Son traumatised

Nana how unkind. It’s their first ( and hopefully won’t happen again) traumatic birth and it’s for them to decide how to try and cope with loving appropriate support ready when they want to reach out for it

@NanaandGrampy, the fact that is neither the first or last traumatic birth in the world is irrelevantl. It is their first and only they know how to deal with it. Having witnesses the effects myself I can tell you that it is much harder than ‘oh well we all have difficult births’. My son and Dil are two of the toughest, caring and strong people I know. They were so excited about this first baby. Watching them afterwards, they had a complete personality change.

@B9exchange you seem very respectful of their position.

Congratulations B9 you have lots of happy times to come with your new grandson.
It has been a difficult time for your son & daughter in law, they are dealing with something way out of their experience. Make sure they know they have your love and support, keeping in touch with the other Grandma is a good idea. It's a time to wait patiently now until they have come to terms with everything. I don't understand why they haven't told the rest of the family, that does make things difficult for you, but it's their choice to make. I hope everything goes well now for all of you.

I had my 3 children by caesarian and all six of my grandchildren were born by ceasarian....daughters inherited same problem I had. It takes a lot out of you and you are left with a lot of pain while you recover from what is major surgery. On top of physical recovery they also have the mental stress tgat they went through. Leave them be...let them recover physically and mentally. Your time will come...you have years and years to enjoy time with this little person. They will contact you when they are ready. Hopefully they have sent you a picture.

Firstly congratulations- hopefully by now you have met your wonderful GC.
However I feel they have been very silly. I too had a horrendous first birth but I certainly did not ask GPs to stay away. I knew I would probably need their support on the first few days when I was finally allowed home ( 2 weeks later).
My Mum did not see him for 2 weeks but she lived a very long way away but Dad & step-mum & hubbie's parents saw him the next day & it did me good to see how thrilled they were too.
Make the most of it as soon as you get your first cuddle- there will be plenty more.

Ask for a picture & bide your time. I've been there.

You are doing the right thing by holding back and following your son's wishes, but I hope for all your family's sake, they don't take too long about their press release.

He still hasn't told his siblings. We have a big family event on Sunday (regrettably a big birthday for me!), and how on earth will I explain why they are not there and yet am not allowed to say anything about the baby?!

I am glad they have DiL's mum there to help out, so not much point in my offering to help out practically at the moment, but I'll bet she would have made sure her own children were fully informed.

I know I have to accept it and wait, but just so grateful for the opportunity to let off steam here, and all your kind replies!

Planned Caesarians are nothing like emergency caesarian at the end of a long and difficult labour.

Congratulations on your new baby grandson!
I can easily relate to your son and DIL. When our first son was born by emergency c-section after 36 hours of labour and no progress, I was exhausted both physically and emotionally. Then I had big problems with b/fing. My baby was screaming non-stop, and I was hysterical. I didn't want any visitors. When a friend called to say they wanted to come and visit us in the hospital, I asked them not to come, as I just didn't feel ready to see anyone.
It is natural you want to see your grandson, but they need some breathing space right now.
Recovering after c-section is tough. Even going to the toilet the first time after the op is an ordeal. Having a poo after the section is terrifying. Everything is painful, and the pain relief meds make you woozy.
Then you are constantly prodded and checked up by the nurses, there is no privacy in the hospital.

Actually I feel quite angry for you B9exchange. They are being selfish.

Congratulations. I hope you get to see your little grandson soon.

You are absolutely right Maximka, I will be patient, just wish he would tell his siblings, or let me do so....

Yes, I know she has been through an ordeal, but they have their longed for baby at last. Now give Granny a thought.

I think hugaby has explained the situation perfectly. Who wants constant calls and visits from grandparents or siblings or friends after such a traumatic birth. Send them a lovely bunch (or better still, arrangement so no need to faff with putting them in a vase) of flowers with a card containing a message of your love and support. If you want to, you can tell them to call you whenever they need to but without pressing them for an invitation to visit. Your grandson will be there for you to meet and enjoy for many years to come ...

How can you possibly have a big birthday celebration and basically lie about the baby? However difficult things are for your DS, he cannot put you into that position. Could you not say to him that you will be very uncomfortable at your celebration if he does not let his siblings know first.

Please spare a thought for the new Mum. Previous trauma, drugs, intervention, an emergency section.....all seriously mess with your head. And then you have a tiny baby who needs feeding and care and a partner who is a little fragile.

This is not about Granny or siblings or parties. Give the Mum love and support. Send a cleaner round to the house , give her a voucher for a treatment, make and freeze some meals. and thank the medical staff/higher power that baby and son and Mum are still with us.

Gonegirl I’m just speechless. OP I’m sure your DS and his wife will appreciate you just accepting what they want at the moment and love you all the more for it when things settle down

Thank you grannytotwins, I think I will give him until the end of tomorrow, and if he hasn't told them then, just send a loving text sayinig they are worried, and I will have to tell them on Sunday if he hasn't managed to by then. I don't want to put pressure on him when he is obviously and understandably in shock, but we are a family, and all in this together.

I suggest you briefly tell son, you are not going to keep secrets, its very unhealthy. He must simply send a text saying baby has arrived, they are tired and will be in touch soon. End of.

Lies are sometimes exactly the right thing to do - or rather ‘economical with the truth’. Eg they're both a bit tired at the moment, you know what it’s like with a new baby, etc etc I’m sure you can manage OP

Actually this is prodding some very unhappy memories for me. Think about it, major abdominal surgery on tissue which is already stretched. Its agony. Constipation, trapped wind, interventions, its absolutely vile. And the tiny dependant baby and breast feeding.

The party and the siblings are not really relevant.

OP your last post has surprised me - please don’t put pressure on him, you are not all in this together as equals family or not

" foetal distress"......2 words nobody wants to hear.

maryeliza totally gobsmacked about yours.

Friend of my daughter's went through similar, and lost her uterus in the process. But the whole family, and friends, were all in it together.