Sleeping issues

I wanted a 2 year gap between babies but my cycle had not returned by the time No.1 son was 14 months.
He was still nursing every 2 hours day and night in addition to solids in the daytime (which he wasn't particularly keen on) so his paediatrician suggested I drop the night feeds altogether then drop the daytime feeds.
After a week of my husband dealing with the night wakings baby slept through the night and once the daytime feeds stopped my cycle resumed and I conceived.
I hope all our experiences help your daughter in law find the right way for her to solve her dilemma.

I can understand your concerns as I have similar ones about my DD and her partner. They have 2 children 7 and a nearly 3 YO. The little girl still sleeps in a tandem cot next to her parents’ bed and BF morning and night but recently weaned from nighttime feeds. They don’t have a room ready for the youngest to go into and my DD says she’s not ready to have to get up in the night for her. I don’t dare say anything about her relationship but I worry that their love life must be suffering. They’re always tired and never go anywhere without the children and never have time to even talk. I’ve offered to have the children for a day so they can go out but I still don’t think it’s enough. My DD dotes on her little girl and has stayed at home from work to look after her. I worry that she is neglecting her relationship. Her partner is so lovely though, I’ve never heard him complain about it and he too dotes on the kids. Maybe I’m worrying about nothing?

May I just also say that if you haven’t practiced extended breastfeeding you haven’t a hope in understanding the benefits. It’s not just food or comfort, it’s a necessary physiological action and gives the growing child the protection of its mothers immune system
Kisthecat

Oh dear, there is breastfeeding and then there is becoming a slave to a child who wants feeding five times in the night by a worn out mother.

Mine seemed to wean themselves off gradually until there was just a bed-time feed by which time they were eating proper and nutritious meals in the day-time.

This child is nearly two and doesn't sound as if she is getting a varied diet.

Reading the replies it’s interesting how many people say- get her to stop feeding and put her into her own room. Well it’s what I did with my own after the first week they were in their own rooms and 6-8 months no BF- BUT both my children continued to wake up several times a night until they were about 4YO. My DD has a totally different attitude and I have come to agree with her. It is far more natural to keep a baby in the room next to you at night where they feel secure and comforted, until they are more mature at least, and to BF as long as they want too. I think my children called me so much in the night because they were lonely and needed comfort. I wish I knew then what I know now! And they are little for such a short time, why try to make them independent before they’re ready!

Urmstongran yes straight to the point, but the OP was expressing her concern about the impact of night times on the parents and asking for advice on how to approach this helpfully and sensitively with them. She wasn't asking for opinions on breast feeding for how long or whatever!

Isn't it interesting how we all read the same comments differently. I found Mabons post somewhat unkind in the way it was expressed perhaps because I thought it missed the point for the OP but I accept that it may well not have been meant that way.

OP I did not read your post as judgemental.

if you haven’t practiced extended breastfeeding you haven’t a hope in understanding the benefits.
I am left wondering what is meant by extended
Eighteen months, three, five (a quick feed at the school gate?), eight?

What happens when/if mum wants to go back to work?

Being a parent to a young baby is exhausting. I did Breastfeed until just before 2. My daughter slept (and mostly still does) in our bed and at times was permanently attached to me throughout the night.

I was exhausted. And I did moan. But I was making a conscious parenting decision.
Other countries are now much more aware of hype benefits of extended BF and co sleeping.

As I said the best people for them DIL to speak to are other mums going through this.

It’s such a short period of time. And just because someone chooses attachment parenting does not mean they will have a spoilt older child.
Studies have shown that AP can produce a more secure child.

Also no one should put a baby in their own room before 6 months. That is a massive SIDS risk.

I returned to work when DD was 10 months. I continued to breastfeed till she was 23 months.

She stayed with her father or childminder. She was perfectly fine.

I agree wholeheartedly Madgran77. ??
Posting on a forum, just like a text, can easily be misinterpreted! What can be one person’s ‘direct’ approach can be another person’s ‘harsh words’.
It is nice and kind that you posted what you did.

One of mine would not take a bottle under any circumstances.

Mine too!

DD never took a bottle in her life! She genuinely would choose starving. Which we discovered when I went out for the night and left her with DH.

She went from my breast to a cup.

They have teeth by then! Yipes. Mine all on solids and sleeping through by then. Breast is best but not if you're turning into the walking dead and a possible relationship breakdown.

If they won't listen because they are sacrificing too much for your GD (she doesn't need those night feeds and she will suffer if her mother gets ill or her father walks out) then maybe some reverse psychology. Mention in passing someone told you baby teeth suffer if fed that many times (sugar on little teeth) or something that doesn't sound like a criticism but sounds to them like they will be doing 'even more' to help their DD if they wean her.

Or wait and see. Exhausted people can grow horns, especially if the reason for the fatigue is being criticised.

Tread carefully.

ClareAB, my post did sound harsh! It probably is because of my own experience of being judged for ebf. Your idea that there is a system or some sort of protocol is shared by many and maybe it works or maybe it makes things more convenient for the parents I don’t know. All I know is the desire to do things my way was very strong and maybe your DS and dil are like that too. My mil tuttutted a lot about my parenting. But as you can see I can also attribute that she did give some great advice. So I suppose all I’m saying is chill out a bit, all parents get tired and fall apart for a while. You’re obviously s very caring dm/mil I do apologise if I was accusing.

2 of mine went direct from breast to cup. The others had a bottle going to bed until 2 or so. I was surprised that my GC were weaned onto bottle when they were old enough to drink from cup but in the country where they live it seems to be common.

Ours did wake occasionally and we sometimes brought them into our bed but never gave a bottle in the night, whereas our GC seem to often be given bottle in night when they wake. I don’t think it’s a good idea but can’t say anything!

I suppose it cannot be helped on an open forum but its a shame when some folks choose to use another person's problems as a vehicle for their own particular gripe/crusade. The OP is worried about her S and DIL who both seem to be struggling. Completely broken nights and separate rooms does not sound like anyone is enjoying this regime. Breastfeeding is a personal journey, as I stated I got to a point at 9 months when I was driven to regain my boobs. I had loved feeding - it was a delight but I had just reached the point at which I wanted to stop. That was my choice, my baby was thriving and our lives were as we wanted them so all was good. Please allow for differences and show a little empathy for a worried Grandma. You might like to be breastfeeding till your child is a lot older however many either cannot or find it does not suit our lives.

And that’s fine for you.

But the DIL is clearly wanting to continue breastfeeding. One of the biggest Issue mothers who EBF face is unsupportive families.

That what you got from the OP? Oh well, difficult to argue.

Yes. Because as Op says. They aren’t actioning anything.
There are mounds of support groups online that can assist DIL in stopping.
She is posisbly just using Op as a sounding board.
If OP does think she wants to stop the best thing she could do is listen and suggest the groups that could give effective and current advice.

Ps. Do not mention the damage to teeth. There is absolutly no risk to teeth.

I am sure my ideas are really old fashioned as the DGC are now well past babyhood but for what its worth regarding the night waking I would offer water (we used to put a drop of sugar in with it!!!, better than gin), keep the lighting right down and if dad is prepared to do this for a short while she should stop waking. I don't know how long or short a time mothers should breast feed but I do wonder if this small girl is hungry, by two she should be feeding herself almost - custard up the walls - and playing with food and experimenting with tastes. You say your DIL is getting very thin and this would worry me a lot, plus if your son is unhappy with the situation I think you are right to be concerned. Next time the subject arises I would offer some opinion on the situation.

Self preservation must kick in at some point surely?

Here is something massively old fashioned.....the world doesn't revolve round the 22 month old.

I'm sure some of us may have realised that years ago, especially if we were pregnant with number 2 or had two aged 22 months and under.
Or three of 20 months and under - and not that many years ago as one of DD's friends had.
She coped extremely well and without any help from grannies.

Bibbity its such a short period of time
Well if the poor father has been in the spare room for 22 months he’s not feeling its a short time at all

She is waking five times a night because she is rewarded each time she wakes if she got no comfort food she would soon learn to sleep longer and eat her solids in the day She should be experiment with textures, colours, tastes at 2 not just hanging on to a boob whenever she wants What if the mum was ill and she couldn’t have it, she’d be lost., and what of the Dads involvement he’s cut right out of the feeding equation all she wants is her mums breast
Lily65 is right the world shouldn’t revolve around her the baby is being spoilt with both parents bending over backwards to please her

Well my husband has been relegated to the spare room for 4 years on and off. We’ve still managed to conceive our third child ?

The benefits of extended breastfeeding are really amazing.
If this is what the mother had decided is best for her and LO than that’s that.
She should have support and an emotional ‘let out’ that’s only healthy.

I disagree. I believe that a child’s health and well-being should always be the number one priority.

Perhaps a bit of ‘sleep training’. DD is just doing it with 7month grandson who wakes despite not needing feeding. I believe there are ‘professional’ trainers who can advise