Grandson (12) stealing something from my bag then lying about it

Still cook the steak, and say no more about the choc. As another poster said, in future give him the choice of when to eat his treat.

I would say nothing to his parents now, but if something happened again, I would.

BTW, I have never taken sweets or chocs when visiting GC’s, but have always seen them quite often when young. They are never offered sweets at our house either, as I don’t have any. This is partly due to both DS and DIL not encouraging it, unlike the other set of GP’s, but I never had sweets around with my own children.

Yes don’t tease it’s not a good habit, it’s a game that can encourage deceipt. Be straight. And I agree with most gransnetters; don’t tell parents; give the steak;stop the choc in bag game.
All children try some fibbing. Forgive and forget just let him know you are forgiving and forgetting!

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I think he’s a bit old for the ‘hide the chocolate’ game.

He knows you know, ok so it’s a bit devious, but I doubt he’ll do it again, and we are only talking a bar of chocolate, not a ten pound note.

Probably a good idea not to have sweet stuff as a special treat in the interests of teeth/health. But yes, I'd let it go and cook the steak. Even if he did eat it and lied then he'll know you know and it would be awful to go on punishing him.

I remember telling lies to my kids. Father Christmas, Easter Bunny, tooth fairy... remember.

This guy needs a shoulder about something else that’s going on for him. Does his school have a counsellor if he won’t share with you?

Oh leave it be and cook him his steak as normal
He’s way too old for a handbag game anyway
As a Judge Judy says how do you know if a teenager is lying ....when they open their mouths
I think everyone has given you good advice let it go and to be honest you didn’t see him do it and although you’re sure it was him there is just a small chance it wasnt him

Don’t encourage teens or any kids to rummage in your handbag though not a good idea

As a parent I would want to know, wouldn’t you?

How many of us haven't eaten a bar of chocolate or something else in secret when we were children.

I would forget the whole thing. He knows he's been found out, and probably feels a bit ashamed.

There's no need for any more discussion or consequences. Just continue loving him the same as you always have. He's probably a bit scared you might not like him any more. Forget the episode entirely.

dies his school have a counsellor

ohmother for goodness sake the kid at worst took a chocolate that was meant for him anyway, outside chance he’s telling the truth and didn’t take it
He hardly needs a school counsellor thats a massive over reaction

Thanks again to everyone who has thoughtfully replied to my posts...your comments and suggestions are very much appreciated and indeed have helped me to get things into perspective. I can see that I have unwittingly caused a problem with the 'have I /haven't I? chocolate game and shall stop that immediately. The bigger two are certainly old enough at 12 and 7 to know that there is chocolate in my bag for them, without the game.

I was very low key when I discovered that the one bar had vanished, and indeed did give him the opportunity to say, 'actually Grandma, I've had mine already' so I didnt barge in mob handed. He knows how disappointed I am about the lying and I hope that this will serve as a deterrent in the future.

Goes without saying, I love him to bits, along with my other 8 grandchildren and he and I have always been very close...as he gets older, he has so much to occupy him that our once sacrosanct times together have gone by the board, however this is the way of the world and as long as he is happy and healthy and safe, I am content. He knows without question that I am always here for him in person, by phone, on WhatApp...so I hope that he may open up to me when he has things on his mind, although that said he keeps everything very close to his chest, as does my DIL, so open conversations about anything, never mind anything tricky are quite a challenge. He has no work issues at school, quite the opposite, as he is very able in every area and this can bring it's own problems in terms of spite from other kids. Its blooming hard growing up, isn't it?

I'm off to buy steak and a huge head of brocolli (his favourite food...specially requested).

A million thanks to all you wonderful GNETters for you advice and support this morning xx

Now that he has been caught out he us unlikely to do it to you again. Rather than telling his stressed out parents, next time give him a slightly smaller chocolate treat. He will know why.

Just let it go and don’t tell his parents or he won’t trust you ever again. I’d give him his steak and chips too.
If you can try and find out what is troubling him if anything. Or is it just hormones? Keep him close gran ?

I think let it go this time, he will know he can trust you not to say anything to his parents and maybe one day confide in you and need your input.
I don't condone keeping things from parents but sometimes you need a watching brief.

There is often an extra burden on eldest DC. I am glad you are resolving this and cooking him his favourite meal.

My DC would not like me bringing sweets when I visit so I don't. Books every time!

Children need to realise stealing is a crime. Best thing to do is not take chocolate for a while. This should sink in with your GS as he'll realise it's his fault. If it happens again I'd tell the parents.

Crikey, mountains out of molehills I think!

He knew that you have treats in your bag, even asked you about it. OK, maybe he took one and then lied about it. He didn't want you to think badly of him. Please let it go! Don't tell his parents. He's only 12. There is also a very tiny chance that his sister actually DID take it!

My MIL used to tempt and tease the kids like that. Not nice, sorry.

does the school have a councillor
You obviously don't have a lot of dealings with 12 yr old children. Hilarious ?

I can just imagine that scenario at my grandsons school.
Councillor: ^ oh, hang on, I've just got to deal with the drug dealing in the school and at the school gates. The pondlife who pulled a knife on another boy so I'm afraid your problem with (maybe) stealing a bar of chocolate will have to wait^

Thinking about this again, your grandson could have though he wasn't exactly stealing. After all that chocolate bar was for him eventually.
When youngest daughter was about 6 she came home from school pushing a doll's pram. It had been outside someone's house. I tried to explain to her that the pram belonged to another little girl, so she couldn't have it and we took it back.
For her, that was the start of learning what stealing means - don't take what belongs to someone else. So as I said earlier Probably Grandson regarded the chocolate as his anyway. I wouldn't make a big deal out of it, just explain.

Is it worth all the hassle over a chocolate bar if it had been twenty pounds from your purse , then it would be a different matter . Don't let the other children miss out , hand them there chocolate when you get there . Then everybody gets there share . I would be inclined to let it slide this time but drop it in a conversation how you can't abide people with sticky fingers .

having said my piece, told him that we would not mention it again.

That's your answer, I'm afraid.

I’m totally with Bluebelle, a complete over reaction, please let it go.

If you give him something different for his meal or don’t let him have any chocolate because “he already had two” then you might as well just tell him to his face that you think he is a liar and you don’t believe him. Personally I think that would do him more harm than letting him have his steak and chocolate. Maybe he did do it but he now knows you are suspicious. Please let it be. The boy needs your love.

TwoAM is peak time for worrying about small problems, isn't it? Several have surfaced in new threads this morning.