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Hating the inappropriate name

(173 Posts)
onlyruth Sun 20-Oct-19 13:48:43

Before I start, it's absolutely down to my daughter and son in law what they call their child. I'm very aware that there are whole areas of being a grandmother where I have to back off and not interfere. But I'm struggling with this more than is sensible and I need to get my head straight.

The name that they're planning on giving their daughter, due soon, I hate. And it's raised some eyebrows when my daughter's been asked by other family members, but again, people have tried to bite their tongue. I'm sorry that I'm not saying what it is, but I'm terrified that if my daughter googled it, that she'd find this post (so please don't speculate and type any guesses in your responses).
The connotations of the name (think stripper/prostitute) are such that I simply can't imagine using it to a tiny innocent baby. People's reaction has been to instantly ask what they'll call her for short - I imagine that like me, they're hoping they won't have to use the full name. But they don't have shortened version that they're considering.

Has anyone else felt this way? Do the connotations disappear once the baby 'becomes' their name? Has anyone actually been brave enough to say 'I think this is going to be a difficult name for your daughter to grow up with'? So far the connotations have been only lightly mentioned to them by another family member, and they've not seen a problem.

It doesn't help that some people, though privately thinking it's weird, have to their face said "oh what a lovely name!"
I suppose I want somebody brave (but not me) to be honest!

Anyway, do I try to bite the bullet and use the whole name, or shorten it myself into my pet name for her?

onlyruth Sun 20-Oct-19 13:50:26

(Her sibling is also struggling with this, so it's not as though it me being old fashioned or prudish)

MawB Sun 20-Oct-19 13:55:12

I do not for a minute believe that a name defines a person, but that a person can change how you feel about a name.
OK I had to struggle to zip my lip when one DD considered Otto, but have since met one of her friends whose enchanting little blonde angel pic Otto totally contradicts my “image” of the name blush
As a teacher there were always the naughty kids and they could influence how I felt too. I well remember a Heaven Lee (she wasn’t!)
So unless they are going for Genghis Khan, Adolf , Lucifer or Boris grin go with the flow!
PS I know a couple of gorgeous Talulahs !

MawB Sun 20-Oct-19 13:56:54

Oh and DD told me how she met another young mum in Norfolk who, when asked, gave her daughter’s name as Crumpet - not her nickname, her real name.
Not a lot you could say except smile and move on!

onlyruth Sun 20-Oct-19 13:59:25

I wouldn't choose it, but I could cope with Talulah!

BlueBelle Sun 20-Oct-19 14:00:26

You are right that it’s nothing at all to do with you what your grandchild is named and whether you call her by her proper name or pet name is up to you unless you are distinctly told not to by the parents
Names and their popularity change all the time and what may have a background story for your age group, may not have for your daughters age group or your granddaughters age group so be careful that you are not projecting this
One of my grandchildren’s friends has what I think a very strange name again because of sexual associations in my era but when I said to them gosh that’s a strange name to give a girl they had not a clue what I was on about and I didn’t go any further I won’t say the name in case it’s the one you are worried about but it started with L

midgey Sun 20-Oct-19 14:00:36

Names change over time, you don’t meet many baby Wayne or Waynetta! But those will come round again......

grannyactivist Sun 20-Oct-19 14:07:00

There is child in my family with a name that, try as I may, I cannot like, but have completely accepted. It was chosen by the mother against the wishes of the father and reflects a great many difficulties that are inherent in the relationship of the child's parents. It's a name that cannot be shortened in any way or made a 'nickname' of so we have all (no-one in the family likes the name I should say) agreed that we will come to terms with it.

Names that have particular connotations for some people are not always ones that are understood in the same way universally, so it may be that this name speaks 'prostitute' to you, but a lot of people won't make the same connection.

And if it's any consolation I genuinely cannot think of a name that clearly says 'stripper/prostitute' to me.

Oopsminty Sun 20-Oct-19 14:09:34

The only name I can think of is a Police song

I can imagine it being awkward to dislike the name but there's not much can be done!

glammanana Sun 20-Oct-19 14:10:36

Surely your DD must know the name can relate to something objectional ?
When my DIL told us the name for our GGD we where unimpressed as it is the name of a character in a TV series my DIL was 35yrs old at the time and this series was more suited for 13/16 yr old viewers a name which had never crossed my path I must now say that she suits the name even though it does not flow easily off the tongue.
I would keep your own council about the name and hope maybe someone will speak to the couple before they register her but if not go with the flow and just smile & use your choice of pet name for her.

Feelingmyage55 Sun 20-Oct-19 14:12:04

Oh dear - a minefield. My mother in law thought she was going to choose (dictate) the names for our children. Diplomacy with a capital D was required. Think how language changes and the names that could provoke teasing years ago Willie, Dick, Fanny (didn’t we all have and aunt ???), Gaye etc. Perhaps this name will be replace by the time baby arrives .....

notanan2 Sun 20-Oct-19 14:12:07

There is a girl in my DDs past who is called after an ancient myth. It is all about sex and incest. I cannot imagine how their parents thought it was appropriate, SURELY they googled it??

Unfortunately the girl is now in secondary school and people are still shock hmm @ her name!

NfkDumpling Sun 20-Oct-19 14:12:07

If you're close to your daughter perhaps you chould have a quiet, discrete word and add that you're having problems with the old meanings of that name and, if she doesn't mind, you'll call her ***.

Most childrens' names get shortened these days anyway and you say its a name which shortens to something pretty, so if you think they'll get upset if you say something, just do it and you'll find that others will follow suit.

notanan2 Sun 20-Oct-19 14:12:44

"There is a girl in my DDs past"
In my DDs CLASS!

BlueBelle Sun 20-Oct-19 14:13:17

Exactly oppsminty

notanan2 Sun 20-Oct-19 14:17:05

I dont think it matters so much if the name is associated with a popular culture character as pop culture moves on and gets forgotten.

A friend got told she mustn't chose her sons name as it was a soap villans name. She said that her childs peers wont remember who that was, and she was right! Nobody associated it at all after a couple of years.

But the girl in DDs class is a distictly mythical name which has only ever been associated with sex and incest.

onlyruth Sun 20-Oct-19 14:18:04

It's the name of an actual (though biblical) prostitute. I've never heard it used anywhere but for her and in a song about a murder which the poor kid will have sung at her constantly.

I'm sure you'll work it out from that, but again, please don't put it in this thread and make it googlable.

pinkquartz Sun 20-Oct-19 14:21:36

It is ok to have a pet name for a grandchild.

I would try to talk to your DD and then when baby is here have a lovely short pet name.

fizzers Sun 20-Oct-19 14:24:41

Some years ago a family member named their daughter Isis, after the Egyptian goddess, a lovely unusual name, however, now she has to go by her second name because of the connotations associated with Isis

SueDonim Sun 20-Oct-19 14:25:36

I've guessed the name now - I won't say what I think it is! Does your daughter know the background to the name? If not, I think she needs to be told, so that she and her dh can make an 'informed choice' as to whether they still want to call their baby that.

It would be awful if your dd said in a year's time 'Why did no one tell us?'.

LondonGranny Sun 20-Oct-19 14:28:45

The only time you should say anything is if the parent hasn't realised the first name/surname combo eg Victoria Line, Annette Curtin, Ben Dover etc etc.
I think many people have negative connotations attached to a name (I was bullied at school by a Cassie) but those connotations are yours, not theirs.
btw, I know a delightful child with the same name I'd guessed before you gave huge clues. I associate it with a very sweet polite child of seven with huge brown eyes.

dizzyblonde Sun 20-Oct-19 14:29:51

I doubt that her contemporaries will remember the song by the time she’s at school and they certainly won’t have a clue about the biblical connotations.
I think it’s a rather nice name and I know several women called it who never seem to have had any problems.

TerriBull Sun 20-Oct-19 14:31:23

Think I've got it onlytruth, Tom Jones is a clue perhaps? Don't think it's too bad, I'm not sure her peer group or even their parents will make the dubious connection.

Could be worse they could have called her Gladys, or Ethel shock

Nevertheless, you have my sympathy.

BlueBelle Sun 20-Oct-19 14:42:32

I think I know the name too but is it that bad ?
Mary Magdalene was said to be a prostitute in the bible but there’s enough Mary’s around
I think you need to make sure they know where it derives from whether you say something or someone else does and if they are still happy with it that’s fine I doubt the child will get teased at school unless all the kids read the Old Testament

grannyactivist Sun 20-Oct-19 14:44:18

Ah - I know it now. There is a thread on the other place about the name with areal mix of love/hate responses. The vast majority of people will not have a clue about the biblical character and the TJ song is already more than 50 years old, so the chances of it still being around and regularly sung when your granddaughter is older are slim indeed.