Grandson (12) stealing something from my bag then lying about it

Best not to say anything. The parents are already alerted to the child's problem and are enough worried.

Maybe for your part you might be able to calm them a little. Is the child getting professional help from a child psychologist?
Telling lies is normal but not to his parents. Persistent stealing is not normal and could lead to worse stealing.

Give him his fav meal! Hide stuff he might steal. This boy has enough problems without his gran not being as kind as usual.

I think a lot of children are 'light fingered' at some point.

Impulse control, maybe?

The main thing is that he knows full well it's wrong and is suitably chastened.

If you have to Hide stuff he might steal. before a much loved child comes to stay, you have massive issues that need to be shared with the parents.

Grandparents are meant to work as a team with the parents. That doesn’t include not sharing important information to them. That’s lying by omission. Not much better than stealing a chocolate bar, really

Summerlove I agree "working as a team". As a team member the gran's forte could be trying to keep everyone calm .Like in so many situations, it just depends.

A relation of mine had a teen child with stealing problem which escalated and she got psychology service help.

Most children tell lies; some children steal; most are found out and the consequences determine whether they persist or not. You are right to be concerned.
Lying is not a developmental issue, it is a personal one, and this boy is already in trouble with his parents because of his behaviour and lies. You have trusted him and it seems as though he has abused your trust, and worse still, blamed someone else; there is just the remote possibility that it might have been his sister; the wrapper neatly placed in the bin is rather naive.
You questioned your grandson, he denied the theft and seemed indifferent to the implications, which is worrying. You promised to say no more, so you have to honour that, and also the special meal for tonight.
But in future I would say to the three children altogether that you can no longer allow them to go into your bag, as something went missing on your last visit. If you continue with the treats, and I don't see why you shouldn't, take them out on arrival and put them in a prominent place until such time as you decide they may eat them. Keep your bag in sight at all times. If your grandson repeats this behaviour, you must tell his parents; all the adults need to be on the same side, and protecting him, and them, won't solve his behaviour issues.
Whatever you do, don't ignore it; if he gets away with petty theft at home he will start at school; far more opportunity and far more serious consequences.

It's such a difficult situation isn't it. As you have allowed the children access to the choc in your bag in the past, it seems one of them just wasn't prepared to wait, whether GS or GD.

My Grandma used to bring us a comic and choc on a Saturday. We'd run downstairs as soon as she arrived, give her a kiss, and she gave them to us and we used to disappear to read/eat. She then had a relaxing chat - and fag! - with my Mum.

I haven't got grandchildren yet, but would like the same affectionate experience I had as a child.

As for the steak, that is a real treat, but quick to cook and not much washing up, he might be thinking of your legs!

Alexa,*As a team member the gran's forte could be trying to keep everyone calm*

I think you can keep everyone calm without lying by omission. It just seems to me that it will cause fractures down the line.

Yes, you could be right, Summerlove.

I'd not make light of a child's persistent stealing from parents or friends . It depends a lot on the situation. Is the kid hoarding stuff he steals? Is the child a slow learner? Did all this start following a traumatic experience?How long has it been going on?

for the family's peace of mind alone I think they need expert help from a psychologist.

Most kids pinch something at some point or another, I only recently found out about my eldest grandson, he admitted that he would happily help himself to three or four kit-kats at a time from my kitchen cupboard, deny it until I was unsure, then blame his poor little brother, who would then be asked and reply with 'I can't remember!' so he would always get the blame!
My Eldest grandson is the loveliest man you could hope to meet, walks me home, buys me flowers, and has worked solidly since 15, so not all kids that nab the odd chocolate bar turn into serial killers!
He is at one of those tricky ages, not old enough to be considered a 'proper teen' and not young enough to be considered a 'little boy' so its hard.
Be kind, forget abotu this time, and if you notice anything else, then take him to one side and have a word, but keep it breezy.
Give this lad lots of love, young lads always act like they don't need it, when they actually need it the most, espcially when the teen years are beginning, its blooming scary. xxx

Good post MaggieMay.
I was thinking something like that, after rereading the OP.
It sounds as if the boy has been getting the third degree at home and needs something softer from his Gran.
But also, ladies' handbags are sacrosanct!

Thing is, it's hard to know whether this is a passing, adolescent phase or the precursor to more serious behavior. When I was a girl, my brother lied to my parents and stole from me, a friend and some neighbors. He went on to have all sorts of issues which involved drug use, stealing from neighbors in our middle class neighborhood, jail time, and estrangement from my dad.

When my stepson was caught stealing some toys and then lying about it I was very scared that the same scenario was going to play out, but it turned out to be a one-off and he's just a wonderful, delightful man in his 40s now. All we can do is be firm, consistent, and yet loving in our responses and hope that all will work out.

For heavens sake, this is all getting out of hand. The boy is 12 and must find the handbag game embarrassing and all for a Twix ! It is done, been dealt with and to even think of carrying it over to the weekend is awful. Just move on hope it doesn’t happen again.

Just a final word from me, here, post weekend. My DGS had and very much enjoyed his steak and brocolli and true to my word, I have not mentioned the matter to him again. Nor, at this point, to his parents. We had a lovely normal time together over the weekend. Thanks to everyone here who has responded. And to the OP who suggested that by having chocolate in my bag and exchanging some lighthearted banter in respect of it, when the littlest one is within earshot,...that I am 'entrapping' my eldest grandson...all I can say is, we clearly live in very different worlds. Thanks again to all. I am grateful for your replies.

Good to hear you have done what feels right for you. I am sure your relationship with your grandson will benefit from your common sense. He is a lucky lad to have a gran like you.

Your grandson has learned a valuable lesson.
He has stolen a chocolate bar intended for a sibling, lied:
'I haven't had a Tw** bar for ages,' blamed his sister and ignored your expressed concern about stealing.
Result: he has a special meal cooked for him, has a lovely weekend, is protected from the wrath of his parents, and is not made to face up to what he has done.
By lying he gets away with theft.