My son and daughter in law had their first baby at the start of June. We only have the one child so this is our first grand child. We’ve never seen that much of them, they live just over an hour away and work hard. We’re retired. We’ve always got on ok with our daughter in law,although she hasn’t always visited with our son and in the 10 years they’ve been together she’s only slept at our house once and then they went home early because she said she couldn’t sleep on the mattress !
Since the baby’s arrived we’ve had problems. My husbands father has been very ill and we spent quite a lot of time looking after him for a couple of months, also frequent hospital visits which entailed 150 mile trips each way. So we weren’t always around. We’ve also had 2 weeks away on working holidays. Daughter in law is on maternity leave until next year but doesn’t seem to want us to visit. We’ve offered to take the baby out for a bit so she can do her own thing, she hasn’t even replied to my messages. My son says she’s busy. We’ve seen the baby 3 times, once we went for lunch, which I took, other times have bee half hours on our way to the hospital or back. I’ve been told not to take any more clothes as she has plenty. She’s rebuffed my offers of the crib my husband had as a baby ( pretty wicker one).
We have been very generous with money over the years, deposit for home, paid off her student loan, set up a trust fund, etc. Obviously we would never mention that but we do feel rebuffed and hurt that they haven’t been more willing to let us see the baby. My son does send lots of photos and he rings us weekly but we feel we’re missing out. Her mother has been up for several days to help when my son has had to work on Saturday and this weekend she’s going to stay at her mums. Her mum has also had the baby overnight while they’ve had a night away.
We have friends with grandchildren who have been shocked at how things are going for us. I don’t think we’re nasty people, we try to be accommodating but we don’t know what to do, if anything. It’s making my husband feel ill, he’s getting depressed and feels things won’t improve. Any suggestions?
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