grandchild love seems overwhelming at times

I had a full and very public career before grandchildren. I'm still somewhat active in my career field but now wish I had been able to spend more time cherishing my own children instead of working such long hours. I feel privileged to have the time and resources to devote to being a full time gran.

Some people find it much easier to feel love than others.

Just as some are easily offended when others will laugh things off.

My sons are totally different.
If the elder makes a mistake, even one which doesn't really matter, he will be furious and brood about it for day.
If the younger made exactly the same error, he'd just laugh and put it right or forget it.

We are all different. Love is never wasted.

I know what you mean, OP. I loved my children very much - but maybe because life was so busy with them and work, I never really appreciated how much I loved them. Now I have grandchildren - two I see every day because I'm their co-parent with my son . I love them but it's an "everyday" sort of love, like I had with my own children.

My daughter lives far away, and one of her children has a disability. Miss M as we call her, is the most loving child I've ever known, and she overcomes her disability every day with such courage , it stabs me in the heart to think of her. She Facetimes us a couple of times a week, and just seeing her face makes me melt. This love is so special, I feel sorry for anyone who hasn't had it in their life.

I'm in the 'no' category as well. I love my grandchildren and will always be there for them, they are all adults now, have independent lives as do I.
I think if you have a sick grandchild or one with a disability then you feel much more protective of them and are probably more involved in their care.

MissAdventure, I completely agree with you. I love my grand children, but it doesn't take over my life, they are not my children, they are my sons'.

Mebster - no, no, no. I DO love my grandchildren dearly but my deepest love is for my own children.
The thought that I could love my grandchildren more than my own children almost makes me weep. How could that even be possible?

I do see them often but am not looking after them on a day to day basis.

Bradfordlass It is not a question of bing able or unable to love. I do not doubt we all love our children and grandchildren very much It is a question of whether you let this emotion overwhelm you or not.

When we were rung to be told DD had been injured in a road accident, we did not immediately and precipitously jump into the car and rush off. To me that would have been the 'emotions overwhelming me' reaction.

We knew her injury was serious but not critical so instead we delayed starting our journey by 30 minutes because we realised we would probably be away from home for at least a couple of nights so packed an overnight bag, we also reckoned that it was better to check our diaries and send any necessary cancellation emails before we went. As a result when we arrived at our daughter's bedside we were able to concentrate entirely on her and her needs. We spent the night at her house and were able to turn up at the hospital, the next morning with clean teeth and clean underwear, ready for what the day would bring.

Because we thought before we responded, we were prepared for everything we had to do from speaking to her employer to contacting friends and family. When we realised we were in for a long stay (over 2 months in the end), we were able to plan for this in a calm and rational manner.

We were much better able to give DD all the care and love she needed, by thinking and planning before we responded than rushing out helterskelter in an emotional turmoil and then finding ourselves cluttered with the problems of arriving at her bedside unprepared.

I was in no way prepared for the immense love I feel for my new Grandson. I was and still am a very devoted mother to my children and their partners, but the love for my grandson matches the love I have for my children. I love to watch my daughter with him and I am proud I have raised such a lovely mummy. I think about my daughter and grandson all the time, I even have dreams about them. My whole life has changed in the last three months like I wouldn’t have believed before he arrived.?

I can't believe how much I love our granddaughter. I never thought about being a gran and when DD told us she was pregnant (I was 50), I was horrified. Oh how it changed when that little creature came along. She's 19 now and the light of our lives

This topic has been raised on GN before and I discussed it with my dd at the time. She said that it's something that is talked about amongst new parents because they are aware it's become a 'thing'.

The consensus of opinion is that parents don't like it. It makes some of them wonder if they are now second rate, a mere vessel that produced the beloved grandchild and others feel that the adoring GP's are trying to undermine or compete with the parents. I was quite shocked when she said that but actually I see her point.

I very much love my own GC but I see my place as supporting my own children in their lives. Naturally one feels very protective towards small children but then I'd feel the same way about anyone who is vulnerable.

It's a No from me.

Also many new grandparents haven't taken on board, that when a child marries or has a partner, and certainly a child. Then the relationship between parent and child changess. At that point in the document of life, there is a full stop and a new paragraph.

Have always felt that the grandchildren are very much my children’s children. Love them dearly, but at the end of the day, they are one step removed from us. Their parents are their number ones, not us. It’s as if some GN’ers are trying to re-live their parent days via the GC’s. No wonder if some sons, daughters, SIL’s and DIL’s feel a bit threatened.
Helicopter grandparenting!

?

I love the lot of 'em - Son, daughters, grandsons. I'm at my happiest when I'm with them all. They are just such a lovely, happy, bunch of people.

Sorry if that's sick-making.

That's not sick-making, Gonegirl. I'm at my happiest with my family, too. They're my favourite people!

That sounds perfectly normal to me.

Who would argue with that?

No, it's not Gonegirl

It's just how it should be, but I will add granddaughters to the list too.

Have to disagree, chaffinch. My paternal grandparents adored me the way I adore my grandson. It isn't competitive, it is simple, pure, unconditional love. My daughter is his mum and makes all his decisions. She stands back in amusement at my adoration.

I'll be dead and gone by the time he's an adolescent, so no point trying to helicopter his direction in life, which is lovely. Makes my time with him purely in the here and now.

I have lovely memories of the love of my grandparents. My granny in particular. She's been dead since I was 11, so that was some phenomenally strong love! I hope my grandson remembers my love for him that way.

I love all of my grandchildren and my great grandchildren.
I hardly see my two little great grandsons, I love them very much but if they are not here with me I don't get obsessed.I am happy to know they are safe and well cared for.
My oldest grandchild child who is 27 lives abroad where she has a successful career which she worked and studied hard for.When she was born I was overwhelmed with love for her but now I hardly see her, I just get used to it.
May I add that this overwhelming love for my grandchildren was all brought home to me when my son's first marriage broke down and we were denied access of the three children as his ex wife had stopped him from seeing them.It completely broke my heart as until then I was obsessed with all of them, and like OP they were never out of my mind.This went on for two years until my son took his ex to court to gain access which he was granted.That cured me of my obsession and taught me to never ever take anything for granted.
I have one of these children, who is now 23 living with me now.She is a trial.

Since my first grandchild was 18 months old, I have cared for him on a daily basis while his parents worked. Really got to see him growing up from up close. He will be 9 in November. My ex-Dil was not emotionally attuned to him, and so I became (and still am) a surrogate mom. I treasure the bond with him, and yes, I do miss him terribly when too much time of no contact passes, especially since he is a child of joint custody since he was five. His mom's new partner is a macho guy, so not very warm toward my grandson either. He has told him that if he cries, he will make him wear a dress. So, I feel concern for him when he stays with his mom, especially too because she lets him watch movies in his room before bedtime instead of reading books to him. They also subject him to shows like Criminal Minds!

I now have a step-grandson (6), and a granddaughter (1) who is the half sister of my grandson. I certainly feel affection for the step-grandson, but it is different. I also feel love for the granddaughter, but doubt the bond with her will ever surpass the one I have with my grandson, simply because she will not be in my care as much, and gets the most important nurture from her, mom as it should be.

When my GC was born, I was quite overwhelmed by the amount of love I immediately felt for her. After having my own children, I never thought I'd feel so much love for another child, but it took me by surprise. However, I do think that it's a different kind of love. I absolutely adore her, and I'd do anything in the world for her, but I don't think the feeling is quite the same as the love I have for my own son and daughter. I had a very close relationship with both my maternal, and paternal, grandparents, and I loved and adored them all, but not as much as my own parents ... just differently.

Is this all encompassing love just when they are small and cute or does the melting continue when they are grumpy teenagers?

I do love my AC and GC btw, just that if I melted every time I saw them I’d be a puddle on the floor.

It is a different kind of love than you felt for your children. Three of my grandchildren live several hours away, I probably see them every couple of months, and they come and stay in the holidays, but I don’t miss them in between times, we send the odd text, and the youngest one FaceTimes.

The other three are local, and like Stella said earlier, it’s a more practical kind of love. There aren’t many days when I don’t see them, I know they love being here, and I love having them.

But my big involvement in their lives is mainly to support our daughter, I think she’s a fabulous mum, but I’m sad that her life is so hectic, that time is racing by, and she’s not getting a chance to really enjoy them.

So I think a lot depends on circumstances, I think if my grandchildren lived abroad and I never saw them , I’d struggle to have real granny feelings for them, but seeing them all the time, you become so involved in all aspects of their lives, that inevitably you have a very strong bond.