grandchild love seems overwhelming at times

I do love my GC and was unprepared for the overwhelming feelings when the first one arrived 22 years ago nor was I prepared for the strange emotions when I saw my first GS's scan 6 years ago but as I haven't had the day to day care of any of them over the years I can't say it's an all encompassing passion that dominates my life. I don't really know the youngest two that well as they're on the other side of the world but that doesn't mean I don't love them and can't wait to see them at Christmas.

I think possibly our upbringing may have something to do with it. My own parents loved me but were not touchy feely type of people so there were no hugs and the daily professes of love I see from some people (or hear on phones while out and about), husband's parents were the same so consequently we weren't like that with our own children. We are all different and there is nothing wrong with any way of showing we care.

I truly love and adore all of my grandchildren... but i'm particularly close to one of my grandsons..
I've been chastised by some in my family for not hiding the affection I have for Adrian.. but alot just don't understand that of all my grandchildren Adrian is the only one who will tell me he loves me and hugs me without having to be asked..
I also feel guilty for loving him so much but I can't help it... He and I just bonded and I can't explain it..
Am I wrong for feeling this way.. ??

5 year old thread revived.

I also was raised by my parents whom I knew they loved us but didn't show alot of affection... myself being a baby boomer, boys were raised and taught that big boys don't cry.. so i didn't think to much into affection being that important to expressing that you love someone yet realized later in life that saying I love you and showing affection actually is very important and necessary..
I now wish I had hugged my kids more and told them more that I loved them.. I do know that they do know now that I love them very much..
Women just don't understand that most men show our love to our wife and children by how we provide for them and I believe this centuries long culture should change to include more physical affection and telling them you love them and how much they really mean to us..
Now in my senior years I'm trying to show that affection that I failed to show to my children now to my grandchildren..

Does any other grandparents have a special bond with a particular grandchild ??
I truly love and adore all of my grandchildren, but I have a special bond with one of my grandsons and have been chastised by some of my family members for not holding back the affection I show for him..
I do feel guilty for loving Adrian so much, but I can't help it.. out of all my grandchildren he is the only one who will hug me and tell me that he loves me without having to be asked..
He and I just bonded from when he was a baby and I can't explain how that bonding as grown into the love I have today..
Has anyone else experienced this..??

crystaltipps

Is this all encompassing love just when they are small and cute or does the melting continue when they are grumpy teenagers?

I did love mine more when he was small and cute. Now he’s 13 and grunts - not so much😂
I am joking of course!
I did love my granny and grandad even though we only saw them every 2/3 years. No messenger or FaceTime then either.
I see mine regularly, used to do quite a bit of child care but now degrees of separation are creeping in and he doesn’t need us so much.
That’s how it should be.

I love my family dearly but my grandchildren are my children's first love.

I agree with MissAdventure and others.

I actually think it's rather odd to love them more than your own children and just don't understand why.

I would do anything to keep the GC’s safe and healthy because I know how devastated my AC would be if anything happened

This is how I feel Calendargirl

Mebster -
now wish I had been able to spend more time cherishing my own children instead of working such long hours

I wonder if you have found the key here?

THREAD FROM 2019

Willow- I don't think it's a touchy feely thing that makes grandparents overwhelmed ... my parents were definitely that.

How do people find these very old threads? I have trouble finding ones from a few days ago! 😂

Marydoll

How do people find these very old threads? I have trouble finding ones from a few days ago! 😂

I was just about to ask that very same question? How do these old threads get revived? It seems a bit odd to me.

Keeperofpeace64

I truly love and adore all of my grandchildren... but i'm particularly close to one of my grandsons..
I've been chastised by some in my family for not hiding the affection I have for Adrian.. but alot just don't understand that of all my grandchildren Adrian is the only one who will tell me he loves me and hugs me without having to be asked..
I also feel guilty for loving him so much but I can't help it... He and I just bonded and I can't explain it..
Am I wrong for feeling this way.. ??

Yes if you are favouring one child over another then that is wrong.
As a mature adult you should treat them equally even if you don’t feel the same connection with all of them.

Why not start your own new thread rather than resurrecting an old one?

Now in my senior years I'm trying to show that affection that I failed to show to my children now to my grandchildren.

I can empathise with this. My husband's family (including his mother) rarely showed affection, which can make him seem rather cold and undemonstartive at times. It doesn't mean he doesn't love me.

However, now that we have grandchildren, he has become very affectionate and it is obvious that he adores them. It has had a knock on affect on the affectionate way he interacts with our own children.

In saying that he does not show favouritism for either of our grandchildren and if your family have noticed it, you need to moderate your behaviour and treat them equally.
My mother blatently favoured my middle child, it was extremely hurtful.

MissInterpreted

Marydoll

How do people find these very old threads? I have trouble finding ones from a few days ago! 😂

I was just about to ask that very same question? How do these old threads get revived? It seems a bit odd to me.

I wondered the same!

I don't think it matters how old a thread is - it is still resonating with some.

SueDonim

This topic has been raised on GN before and I discussed it with my dd at the time. She said that it's something that is talked about amongst new parents because they are aware it's become a 'thing'.

The consensus of opinion is that parents don't like it. It makes some of them wonder if they are now second rate, a mere vessel that produced the beloved grandchild and others feel that the adoring GP's are trying to undermine or compete with the parents. I was quite shocked when she said that but actually I see her point.

I very much love my own GC but I see my place as supporting my own children in their lives. Naturally one feels very protective towards small children but then I'd feel the same way about anyone who is vulnerable.

This pretty much sums up what I was going to post. The adoration by grandparents and, quite frankly, going completely gaga about grandchildren seems to be quite a modern "thing" as your DD says.

There are umpteen posts about it on Mumsnet from distressed new mums who say their mums or MILs want the grandchildren to call them "mummy" and even feign breastfeeding. One grandmother literally threw herself on the floor weeping uncontrollably because she hadn't seen the baby for 3 days. These are probably extreme examples, but it seems to have generally become a competition for affection fuelled by a strange form of hysteria.

I was born in the late 1950's and whilst grandparents were usually a source of love, it was so very different. They were often stricter than one's own parents and (other than exceptional circumstances) neither sought nor craved constant involvement in their grandchildren's lives.

I believe this trend may have developed partly due to social media but also grandparents having more disposable income and leisure time. They can afford to be indulgent, in terms of time, health and finances in a way that previous generations could not, and did not want to.

NotSpaghetti

I don't think it matters how old a thread is - it is still resonating with some.

I don't doubt that. What I was wondering about was how such old threads get revived in the first place. Do people actively seek out old threads rather than posting a new one of their own? Just curious.

Mebster

I love my grandsons so much that it feels overwhelming at times. They spend a lot of time with me but when they're not with me I think about them all the time. It's the greatest love I've ever experienced and I wonder if others feel the same.

No, I don't feel as you do. However I know we're all different.

Mebster I’m just like you!

I love the bones of my GCs, I look forward to seeing them but also to waving them goodbye after a tiring day trying to keep up with them. Tomorrow I am on babysitting duties for my 6 month old GS, he is adorable but am sure that by the end of the day I will be glad hand him back.
X

To be honest I was never maternal and suffered from post natal depression. As my only child grew up we became closer together. When my 2 grandsons were born it was like an explosion of love and I thought ‘So this is what maternal love is all about’.

I am very close to my son now and he to me 🥰

An old post but an interesting topic. I relate more to NotSpaghetti et al. I love my grandchildren to bits, but my children will always come first - as their children will to them. When my first grandchild was born I was expecting the same rush of love I had with my own children, but it didn’t happen. I was a bit upset at first, but soon realised that love would grow as they did…..but it is a different sort of love. I do think that nature does this for a reason. When my children were small I would not have been able to bear being away from them for two weeks, but as a busy Grandma going on hol etc, I’m glad to see them when I get back off holiday etc but it’s not an issue. Also, I have a grandson that I don’t see. While this is very sad, if I had parental love for him it would be unbearable.

I’m going to be a Nan for the first time in December. I’m very close to my daughter and so very much looking forward to my first GC arriving.