Grandchildren and Christmas gifts

Sorry but I'm not surprised you got a haughty message. If I give a gift, I do so unconditionally and with no expectations. Your adult grandchildren have their names added to gifts that their parents have bought, that's still a gift from them. To give to them with the expectation that they should give back is not a gift given with love, it's a gift given with strings. Will it feel better to receive a gift from them now knowing you are receiving that gift because you have guilt tripped them into it, or would it feel better to receive something because you had said nothing and because they WANTED to? Receiving gifts through emotional manipulation holds no satisfaction.

IT may be 6 years old but I bet its still relevant to some.

I wonder if Lemonlegs received anything last Christmas???? 🤭

How lovely to revisit advice from posters who have left us

This thread is 6 years old

Lemonlegs, I feel your pain massively. It's even worse when it's a daughter in law you're dealing with (I only have sons).
I do not say anything as walking on eggshells anyway because of this daughter in law's indifferent and sullen attitude towards me.
I think the problem partly relates to the age of deference generally in society being over. And respect for our elders being considered a bit old fashioned. very sad.

I wouldn’t like any of mine to have to be told or reminded to give me something surely that takes the whole ethos out of it

I do have to have a laugh though as since Moonpig arrived on the scene, three of my adult grandkids have jumped on that bandwagon and I now have ten mugs with different pictures of them and me on them I ll soon need a whole cupboard

Gingster

I would never have had asked any of my grandchildren why they hadn’t sent me a Christmas present. How rude!

How insensitive and childish.

It was not rude, insensitive OR childish! She was extremely sensitive in the way she worded her message. I can imagine that she is sad that her granddaughters - now adults - have not understood about giving and receiving gifts as a gesture of love and gratitude. This is a lesson their parents should have taught them. Even if they still paid for the gifts themselves, they should have encouraged their daughters to be a part of the gift-giving by choosing, wrapping and addressing the gifts to their grandmother. I do wonder if approaching her granddaughters about this was the wisest course of action, rather than discuss it with her daughter first. However, the girls are adults now and this is probably why she addressed them directly. I recently mentioned the same concern to my own daughter but I think it fell on deaf ears.

knspol

I think you should be grateful for what you receive not hanker after more. How will you feel next year when the presents are only being sent because you asked for them?

For heaven's sake, you have totally missed the point of why the OP did this! You're not the only one here who has either. It's about teaching children the right lessons and it is clear that the daughter has not made sufficient effort to do this.

PECS

I bet DD said to her daughters that she was getting grandma a gift from them all as usual so the girls accepted that. No deliberate snub intended!

Yes, I think so too.

Asking for more is awful.

I would never have had asked any of my grandchildren why they hadn’t sent me a Christmas present. How rude!

How insensitive and childish.

Chucky

I think YABVU to put pressure on your dgc to buy you a present and I am not surprised your dd was unhappy.
You say dgc were very gracious in their reply, but frankly you left them with no other option than to apologise and promise they will buy a present next time.
Just doesn’t sit well with me asking someone to buy you a present!!

I totally disagree with you. The girls have been receiving pocket money from their grandmother all these years, in addition to birthday and christmas presents. I don't think they should get that pocket money now, simply because they are old enough to earn their own money. Pocket money is given to help teach children how to manage money. Their grandmother spoke to them about giving her a gift because they clearly have not been taught about why we give gifts to loved ones by their own mother! I used to receive pocket money from my parents but was taught to set some aside for things like buying gifts (not just for birthdays and christmas but holiday souvenir gifts also). I am sad to say that I think children get too much nowadays and if they are not taught the right - and very necessary - life lessons then they turn into self-focussed, entitled adults, something that I'm confident the OP does not want to happen to her granddaughters.

Very common now in GC. Mine got 50 pounds each for Christmas and no thanks for me. Youngest birthday this week and asked by WA what he would like. Money or a surprise. I know he read it as you can tell on WA but no response at all. I believe this is callled ghosting. I have bought him something but will be inclined to forget next year.

Gonegirl

Sorry about the rant. I think I must have been bottling that up. ?

No need to apologise. My granddaughters never buy me presents either. I did tentatively mention this to my daughter after Christmas. I got a defensive reply but no sense that it was taken on board. I don't blame my granddaughters for this. What you said about today's families being insular, yes I know where you're coming from with this. I get included to a degree but I never get asked to join them on family outings but am not allowed to drive them anywhere myself. It hurts me deeply.

i can completely resonate with Lemonlegs. I never receive a birthday card or small gift from my teenage grandchildren for Christmas or Birthdays. I always taught my son when he was old enough that he should choose his grandparents a card and actually write it themselves and buy a small gift out of his pocket money , dosent have to be expensive or fancy but just shows that you love and respect them. It is very sad and painful how times have changed

I would start your own thread Packhorse. This is an old thread and a different subject, so people may look at it now you’ve resurrected it.....but then not answer when they see it’s about something else. Good luck!

Hi, I need to find a book for my 11 year old granddaughter who is a voracious reader but my DD is running out of ideas. She has read The Hunger Games (?) is past Harry Potter and David Williams but still dips into Diary of a Wimpy Kid!
She has asked me to look for a good work of fiction with a strong female character who - in her words - does cool things! I’m having trouble.
She’s not into fantasy or adventure, undortunately.
Any thought or ideas very welcome.

'SHE', not he could get it.

Well, these adult children, who don't instil in the younger generations the joy of giving presents at tradition times to older members of the family, will know exactly how they are going to be treated in the future themselves. You get what you sow in all cases, so it looks like suitable gratitude was also not a trait which was implanted in the adult children either by the grandparents.

My granddaughter aged 8 has just started to receive pocket money from me (I said she had to wait until she was able to add up change in her head before he could get it). It's only a token weekly 50p at the moment but will probably increase with age to the maximum of £5, as I did with my own children I have made it quite clear though that this is dependent on her attitude towards me. I don't reward bad behaviour and thoughtlessness.

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lemonlegs nicely expressed!

I agree there . my gs (6 yrs) got a new year gift of a 2nd hand bike. he loved it etc...next time he came I said to him I don't think you deserve that bike. why says he? because I didn't hear you say thankyou.......he went a bit red .and next thing I know he's written me a thankyou note and a big hug.b ut older generation kids .they don't bother to reply. rude I know ,but its like you don't exist except to give them gifts/money. next time don't give any...why give them pocket money now they teenagers ,surely there parents can do that.

My children have always bought gifts or made something for their late dad and I from as soon as they were able to, when small they used to get a box and put my own stuff in it to give back to me but their faces were so full of joy that those ‘presents’ were so special but I think if I had to tell someone to buy me something it wouldn’t be the same, I know that their presents are given with love and thought, it isn’t about the cost

Can't disagree with that.

I've got a feeling Christmas might be about love. And we all need a bit of that.