How Much should I be involved

Maybe suggest bringing some dinner and ask would they prefer x y or z. Also when you want to go and visit say “I was going to pop through at the weekend would Saturday or Sunday work best for you”. That way you are giving them the opportunity to say “actually we would quite like a quiet weekend could you leave it till whenever”. Or they might say actually could you come now and help with something

Our new granddaughter is just 8 weeks old. We have seen her lots of times. We were asked to the hospital within just over one hour of her being born. However, they are very independent and like to do things for themselves. For instance when we visit (we always ask when is convenient and wait to be told) I say shall I load the dish washer for you. They say no, we will do it. We take nice biscuits and chocolate that they like and they are really pleased!! We take them out for food, done breakfast or tea or ice cream in an afternoon. It is always to suit them. We are more than happy to fit in at any time of day. Just ask them when is convenient and always do as they ask!!! Most important!!! Enjoy!

Many congratulations on becoming a grandparent! Lovely feeling isn't it?!?!?

I have several and from experience of my daughters and daughters in law I know it's best to offer the help and support but not to be round there every day. New parents need time to get used to having a new arrival and from experience the onset of the baby blues can put a strain on any relationship, however close. One of my daughters did not cope well with it at all and I found myself on the end of some hurtful remarks, simply because she was feeling low. All was soon mended though and she was quite upset to think she'd been nasty towards me, she just felt so overwhelmed!

So, the secret is, offer the help in practical ways - laundry shopping etc but give them space to get used to the new arrival.

Above all, enjoy being Nana, Grandma, Mama, Nanny, whatever title you choose to adopt. In the fullness of time DD will bite your hand off when you offer to babysit..........oh and think of all the cuddles you'll get then!

Talk to them and say you are there for them but don't want to appear pushy, I'm sure they will be glad that you had that conversation.x

DD and SIL never really wanted help w/ cooking, laundry, etc. They wanted someone to take care of baby for a while, so they could tend to these other things, take a shower, or get some rest. Especially w/ the colicky one. They love their children dearly, no doubt, but needed a break sometimes, as a colicky new baby can be a fulltime job.

So I agree w/ those who say that not all parents have the same needs and to ask what you can do to help, if anything. Ok to come to "hold the baby" if you're also going to do some babycare and that's what the parents want/need. And if you tell the parents to "take a break" and don't expect them to be making you pots of tea, etc.

If they don't want any help, IMO, it may be ok to let them know you want to see your new GC. Again, IMO, it depends on the parents. I would have been very hurt if my parents and PILs hadn't been interested in being around my babies, as long as they didn't overstay their welcome. That's another thing, keep visits short unless you're in the middle of helping. Other parents prefer to be alone w/ their new child as much as possible. Just follow their lead, focus on their needs more than your own, and you'll be welcome whenever they want visitors or need help surely.

www.amazon.co.uk/Good-Granny-Guide-Jane-Fearnley-Whittingstall/dp/1780720319?tag=gransnetforum-21

Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall’s mum has written a book called the Good Granny Guide - it’s got some good tips.

Was in same position 7 weeks ago. Not sure what to do.....
It’s now a combination of her saying when you coming for a cuddle/can I come for a cuddle/ do you need any help / shall I cook you something/ you want me to come hold baby whilst you jump in the shower and a million other things!
Just going and giving her a hug make a cuppa or a sandwich is all she needs.
My favourite is :
Is there anything I can do or you want me to do today that will help you.
I’ve been asked to go pick up a new top? Or some baby lotion mundane things but all helps! Good luck no one ever wrote a book on how to be a good Grandma - just enjoy the moments when they come up x

Witzend

I agree, the visitors who hog the baby, whilst you make endless pots of tea are a pain

But I personally wouldn’t like all this fussing around me, I’m sure I would have been grateful for someone to pick up some shopping, or maybe even cook a meal, but only for a few days, I think we possibly make too much of a fuss these days

I’m in Scotland too - but like every country throughout the world we’re all different and it’s not a nationality thing! Just ask the parents and take the lead from them as others have said

Just tell her you’re thrilled with the arrival of your grandson .... and offer any help you can give...and mean it. New babies are slightly terrifying as we all know ...I would have snatched my mums arm off to be offered help with a child who didn’t sleep more than two hours at a time for two long years!! Hyperactive they called her...hyper intelligent as it turned out!! She’s now a psychiatrist dealing with wayward children who are excluded from school. Offer help...and if she says she doesn’t need any just say can I come see baby if it’s convenient. Take food/cake....enjoy him.

Bugbabe I'm in Scotland and I agree with you. Popping in to see family didn't need an invitation when I had my babies.

I see my 14 week-old DGS about once a week but find Whatsapp a blessing as DS sends pic's almost daily. The latest shows him (baby not DS) in his new swimming togs. He's had 2 'lessons' and, as mum n dad are both keen swimmers there'll be lots more.
Why not encourage the use of WhatsApp? It's lovely to have these day-to-day pic's and not just the posed ones. Certainly makes me feel in touch.

My advice, would be to give your daughter a few days, then perhaps text het, asking how she and the baby are, tell her you'll be there if and when needed. Offer to go or help her with shopping, etc. Or if she wants you to look after the baby whilst she catches up on a little rest.

How well we all know that urge to get our granny hands on the newborn, however, I agree with others who are saying ask and wait. You are in for the long game so give them a couple of days on their own specially if the dad is on leave. For what its worth I think now I was around too much for DD1 (there were reasons) too little for DD2 and certainly not enough for DIL who missed her own mother when she went home, still hindsight is a wonderful thing.

agree 100% with SueH49. 4 times in the baby's 1st week - more importantly the parent's first week as parents is not good and if the questioner is wondering about this it sounds as if she'd not been invited by mum/dad. Poor them.
a few years ago a friend who had her first baby late in life - when even my youngest was a teen - was told by her midwife to bolt the doors until the baby was a fortnight old and sort out her routine and decide how she wanted to do things before she let the world in. I wish i'd had that midwife... I was saved from a lot of inappropriate visiting by being in hospital x2 weeks with my first, 10 days with my second and 6 days with my third but I know women who've had grandparents at the door the day they arrive home. Poor things.

Keep your eyes open. 'I want to help you. Would you like me to do that bit of ironing?' Or 'I'm popping into Tesco for a couple of things. Do you need milk/bread...?'
Keep you ears open. Ring once a day. How does she sound? Would she like you 3 to go for a walk, or would she like you to take baby for a walk so she can nap
You're a mum, you can do this.

4 times already??? Lucky you! My first Grandchild is 6 days old and I haven't seen him once yet! Scheduled for today. I wasn't told that she was in labour or that he'd arrived until he was 3 hours old. My daughter made it clear before he arrived that I would have to adhere to their rules, take it or leave it. So as much as it hurts, I have no choice but to sit and await my invitations. This has been one of the longest weeks of my life.

This I such a personal thing for each family
When I had my first child I was living 200 miles away from my mum. As soon as I had him she got on the train and cane to stay for a week. I would never have wanted her to miss out on those early days and she was a god send. For my other 2 I lived around the corner and I was happy for her to call everyday. She helped with the baby so I could give my other children some attention.
I have a daughter, I’m sorry but I can’t imagine having to ask on a forum when it would be ok to visit her newborn. I know I would be welcome whenever. When I had my 2nd child my mother called in every morning on her way to work to have a cuddle. This gave me time to shower and sort myself out ready for the day without having to leave baby alone.
Maybe we are different in Wales. We don’t need invitations to visit our family, and just ‘popping in’ to see family or friends doesn’t need an invitation.
Just ask your daughter.

If her partner has taken leave to be with her I would wait to be invited.I would telephone and offer to help if needed giving them the chance to tell you how things are going.Then when your daughter is managing on her own I would offer help and I am sure it would be very much appreciated.
Congratulations on your new grandchild!

4 times in the first week is way over the top, in my opinion, if no extra help was actually needed. I babysat my first grandchild when my second was born, and then almost as soon as they came back from the hospital ( 5 hours after the birth!), I left them to bond as a family. I didn't want to give too much attention to the new baby in case the older one got jealous.
I visited once later that week with my daughter's sister, then left them to it while the husband was on paternity leave for 2 more weeks. All friends rang first to ask if it was convenient to visit. Once the dad had gone back to work, we saw each other 2/3 times a week as I was helping with the school pick up.

My daughter had her baby about a month ago. I have seen her on about 4 occasions too because she is taking her time to bond with her little girl (it wasn't a good experience with her last one) and getting over the birth. I have told her that I will be there if she needs me and to tell me if she wants to be left alone. As much as I want to see that little mite more, it is much more important that Mum feels relaxed and her needs are met at this time. I'd suggest that you take your lead from your daughter but let her know that this is what you are doing.

I would ask your daughter what would help her the most. Some couples want to down timw alone with their new babies others crave company. She might appreciate it if you take her some meals, offer to do her washing etc

it all depends how close you are/have been with your daughter before baby.I saw my daughter almost every day as I did my mother.Even if it was half an hour on the way home from work .When baby arrived I didn't visit for 3 whole days ,mainly because I had a cold and she was quite upset about it.
She went back to work when baby was 4 weeks old ,her choice ,her Dad thought it would be good if we job shared so she could avoid PND as she was prone to depression.That worked ,she was fine and I walked baby to her for breastfeeding when I had him in the afternoons .We had the same routine when his sister arrived 4 years later .Every family is different ,do it your way .

Tell your daughter that you are there when she wants you to cook them a meal and take it over, help in any other way so that she and hubby can enjoy as much time at this moment with their new baby - tell her also that you are delighted to be grandparents and would like to develop a great relationship with your grandson - the rest will flow - don’t intrude and don’t distance youeself