Gransnet forums

Grandparenting

So worried

(61 Posts)
Vi0let Wed 01-May-19 02:14:10

Hi, I'm New here and sobbing as I write this. My daughter & grandchildren 11 & 9 are moving 400 miles away. Obviously I'm going to miss them but could come to terms with it if I knew my grandchildren would have a better life. The problem is my daughter seems indifferent to their needs. For example, she shows little affection, always seems angry with them, rarely takes them out, no routines, late for school everyday, lets them watch tv or play computer games until late at night. She's moving to be with boyfriend of 6 months. All very sudden. No schools, job, permanent home set up. So worried daughter will be so wrapped up in being with boyfriend that children will be even more neglected and I won't be able to support them.

BlueBelle Mon 06-May-19 23:07:25

I think no one suggested the children were removed but could the grandmother have them while the mother and boyfriend got settled got a home set up and schools jobs etc after the original post said no schools, jobs or permanent home set up
that’s where my thinking cane from anyway

Summerlove Tue 07-May-19 12:38:58

bluebelle People have suggested she get social services involved. To me, that’s not asking to keep them until the end of the school year. That’s suggesting that she keep them full-time.

MovingOn2018 Tue 07-May-19 14:36:58

I think no one suggested the children were removed but could the grandmother have them while the mother and boyfriend got settled got a home set up and schools jobs etc

Wrong! Below are posts all from different posters stating otherwise. You don't call social services in hopes of their involvment preventing/delaiying their move OR placing grandma as a legal guardian to her daughters children, all for mom is moving on, and away with a new man and grandma's finding it difficult to cope. That's NOT what social services is there for. Children need their parents more than they need grandma.

Perhaps you can contact social services your end and ask them to contact the new areas team.

In your situation I'd be contacting the social services

Any chance of you having the children? - I hope Social Services are involved....... and it may well be that life with you is a much better option.

Could you suggest to your daughter that the girls stay with you so that she doesn’t have to go to the trouble of setting them up at new schools etc and really focus on her new relationship. “Sell” it to her like that?

Have the children’s school noted how the children have been going to school.

I would be asking if I could have the children.

It would be great if the children could live with you if possible.

Could the children stay with you while mum sorts out accommodation, schools and settles in? Otherwise suggest you contact Social Services

hmmhmm

Bbbface Fri 10-May-19 09:55:29

@MovingOn2018

Reacquaint yourself with the situation.

In this scenario you really think so unreasonable for posters to suggest social archives involvement and / or grandmother offering to have the children so they remain at their schools, with friends and routine?confused

*For example, she shows little affection, always seems angry with them, rarely takes them out, no routines, late for school everyday, lets them watch tv or play computer games until late at night. She's moving to be with boyfriend of 6 months. All very sudden. No schools, job, permanent home set up*

Vi0let Fri 10-May-19 19:01:31

Sorry I've not been on here for a few days. Just to clarify - I don't want the children to be taken away from their mum. Obviously I'll miss them when they move but I know I'll get used to it and there'll be visits. My concern is my daughter's chaotic & distant approach to parenting and the effect on the children. I think she needs support. I offer a lot of practical help (e.g. picking the children up from school) but won't be able to do so when they move and I'm worried about the children's well-being. By 'no permanent home' I mean they'll be living in a 1 bed flat they'll rent from a friend for a couple of months until they find a house to rent. When this happens the children will probably have to go to another new school - more disruption for them.

Summerlove Fri 10-May-19 19:59:43

Violet, I am very pleased to hear that you aren’t interested in taking the children from their mother.

It would be concerning thinking that there is so much disruption going forward for them. All you can do is tell them how much you love them and that you’re only a text away.

EllanVannin Fri 10-May-19 20:38:47

Social services should be lending their support. They're not just there to whisk the children off but are there to add their support and to suggest parenting classes for misguided parents which they like them to attend and in doing so they themselves will get a picture of how life is like at home with the children.

I'm surprised that the SS haven't involved themselves since the teacher must have explained certain behaviours/ dress/ whether they get themselves ready for school/ whether they have to get their own meals/ how they appear in the morning, as because a child spends all day at school the teachers recognise these problems which is why they alert social services.

Summerlove Fri 10-May-19 21:25:16

Perhaps the fact that social services is NOT involved means it’s not as bad as violet fears? Wouldn’t that be a comfort!

Vi0let Thu 16-May-19 14:47:48

Summerlove - Thank you. A very positive view. smile I hadn't thought of it in that way!

Summerlove Sat 18-May-19 01:24:42

I hope you are doing well vi0let?