I can understand your DiL not wanting the crib, as new parents enjoy choosing their own cots/pushchairs/etc., and often already have ideas about what they want. Also, new parents often get so many clothes bought for their new baby, and they hardly get chance to wear them before they are outgrown, so I really wouldn't feel offended about that at all ... I went a little overboard when my GC was born, and the clothes were hardly worn.
However, I don't think you are being unreasonable to want to see more of your first, and only, grandchild. Regardless of how often you saw your son and DiL before baby was born. When adult children finally leave home/get married, they have their own busy lives to lead, and many of us don't want to live in each others pockets. But when grandchildren come along, this is a new stage in all your lives. And, as a paternal GM myself, I totally understand that you may feel a little bit pushed out, especially when the maternal GM is getting to spend so much more time with the baby. I do remember it very well, when I had my own children, I would always spend much more time with my own mum, which I think is totally natural. I honestly never expected, or had any intentions to encroach on that special mother-daughter relationship between my Dil and her own mum. However, looking back on my own relationship with my MiL, at the time had my own children, I actually bitterly regret now not having included her more. Whilst unintentional, I totally understand now how upsetting it must've been for her, and my FiL. I really do think sometimes that DiLs, and their mothers, should perhaps realize that grandchildren are just as important, and loved just as much by paternal grandparents, as they are by maternal grandparents.
Thankfully, I'm lucky to be able to say that, after a bit of a sticky start, within a few months, things did sort of work themselves out. Even to the point where the maternal GPs, who are retired and have very busy lives, are often too busy, and my husband and I manage to get our own special time with our gorgeous GC!