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Grandparenting

Hating the inappropriate name

(174 Posts)
onlyruth Sun 20-Oct-19 13:48:43

Before I start, it's absolutely down to my daughter and son in law what they call their child. I'm very aware that there are whole areas of being a grandmother where I have to back off and not interfere. But I'm struggling with this more than is sensible and I need to get my head straight.

The name that they're planning on giving their daughter, due soon, I hate. And it's raised some eyebrows when my daughter's been asked by other family members, but again, people have tried to bite their tongue. I'm sorry that I'm not saying what it is, but I'm terrified that if my daughter googled it, that she'd find this post (so please don't speculate and type any guesses in your responses).
The connotations of the name (think stripper/prostitute) are such that I simply can't imagine using it to a tiny innocent baby. People's reaction has been to instantly ask what they'll call her for short - I imagine that like me, they're hoping they won't have to use the full name. But they don't have shortened version that they're considering.

Has anyone else felt this way? Do the connotations disappear once the baby 'becomes' their name? Has anyone actually been brave enough to say 'I think this is going to be a difficult name for your daughter to grow up with'? So far the connotations have been only lightly mentioned to them by another family member, and they've not seen a problem.

It doesn't help that some people, though privately thinking it's weird, have to their face said "oh what a lovely name!"
I suppose I want somebody brave (but not me) to be honest!

Anyway, do I try to bite the bullet and use the whole name, or shorten it myself into my pet name for her?

MawB Wed 23-Oct-19 23:41:46

My sister in law, the youngest of 4, rejoices in the initials E N D.
She was, too!

MawB Wed 23-Oct-19 23:44:10

The name I don't like being used is "Opal" opals are stones reputed to bring bad luck and it just seems inappropriate

Not in my case PernillaVanilla - Paw bought my engagement ring with 5 blue opals in it in 1968, we remained very happily married until his death in November 2017.

annsixty Thu 24-Oct-19 07:27:34

My GD had a child in her primary school whose name was Pagan.
I could never be able to bring myself to like that.
She will be in her 20's now, I wonder if she ever changed it.

annsixty Thu 24-Oct-19 07:32:28

That has got me thinking now ,my very good friend named her S Graham and he changed it by deed poll to Mark and an acquaintance whose name was Barbara changed hers, also by deed poll, as she thought it had connotations of Barbarian, she chose a name from the bible.

Sara65 Thu 24-Oct-19 07:36:04

I think we grow into our names, I can’t imagine my children or grandchildren behind called anything else.

Deedaa Sun 27-Oct-19 21:59:54

annsixty I think Pagan is a great name, it would have suited my DD very well. My grandsons all have pet names that have nothing to do with their real names. When my neighbour told me she was calling her baby Megan it took a great effort of will not to ask her why she was giving her a sheepdog's name!

GagaJo Sun 27-Oct-19 22:08:14

Hmmmm, MawB. I know a person by that name. Can't be many in that neck of the woods, surely?!

M0nica Mon 28-Oct-19 10:07:52

The name will soon get shortened to Delly/Dilly/Lila/Lily or something else similar.

cangran Mon 28-Oct-19 11:52:46

My great niece, now 23 and lovely, is called J (the only other one I've heard of is the title of a well-known Dolly Parton song).

JenniferEccles Mon 28-Oct-19 12:32:58

Parents really do need to give serious thought to what they name their children for a reason explained very clearly to me a while back, by a friend.

She is a primary school teacher, and before the start of the new school year in September, she and the other teachers go through the lists of the new entrants.

She admitted that, wrong though she knows it is, she, and the other teachers all have preconceptions of a child's ability and intelligence, depending on whether their names are, shall we say, associated with middle class or working class backgrounds.

I am really don't want to list any names on here, but as Chardonnay has already been mentioned - well that's the kind of thing.

Like I said, she fully accepts it's wrong to pre-judge, but experience has proved that little Chardonnay isn't going to do as well as, say, Amelia or Arabella.

She stressed that she wasn't saying she and her colleagues gave up on those children, just that they know what to expect from them (and the parents of course!)

Iam64 Mon 28-Oct-19 19:27:46

Jennifer Eccles - that staff room sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant place.
I don't deny that we all make judgements about appearance and names but most of us aren't quite so happy to be so judgemental.

Gonegirl Mon 28-Oct-19 19:31:07

I think JenniferEccles makes a good point there. Not only about staff rooms but in the wider world.

MawB Mon 28-Oct-19 19:52:46

Hmmmm, MawB. I know a person by that name. Can't be many in that neck of the woods, surely
What name was that?
My point was about opals, not names. !

petra Mon 28-Oct-19 19:59:16

cangran
You obviously don't listen to the Archers, then.

BlueBelle Mon 28-Oct-19 19:59:46

I hate that post jenniferecckes ’ and if it’s true those teachers shouldn’t be teaching ...Absolutely disgusting

MawB Mon 28-Oct-19 20:16:25

Lots of previously unpopular names among the yummy mummies of E17 (and elsewhere)
Stanley, Alfie, Archie, Iris, Ruby, Arno, Otto, Lily, Poppy and Daisy of course.
But these are also popular for dogs so when you hear “Archie, come here” you never know whether it is a Cavapoo or a Mountbatten-Windsor grin

M0nica Mon 28-Oct-19 20:20:34

Oh dear jennifereccles, in my DGD's school, one of the brightst girls in the class, already on the Gifted and Talented programme at 11 has just one of those names your daughter so misjudges

M0nica Mon 28-Oct-19 20:23:12

MawB I share your love of opals. Ntot my engagement ring, because I didn't discover their beauty until lately, but I currently have 4 opal rings of various qualities and value, All very different colours and I wear one or the other almost every day.

sharon103 Mon 28-Oct-19 20:40:42

Me too BlueBelle smile I wonder how many of us have been reading these posts with the 'chorus' going round in our heads.
I'm old enough to remember the Tom Jones song but never knew the biblical side of the name.
I don't know of any babies with the name but I think it's quite nice actually.
The old names have made a come back and I like them. My daughters friend has just had a baby and named her Peggy. I love the old names. I know an Ella, Ruby. We have a little Lily and Harry next door.
My dear mum detested her name, Gladys Hilda. lol. She was known as Mrs. H....... by most of her friends. I used to laugh and say she had a cruel mother. Her sisters had lovely names.
I'm sure when your little granddaughter gets older her name will get shortened by her friends as already mentioned. Alphabet letter 4, 5, 5.
You've got to be a trendy nanny.
We chose our children's names didn't we whether anyone else liked them or not. This little girls parents are entitled to their choice too.
Welcome to the world baby D. xxxx

Doodle Mon 28-Oct-19 20:42:27

My name is slightly unusual for my generation. In later years it became the female name in a couple of unflattering songs which people have sung to me when they find out what I’m called. So you can’t guarantee that your child’s name will always be connected with something good or nice. A posh friend who called her daughter Charlene was horrified when Neighbours introduced the slightly common Charlene character.
I would suggest though that the child has a second name that they could use if desired. Unfortunately, I didn’t. ?

BlueBelle Mon 28-Oct-19 20:47:15

A while back the awful judgemental woman called Katie Hopkins spewed out something about children’s names and how you knew which ones came from the council estate etc etc well one of the names she referred to was my very beautiful eldest granddaughter (not Chardonnay or Porche or any mentioned on here, I might add) who is now a teacher in top class primary school and has never been near a council estate, on the other hand my name is considered on the ok list and I grew up in a prefab on a council estate, ....funny old world

Sara65 Mon 28-Oct-19 20:51:02

However distasteful it seems, Jennifereccles has a point, we’ve all made similar judgements, sometimes proven wrong of course, but I think she’s right, it’s a really important decision.

BlueBelle Mon 28-Oct-19 21:02:37

You speak for yourself Sara I ve never judged a child by its name

Sara65 Mon 28-Oct-19 21:08:45

Then good for you Bluebelle, I’ve already said, first impressions can be wrong, but it’s sometimes hard not to have them.

geekesse Mon 28-Oct-19 23:19:24

My Mum in Law wasn’t at all keen on the (biblical) names We gave our first 4 kids. When I was expecting no 5, I told her it was going to be Hepzibah if a girl and Melchizadek if a boy. By the time he was born, almost anything was going to be better than those options, and his (then slightly unusual) biblical name therefore seemed perfectly acceptable to her.