A dil who needs advice ☹

You could say Pardon and make her repeat it and even say Sorry I didn't catch that, so she has to repeat it again. Even get her saying it a third time and then say ' What an odd thing to say!" Hopefully by then she will be suitably embarrassed!!

Although this is a serious subject, there is one programme on tele that has this theme in a more light hearted way. Has anyone watched Everyone Loves Raymond on channel 4? I think it is a great comedy and even though I have seen the repeats several times it still makes me smile.

Flossieturner gave some great advice, especially since bullies are usually very quick to turn things around, which causes the victims of their abuse to feel off balance. Because people who bully do it often, rude comebacks come quickly and naturally to them, whereas kinder, gentler souls are taken aback and can feel at a loss for words. Good luck! Hugs and to you and your new little one.

Oh dear - not nice. Assuming you are not too hormonal post baby could you manage a (tight) smile and respond with something like - yes, isn’t he lucky - he’ll find it really useful when he’s older..........

What a nasty woman !
I can fully understand how hurt you felt.
Next time she makes a nasty comment about how your baby looks/ acts, just tell her "That's funny, someone said that he looks just like you - poor soul" then carry on as if you had said nothing.
You have tried hard and it seems you can't win . She has had no cause to be like she is, apart from her jealousy. She really should get her own life!

I like mumofmadboys advice best. Smilingly pretend you didn’t catch any such awful remarks, and ask her to repeat again, and then again..... all the time holding her gaze. Follow it up with a calm “oh, did you mean that to sound so rude?”
Congrats on your lovely baby. My heart goes out to you trying to have a better relationship with your MIL than with your DM. Keep your girlfriends close and supportive who’ll tell you you’re doing a great job. Xx

I would have to say something nasty back like
That's my MIL A* grade in being a bitch and then laughed.
If it continues though start limiting contact as nobody has the right to make you feel bad. You need to stand up to her or it will continue.

The MIL was rude. What a horror! I'd have done the same as you and run off for a cry, but oh wow I'd hope now I'd have asked her to repeat it, maybe write down "resting bitch face" and say you'll have to look up what that is - unless she'd like to explain. I think, now she's done this once, she's going to try that again in the future, so be prepared.

I don't think it's that you are hormonal, Tinytink - this is your baby and any comments as to looks/appearance/behaviour will trigger normal protective Mum reactions. The MIL needs knocking off that pedestal she's put herself on.

Eloethan Mon 09-Sep-19 22:24:42 clearly I have failed in my attempt to calm this down rather than adding fuel to the fire. So many seem to want to add to the problem which can only make things worse. I was trying to get it back into perspective as aware that the post could have been sent rashly in a bad moment and have come across rather worse than it might have done after consideration. I prefer to be a peace maker and suggest ways of coping rather than confronting.

Oooh - I think I would have replied saying, 'Funny that, always reminds me of you when baby does that!'

What a total bitch. Normally I would agree that you need to stand up for yourself but this cow needs to be put right by her son. She needs to see that his loyalties are to you. I would advise you to have your husband tell her that he simply will not put up with her being nasty to you. It isn’t acceptable and if it continues then he will have no choice but to stop seeing her - his wife and child are the most important people in his life and whilst he loves his mother, he will not have her upset his wife in this way - even if it’s a “joke” it isn’t funny. Your MIL needs to understand that she isn’t his number one anymore.

Wonder why there are so many new posters on this thread?

She sounds very insecure and that's why she behaves the way she does. I would ignore her comments and see them for what they are the behaviour of a desperate woman trying to hold on to her son.
She sees you as a threat and that was clear from her very first interaction with you her place in her sons life so she tries to belittle you. Best ignore it and be sweetness personified to her.
Good luck.

Definitely an insult. Agree with Mealybug and those who suggested that you throw it back at her.

I agree with Bradford Lass. My husband used to go and see his Mother alone, she wasnt interested in the rest of us,If she had been I would have expected my husband to say something to her.

Maybe its her (odd way) of making a joke. Perhaps you could say something like oh really thats intersting, I think he looks like you when he does that!

My reply to nasty comments is did you mean that to be funny or just unkind?

I would try saying, in as even a tone as you can manage, "that's a very unpleasant thing to say" and if you're in her home gather your things and go home. If it's said whilst you're at home you should say something to the effect that it would be best of she went home now as you don't want any cross words in front of the baby. I would also make sure you tell your husband everything that's been said and leave it to him to have any confrontation with her.

What a horrible woman, she needs taking down a peg or two.

She is definitely bullying you and you need to tell your husband about it, he needs to be 100% on your side with this.

You need to both tell her, in no uncertain terms, that any more rudeness or snide comments directed at you, will not be tolerated and the consequence will be that she will be kept away from you and the baby.

She will probably try to turn it around that she was only joking or that you don't understand her banter. Don't fall for this!
Repeat that the behaviour will not be tolerated and the consequences.

Stop this bullying now! Good Luck!

If I didn’t know better as my ex mother in law has died yeArs ago. I would actually think it was the same woman. I feel your husband could have a word with her it’s very hurtful behaviour. It says so much about this woman’s character, I’ve never really understand why someone would try and put others down.i actually wouldn’t turn it into a joke as it’s not funny. Why should you be the butt of her pathetic jokes love.brilliant answer mealybug! Congratulations on your new arrival

Wow! People on here very passive, I would have lifted him straight out of her arms and said “Don’t you dare insult or be rude to me in friont if my child or it will be the last time you hold him.”
Sod putting up with that - YOU have the trump card now - son of her precious son - YOU have all the control - let her know that loud and clear. Tell your DH exactly what she said - don’t allow him to pass it off a joke or a misunderstanding and tell him that he can get her to behave - or you will.
Really - this needs to stop right now.

Maybe I'm not as polite and/or tolerant as a lot of people on here, but I would flat out confront her nastiness. I would say something like "I'm happy with any look my child has and will remain so as long as he doesn't grow up as ugly and spiteful on the inside as his paternal grandmother"! I would also say how lucky I am to have a wonderful husband who hasn't taken on the nasty streak his mother has, and how amazing it is that he has turned into a decent human being despite the example she has set - that it gives me hope my child will be OK if he's like his dad as you know it is not a family defective nasty-gene that courses through the generations!

I don't think this is anything to do with you being sensitive or hormonal - this is about a spiteful woman being horrible to the woman she feels as 'stolen' her son! Ignore, talk to your husband (and make sure he fully supports you) and if your mother-in-law can't be civil tell her she's no longer welcome. Personally I would've told her to f**k off already! Good luck. Oh, and congratulations on having your lovely baby, whatever faces he makes grinning

I think you need to ‘train’ her, a bit like you would with a dog. So whenever she says something rude you smile and say ‘well that was a bit rude wasn’t it?’ And at the same time you go to her and take the baby off her and play with the baby so she loses out on time with him. If she is not holding the baby you find some other was of keeping him away from her like cancelling her next visit. Be consistently friendly so that there’s nothing for her to complain about but she will soon get the message that being unpleasant to you means that she misses out of baby time.

Tinytink, you are not being unreasonable, over emotional etc. The comment your mil made was not nice. This is alpha female behaviour designed to establish her as the dominant female. Not OK behaviour.

As so many discussions on GN are about, when our offspring have their own families it is time for us oldies to take a step back. We have had our time running our own families and it is time to graciously and lovingly hand over to the next generation - offering our support if needed and requested. If we have done our job properly then we should be very confident that our adult children are well and truly able to manage their own families themselves. (And I do understand that in some particular situations that is not always the case.)

If such a comment is made again I would suggest saying, very politely, that it was a hurtful and derogatory comment and if she can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all. I would add that you are happy to have her support and assistance provided that she understands that the baby is yours and your husbands, not her baby. Any thoughts and contributions she may wish to make will be taken into consideration and under advisement.

You need to have some honest and open discussions with your husband about this issue and about boundary setting. You do need to be both singing from the same song book.

Good luck Tinytink, I think you are going to need it. ?

Yes MIL is rude to say the least.

You could respond by saying something like - that may be so but if he can hold his tongue and be polite to the nastiest of MIL's then he is my boy for sure, then turn and smile.

You will be feeling particulary sensitive at present but you must not let her control you with this sort of behaviour.