I have every sympathy for the OP and how awful her situation is and how worried she is.
BUT
I despair of these grandparents who give their children everything they want then get upset when having brought up their children to see their parents and their purses as the answer to their every problem, then get upset when that is just what the children do.
Your DD has never stood on her own two feet because you have not let her. Why do you pay her debts, Why do you pay for her car and phone. Do you really do that for your grand children. If you think about it, the best thing for your grandchildren would have been for you to have pulled the rug from under your daughter's feet years ago and told her to wise up and do what every one else does and provide for her own family.
You have left it very late and it is going to be very difficult to do it now. Your daughter will play every tune in the repertoire of those who indulge in emotional blackmail, to make you keep coughing up the readies regardless of the cost to you. But you must tell her that the Bank of Mum and Dad has gone bankrupt and there will be no more money forthcoming for phone, car, debts, or, I regret to say, clothes, school equipment or anything else the children need. After a year or two you could safely start buying the children things, and there will always be Christmas and birthdays. But for your daughter the best love you can give her is tough love.
You feel like walking away, that is the first sensible reaction you have had on this issue. You must do just that.
Keep coming to us for support, we will be there.
