My SiL wants to tell me I'm a bad GP

Wow he is rude and I would just leave him to sulk what a idiot .
He is the one that should be saying sorry to you .

The saddest statement I think is that he doesn't do bedtime any more.
My DH and I used to love bedtime and we did it together always.

Sadly for your dd I agree with Kwest you challenged his authority and he isn’t used to it. Your dd is walking on egg shells. It’s worrying

Do not sit and listen to criticism from son in law, too damaging. It reinforces his dominance and bad behaviour. Also give no more apologies. Act as normally as possible and go home soon !

A pompous bar steward ! Avoid him as much as possible, and dont apologise anymore you are not in court.
He needs to show you some respect and consideration xx

What a wally ! Then again given his profession it doesn't surprise me !

One poster asked if your daughter is happy with him. Do you get the sense she is? I also wonder whether the poster who suggested he is grooming your daughter to be controlled and trying to separate her from you and her family, and then friends. This might all be wrong, and not so at all. We can't tell from the posts.

I agree do not let him tell you the things you did wrong over 7 years. I worry that your daughter mentioned this. And obviously you must have a list of things he did wrong, but it probably won't help if either of you list them.

You obviously don't want to come between them if he is not bullying her. But need to not be pushed away if he is.

Is your daughter afraid of him or just trying to protect you?
We all want the people we love to get along, and don't like them speaking ill of each other.

Ginny42 , is your daughter employed outside of their home or is she financially dependent upon him? This could put a different perspective on the situation and might explain quite a lot. In any case I would not stay where I felt so uncomfortable and as others have said better to see daughter & GC without him around.

Sadly I feel that KWest’s post may be accurate. He is using this situation to make your daughter sad and uncomfortable in order to hurt and isolate her. You are just a pawn in his coercive game. I hope I am wrong. I would just act cheerful and be professionally polite with him until you go. Take care.

My brother, who is normally nice, is like that when he's on a "high". He is bi polar. It's scary.

It sounds as if he is jealous of any attention your daughter is giving to you. Does he have parents of his own, and how does he treat them?

I don't see why you should apologise for your facial expression betraying what you thought of him, but you must be a better person than me. You have apologised once, because you felt you should, but that is enough. He sounds like a bully, TBH. You don't have to put up with his behaviour. Are you scared that he will somehow stop you seeing your DD and DGCs?

Quite honestly, in this situation I'd be off home at the earliest opportunity. It sounds very unpleasant.

I think I'd be inventing a reason to go home early. House sitter called about a burst pipe??

He sounds 'difficult' and I expect if you wanted to play 'tit for tat' you could tell him seven things you felt aggrieved over too. But we like to be grown-up about these things, don't we? Hold your head up high and keep your dignity. Who keeps count of stuff like this anyway? What an idiot.

Ginny just to clarify Im not suggesting stall that you should be treated like a child. The opposite really...you are entitled to an explanation for his behaviour and by just listening and the saying you will take time to think you are very much being the adult!! The thinking is NOT meant to be "think about your behaviour" as a child might be too but a chance to think about what he has said, and your viewpoint on what he has said. If you choose to discuss further with him after thinking, if he has a point on anything you can acknowledge that, you can give your viewpoint as appropriate on anything he has said AND you can request that in future if a problem arises could it be dealt with differently by letting you know so that can be discussed and sorted!

Nasty situation for you - what an overbearing person and how dare he talk about 'What you have done' Who does he think he is? I would be civil and behave in a perfectly normal manner around him - if he says anything else I would respond with a comment to the effect that as a professional person he ought to behave better. I don't see why you felt you had to apologise to him either - he sounds a complete buffoon.

I wouldn’t have apologised in the first place.

I don’t know why you are apologising it should be him for behaving like a pillock in public and showing you all up! I would have told him off in the restaurant, not just given him a ‘look’! Just ignore him as best you can for the remainder of your stay.

I would try to move on. Definitely don’t listen to a list of your supposed faults, unless, as has been suggested, you then produce a list of his. But what will that achieve? He is an idiot and best ignored.
However, you could maybe try to see how your daughter is feeling about all this, and if she needs to unburden about their relationship you can be supportive .

Wow. I've just read through all the comments on this thread and there are so many which (rightly) point out that the SIL is a prat at best and a monster at worst.
Having your MIL to stay - she doesn't say how long she's been in the house - is stressful for a saint let alone a rather immature pompous prat.
But he's the OP's daughter's partner and the father of her children. He may be a controlling bastard or he may just be having a really bad month work-wise, and secretly have zero confidence he can continue to provide for the family the way he thinks he should...you never really know what's going on inside anyone else. Whatever. He's going to be around for the rest of the OP's life. And encouraging the OP to despise and dislike him isn't helping her at all.
One solution that springs to mind might be to say "I seem to have upset you a lot, in ways I am not aware of. It's not easy being a parent in law, as you will find one day. But we both love D and GCs so let's try to get on better in the future." Or even to write it in a letter.

You seem like the complete opposite of a bad person to me. To have offered an apology after the incident was very mature of you and the self control you showed when he waved you away should be applauded. It seems you have dented his delicate male pride. He quite obviously has a very high opinion of himself. Probably thought he was ‘holding court’ with his wittiness in the restaurant then felt humiliated by your look of embarrassment. He sounds like a bully and not a very nice person. You have probably raised your daughter to be as lovely and tolerant as you so he gets away with this behaviour. The way she asked you not to go there is an indication that she would end up having a hard time too and wants to keep the peace. So he doesn’t do bedtimes. Really. Far too important it seems.

The problem is, whilst I would like to suggest you stick your fingers up his nostrils and make his eyes water, you are in such a difficult position. As the last thing you want is a family rift. If your DD is happy then continue to be the bigger person if you can. You’ve apologised, so let it drop now. Let him have his little sulk and superior moment that you bowed down to him. If he does decide to lecture you on your shortcomings, then if you can, say something like ‘Thank you for pointing that out to me ………… Now let’s leave it there’.

I can see problems in the future though with this buffoon. He is not a nice person.

I think his profession can attract people like him the acting and showing off element of it. I think I would have been pulling faces with you, he is obviously not used to being told off when he is carrying on like a child. I do wonder what he would have done if you had started singing your head off in the restaurant. You have apologised and he has threatened, lets hope that is the end of it. I am sure you will be keeping an eye on your DD and GC. How one longs to tell him he may be very clever etc but he is no gentleman. I have just seen you say yo are a bit frightened of him, if you think that would please him then I also see problems ahead.

There's no indication that the daughter is being "groomed" to do anything here or that she is being manipulated away from her family. This is all speculation.

OP does have the right not to listen to a tirade. She can walk away.

If there's no proof the SIL is abusive in any way, their marital relationship is NONE of the OP's business. Parents should NEVER get involved in their AC's relationships and ACs should NEVER ask their parents to get involved.

ACs should NEVER ask their parents to get involved
So agnurse are you saying that AC’s should never ask their parents’ advice, or to comment on a situation that involves their partner?