Sleeping issues

There were a lot of us around luckygirl and amazingly our children survived!

I agree with all the other posters This baby girl is ruling the roost and please roll forward to when she’s 8, 12, 14 she will still be ruling her parents and oh my goodness they may well suffer,
Mine too had their own beds in their own rooms much younger than this and eating proper food from when they were sitting up constant feeding is a comfort thing and can lead to comfort eating when older because this is how she is learning

They are such loving protective parents This worries me overprotection can be nearly as bad as under babies/children need to explore, fall, have rough and tumble, make misjudgements to learn, if they are always stopped before they make an error they will never learn

Killing by kindness comes to mind for all of you, stop walking on eggshells and talk to your daughter in law, kindly but with knowledge
They are actually spoiling her and to be honest it is going to be so much harder now to remove the comfort that she is so use to Are they strong enough to say ‘no’
That man needs to be back in his own bed

Has anyone had experience of discussing potentially difficult issues with their DIL?
Bluebelle is quite right, I am walking on eggshells here. I guess I'm worried that they're both so tired they will take it badly.
It's just occurred to me as I typed the last sentence, that I am doing with them exactly what they're doing with their daughter skirting round the issues...

My son was like this. One night instead of feeding him I gave him a cup of water. He never woke up in the night again. He was a very secure child I think he just liked the suckling.

This way of life and routine not good for either of them breastfeeding through the night that's not the norm at 22mtb I'm a qualified child practioner and agree as a mother this needs changing.

I wonder what message your dil got/ still gets from the health visitor. My dil has my 3 younger grandkids, the first (10) was fine, but by time other 2 came along the line to follow was skin to skin, so basically they never used their cots. It took until they were 3 to go into own room and probably 4 before they stayed there. I know she fed until 2 , how much comfort feeding in the latter stage I don’t know. They ( dil & ds ) were always shattered, but I learned to “ zip the lip “ as I was thought old fashioned ?

The midwife/health visitor support were minimal compared to when I had my children. At the time of GD birth they were living 300 hundred miles away, they have only recently moved a few miles away from me. This meant that they had little support in the early days.
I do know that they were worried by one of the professionals suggesting GD had a cows milk intolerance, and they were also told that if the baby cried it could lead to mental health issues.
They also had the fear of god put into them about cot death. It seems that today's professionals throw information at new parents, but visit very rarely. Which is a shame as many problems could have been nipped in the bud.
Skin to skin, and attachment parenting have been mentioned.

No 22 month old child needs feeding 5 times a night (unless there is something radically wrong).

Their relationship is none of your business, keep out of it.

They need to be reminded that they are the parents! They have allowed the child to take control and the longer they continue to pander to her the harder it will be to rectify. Next time they ask you for advice don't tiptoe around the issue - tell them straight that they need to step up and take control. If they are coming to you then you are not interfering and they may actually be looking for someone to tell them it's ok to take a firmer line.
Might have missed reference to it - but where is her mother in all this? Women usually turn to their own mothers for parenting advice in the first instance, so wondering what messages she has been getting from her.

Mabon1 another of your unwarranted and unhelpful posts

I fondly remember my neighbour hanging onto the door handle of her toddler's bedroom while he pulled hard on it from the other side saying "You've had a cuddle, you've had a drink & now you stay in your own bed!" We were dreadful young mums!
But I think that our age had a lot to do with it. We weren't old enough to be over-anxious, but just took on babies as another part of life. Also a lot of us often had experience of babies & toddlers amongst our families &friends as babysitters or older siblings. We certainly had more.support from Health Visitors who bossed us about like irresponsible schoolgirls, which I suppose we probably still were at heart! Times certainly change! I hope your little family manages to find the confidence to be firm & follow the good advice others have given here. Mumsnet is a great resource

I actually have 2 close friends who have both discussed this with me recently. Both their DIL’s are truly lovely girls, however, they are causing so many issues by extended breast feeding. From what they say, I feel they are curtailing the tots independence, giving the tot extra angst when away from Mum, as well as causing marital issues, when the husbands are continuously in the spare room. Personally I breast fed all my 3 but would’ve hated a child old enough to lift my top and ask for it ! It should be an issue discussed by both parents, as was the decision to have a baby initially, as it impacts on their family life.

The WHO recommend BF for at least 2 years. There are loads of health benefits for a breastfeeding toddler.

This sounds really normal. It could be a growth spurt or developmental leap.

I’m on loads of breastfeeding support groups on Facebook and they are amazing for support and advice on any parenting topic.

couldthe baby just require a drink of water during the night? Maybe try give her a drink rather than feeding her. If she has a bottle with the water she will have the sucking which maybe the comfort she needs, just a thought.

HERE GOES - I GAVE MY DAUGHTER A DUMMY ON THE ADVICE OF A NURSE. IT KEPT HER QUIET. SHE GAVE IT UP AT 3.

SORRY ITS IN CAPITALS - CANT SEEM TO GET LOWER CASE TODAY.

OH I JUST REMEMBERED THAT WHEN WE HOSTED FOREIGN STUDENTS WE HAD A GIRL FROM PRAGUE WHO CAME WITH HER 9 YEAR OLD VERY LARGE SON. APPARENTLY HE ALWAYS SLEPT IN HER BED AND HER HUSBAND SLEPT IN ANOTHER ROOM. I HEARD FROM HER AT CHRISTMAS, AND SHE TOLD ME ADAM NOW IS OVER 6 FT, HAS A BEARD, AND SLEEPS IN HIS OWN BED.
NF NEP

Could it be that child is waking up so many times because she’s hungry? If she’s not weaned and eating solid food it’s not surprising she’s waking and I think I would be concerned that she isn’t getting the full range of nutrients that a growing child of this age needs.

My own (first) grandchild started waking up, having slept through most of the night, and wanted breast feeding.

Once she was eating semi-solid and then solid food she slept much better. At 20 months she feeds herself with a spoon and usually eats meals with her parents and family. It was the same DS at 8 months. Half a banana and the first decent sleep for weeks!

I understand the delicacy needed in giving ‘advice’. I generally try and indirect approach along the lines of ‘I remember you were like this, I found… helped. Maybe you could try that’’

The strain on parents of not sleeping is horrible and it stops people thinking clearly. I do hope this can be resolved quickly although I realise that there are several issues here.

I agree, Jennifer D, about hunger being the cause of the need for night feeds. My children and GC were pretty much on 3 meals a day when nearly 2, with the occasional snack. Broaching the subject with DIL is a tricky one, and would come best not from MiL.

Just support them. You don’t have to tell them how to parent unless they ask. Have you considered that for once, they want to do something their way? You never know they might even do a better job than you did. Stop judging them. My mother in law said you learn to be a parent by being a parent. Fantastic advice.

May I just also say that if you haven’t practiced extended breastfeeding you haven’t a hope in understanding the benefits. It’s not just food or comfort, it’s a necessary physiological action and gives the growing child the protection of its mothers immune system.

mabon ...dear me!

Others who have made the point that BF is recommended/good for children until various ages ....that really isn't the issue for the OP is it!!! She isn't saying BF is bad; she's not suggesting she is anti BF!! She is very sensitively analysing a difficult and worrying situation and wants advice on her best way forward, which many posters are really helping her with! GN at its best with a few exceptions!

Just support them. You don’t have to tell them how to parent unless they ask. Have you considered that for once, they want to do something their way? You never know they might even do a better job than you did. Stop judging them. My mother in law said you learn to be a parent by being a parent. Fantastic advice.

My first reaction was 'I'm not judging them!' But, if that is what you are picking up from my posts then I need to reflect. I guess what I'm trying to communicate doesn't always come across clearly.

Clare AB you babysit every week.... for an evening, or over night? What happens abpout feeding while you are in charge?

I think it’s hard for parents to accept advice from grandparents, even if they’ve asked. But anxious parents are more likely to listen to health professionals, though in this case it seems the ones they had, started them on the wrong path but it might be worth finding some professional who could help.

There seem to be 2 issues which may or may not be related- the waking to feed and the lack of eating proper food. Our 2 grandchildren were weaned off breastfeeding by 10 months but given a lot of bottles instead. The first in particular is a poor and fussy eater and I think it’s due to being full of milk and not properly hungry. They are also poor sleepers and spend most of the time sleeping with parents- sometimes all together in mattresses on floor!

Actually I thought Mabon’s post was fair. Straight to the point, not unkind either.
I’ve never heard of a 2y old ‘needing’ milk 5 times during the night either.
I too suspect it’s why the girl isn’t hungry during the day. She’s grazing every couple of hours and is, inadvertently, being pandered to.