of there

I feel for you Ginny, what a horrible situation to find yourself in. You have already apologised so don't apologise again. I would do as others have said and carry on as if nothing h as happened, whatever you do, don't ask about what you have done over the past seven years that has been so dreadful, because you will be upset at the nitpicking. I speak from experience here, my daughter and her husband have engineered problems in the past with myself and my husband, I should say here that my daughter has mental health problems, but her husband doesn't, and in the past we have discussed, reasoned, been accused, but finally we stopped responding, and refused any more apologies and grovelling for things we didn't even know we'd done, and After a while, they finally accepted that we would not go down that route any longer. No more apologies, no more eating humble pie, BUT we continued to offer all the childcare, help, gardening, fixing things that we'd always done, but no more grovelling, it gets you nowhere, they always want more. My daughter's mental health issues obviously have had an impact on this scenario, it doesn't sound as if there are any such issues here, your SiL is just plain rude.

Ginny42.You were entitled to an opinion and actions can speak louder than words .It is clear that he is as one GN stated a pompous p** add to that also a bully and seems to be in what is his opinion, and be assured only his opinion, above reproach.It is comforting you have DD on your side. Voice how you feel to her as she is the one to deal with him. Be assured that he will eventually go too far and meet those who will knock him off the 'pedestal' he has put himself on.

He was being a prat. He's embarrassed you realised he was. Now is pride is making him stiff necked. Move on and let him deal with it. We all do daft things we later regret. Not worth wasting more attention on. (Just get on with your own life and carry on being the nice person you clearly are).