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Grandparenting

Advice over grandsons and the battle of the chair!

(42 Posts)
Summermary Wed 28-Aug-19 04:31:23

My 2 grandsons and daughter live with me. GS aged 9 has spent time away at his dads. GS aged 2 loves climbing and particularly the window chair so he can see garden. GS 9 has always sat here. He came home yesterday and fully obstructed the little one from the chair. The small one is going through a bop you stage if blocked - he doesn’t talk much yet. I can see how each one feels but unsure how to deal with it. GS 9 has obviously had his own way whilst away. They buy adult meals for him and in a week he’s tubby. Expensive toys. We don’t want to compete. Also though we don’t want him feeling it’s no fun at home. We have other seats but GS9 likes the window seat. How would you resolve this?

absent Wed 28-Aug-19 05:21:59

Take timed turns – say, 5 minutes each. Set the kitchen/oven timer so everyone knows it's fair. Boring, but I have known it work in other situations.

BlueBelle Wed 28-Aug-19 06:48:36

Get two chairs
Does a child get tubby in a week?
If your daughter lives with you it’s her problem to solve not yours

Grannyknot Wed 28-Aug-19 08:06:44

I feel in a situation like this someone needs to take charge (it should be your daughter is she is there, or, perhaps it is different if it is your home). smile

I'm also a fan of setting a timer. I use my phone to set a timer (that reinforces that I'm in charge); my grandson likes to "speak" the allowed time into my phone for e.g. how long he is allowed to watch telly, and when the timer goes off, off goes the telly and he accepts that. Sometimes he tries to negotiate for longer and depending on how I feel I may say "Okay one more minute" but mostly, we all stick to the timer rules.

wildswan16 Wed 28-Aug-19 08:07:08

Every time the 9 year old goes to stay with his father it means he feels "odd" when he comes back. So he has to ensure that this is home again. Which is probably why he tends to be a bit dominant over his little brother who in his eyes has had everyone's attention while he was gone.

Extra attention, with a few special "big boy" privileges (within reason) might help.

Summermary Wed 28-Aug-19 09:17:42

Thanks Bluebell but the 2 year old would not understand that.

Summermary Wed 28-Aug-19 09:21:23

Sorry, message to Bluebelle was for Absent.

Bluebell. It’s a massive armchair- already huge in room.

GS looks like he’s been inflated 😟
DD is out so I’m on refereeing duty.

Summermary Wed 28-Aug-19 09:23:59

Grannyknot, the little guy won’t get the timer. I will have to negotiate with DG 9 to vacate chair for a time. I agree Wildswan, I was thinking this last night.

trisher Wed 28-Aug-19 09:29:41

Move the chair? If it's huge couldn't they share sometimes? I know brothers don't always get on (I have 3 boys) but they can usually be persuaded that if both want to sit on it they must share or neither gets it. Mind you whatever you do, once it is resolved neither of them will want it!!!

Callistemon Wed 28-Aug-19 09:48:02

If the 9 year old spends too much time just sitting in the chair then he won't lose his newly acquired tubbiness!
Can you persuade him to go outside and kick a ball around or some other activity and the 2 year old can sit in the chair for a while (my bet is that he'll then want the ball though grin)

Two of my DGC (cousins) once had an almighty squabble over a chair (both were about 3 or 4 at the time) so I took it away and they both sat on cushions on the floor.

Callistemon Wed 28-Aug-19 09:49:15

a massive arm chair room for two then!

Gonegirl Wed 28-Aug-19 12:10:13

This is so funny. Let 'em fight it out between 'em I say. grin

The two year old will soon toughen up.

MamaCaz Wed 28-Aug-19 12:24:45

Ban both of them from the chair when the bickering starts again?

Do you think it is the chair or its position that most appeals to the elder boy? If it is the chair, perhaps a compromise could be found whereby it is moved to a different position in the room, and a different, smaller (inferior in the eyes of the 9 yr old) chair put in the position that the younger boy so likes?

Gonegirl Wed 28-Aug-19 12:40:04

If it's down to looking out of the window, could you find him a short ladder? Or saw the bottom bit off of a long one and give him that?

Gonegirl Wed 28-Aug-19 12:41:53

We had a little ladder once. It had about four rungs to it. God knows what it was made for. Neither use to man nor beast.

Gonegirl Wed 28-Aug-19 12:42:11

I need to do some jobs.

Namsnanny Wed 28-Aug-19 13:20:51

Can you try a little of all of the suggestions, cos chances are they will all have an impact, but probably not for ever!

If it were me I would think ahead about something I could DO separately with each of them and bring that to the table when they argue.
Privaliges or attention for 8y and distraction for the younger one., and a calming cup of tea for you!!

Callistemon Wed 28-Aug-19 16:31:18

Is it raining tbere?

I can't understand why a 9 year old would want to sit for any length of time and look at a garden.
My DGC have been out in the garden today (it was drizzling a bit but that didn't put them off).
Then it did rain harder so they came in, they did gymnastics around the sitting room and played hide and seek. Then the younger one remembered she'd left her shoes out in the rain grin

Theoddbird Thu 29-Aug-19 09:50:59

Say no to both....tell them it is your chair.

EmilyHarburn Thu 29-Aug-19 10:36:24

an egg time with sand running though it might be better for the 2 year old

Paperbackwriter Thu 29-Aug-19 10:42:37

Why not just send them out into the garden to play rather than have to look at it from inside the house!

GabriellaG54 Thu 29-Aug-19 11:26:54

Good gawd...is this really the level we're at, bargaing with two kids as to who has a particular chair...?
Unbelievable!!

Callistemon Thu 29-Aug-19 11:34:27

Gabriella whatcyou are failing to understand us that this is of vital importance, deep significance and its relevance to the wider world.

What hope for the world if two brothers can squabble over territory like this? It is Cain and Abel, Romulus and Remus all over again.

Whatever.

Callistemon Thu 29-Aug-19 11:34:59

Sorry, fat finger!

Tigertooth Thu 29-Aug-19 11:45:24

BlueBelle

*Get two chairs
Does a child get tubby in a week?
If your daughter lives with you it’s her problem to solve not yourself*
Two chairs might not fit
Yes a child CAN get tubby in a week - we’ve just had a week in Italy and we’ve all put on a couple of lbs but I can actually see it most in my 9 yr old.
They live together and presumably eat together so of course Grandma takes an active interest -
I would distract the little one and occasionally ask 9yr old to hold his brother on the window chair to keep him safe - give him a bit of responsibility.
If 2yr old whacks his brother for being in the way, he should be immediately gently reprimanded, removed and distracted.
This stage won’t last for long👍🏼