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Grandparenting

Son traumatised

(206 Posts)
B9exchange Thu 07-Mar-19 23:01:49

I just wonder if this has happened to anyone else?

DS and DDiL had given up all hope of having a child when she found she was pregnant. A few worries over early bleeding, but all proceeded normally to the due date and beyond. After 10 days she went into labour and off they went to the hospital. A long labour battling solely with use of gas and air, no progress, epidural put in, then she suffered a large haemorrhage, panic stations and was rushed into theatre for emergency caesarian as the heart rate had dropped quite dramatically. We of course knew none of this.

We had a text from DS to say that the baby had arrived, but they were tired and needed to rest before saying anything more. We understood and waited for more news. after 20 hours with no contact, and no reply to text and phone call ignored, I was starting to worry.

Eventually get a phone call from DS, deeply upset, reveals what she has gone through, and says they don't want to see anyone at the moment. I do really understand this, and of course will respect their wishes, but I would so love to be able to meet our new grandson, it is really frustrating to be so close and yet not knowing when things will improve.

DDiL's mum rushed over as soon as she heard of the birth, as is only natural, and I am glad they have her support. I am being unreasonable I do realise this, but I would just love to know when I can get to see the three of them, it is so frustrating, I just want to wrap my arms round them?

B9exchange Sat 09-Mar-19 23:59:58

Goodness Cold, what a dreadful experience, do you still have flashbacks?

I was planning to take a meal they can pop in the freezer and use when short of time, naturally I have been stocking up on baby clothes, fluffy bunny, muslin cloths, pamper items for DiL, chocolates and wine for both of them, what would you take?

Bibbity Sun 10-Mar-19 00:14:01

Honestly I wouldn’t take much. She may be seriously overwhelmed still.
I hated it When my MIL would rock up with way to much stuff.
For this first visit I would just mention that you’ve grabbed some stuff and you can bring it again when they’ve had some rest.
The most important thing is to be patient. Of course you will want to get as much baby time as possible but after what your DIL went through she may be a bit possessive and out of sorts. Just go with her flow.

Summerlove Sun 10-Mar-19 01:19:13

I would take a freezer meal, but don’t expect to stay to eat it.

Offer to make more meals as needed.

I’m glad they are home and recovering

littleflo Sun 10-Mar-19 07:59:00

Happy Birthday, it is so good to get such a positive outcome. Of all the horrible things they will remember about the birth there will be lots of happy ones too. Not least of these will be how you respected their wishes and showed great understanding.

Now you have years of fun ahead of you. Congratulations.

Lily65 Sun 10-Mar-19 07:59:28

I would take the meal and visit for half an hour maximum.

The new Mum nearly died and there is new life. It's a hell of a lot to take in.