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Good Morning Wednesday 13th May 2026
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Grandparenting
Grandson (12) stealing something from my bag then lying about it
(140 Posts)Oh dear. I'm in a mither, as to whether I should share this sorry tale with my DGS's parents (my son and DIL)
The three children all know that I often bring a little chocolate treat for them, in my holdall, when I visit. Sometimes, when they ask about it, I will say...'It's in my bag, you can get it'
Yesterday. the eldest, my 12 yr old DGS, asked whether I had brought anything in my bag and I teased him, saying 'well I might have done, we shall have to see, later'.
Later, when the younger children were in bed I went to my bag and pulled out a little choc bar, which I gave to DGS. He thanked me and said 'I haven't had a Tw** for ages'. I then went back to my bag to put the other two chocs in the fridge for the other two children. I turned my bag out and there was only one left in there.
Knowing that my DGS has been lying to his parents a lot and that they are struggling with his pre teen behaviour, something made me check in the waste bin. Sure enough, there was the wrapper.
I went and sat with my DGS and said that there was a choc missing...wondered who might have had it, whereupon he srenuously denied having eaten it and suggested that it may have been his younger sister.
In the interests of fairness, I went upstaits and asked his sister who said no - she's 7 and an open book ...I know if she isn't telling the truth. I absolutely believe that she didn't do it.
So back down I went and had a rather one sided conversation with my DGS, about how telling lies can lead to people not being believed when they are in fact telling the truth over a matter. He had little to say, other that 'it wasn't me, I didn't eat it', a couple of times. I've known and loved him since he was born and when he tells lies he has a facial 'expression' and mannerisms which give him away. I was at pains to stress that trust is hard won and easily lost and having said my piece, told him that we would not mention it again.
My dilemma is this...do I tell his mum and dad...they are stressed out already with his attitude and general behaviours. Should I add this to their worries in the name of solidarity in the face of unacceptable behaviour, or should I keep it to myself and simply not bring chocolate to their home, for a while, to reinforce my disapproval?
I am not surprised that he is telling lies as I know that many kids at this point in their development, do so. I am sad that he would lie to my face, as we have always been very close and I hadn't expected it from him.
He is staying with me on Saturday and has asked (prior to 'Chocolategate') for steak and chips for his supper. Do you think that I should put the steak on hold for another occasion and cook him something less 'special' for his supper (we're not talking bread and water here, just an ordinary everyday meal, btw!)
I just don't know what to do for the best as regards telling my DS and DIL and whether to reinforce my own disappointment by not cooking him his favourite meal, at my house, on this occasion.
All and any thoughts gratefully received.
Watch your meds, jewelry, watches, change bucket and cash. He isn't finished.
Don't tell on him. Just protect your belongings. Get a safe to put things in when he is at your house.
Old post, child is now 17 at least.
Oh my goodness - what an interregation about a bar of chocolate. Why didn’t you give it to him when he asked?
Just let it go!
I would not make a big thing of it, but I would talk to him privately and tell him that you have noticed, and that you are disappointed, and ask him not to do it again. I'd tell him too that I won't tell the parents, that it is between me and him.
But honestly, I think it was wrong to tease like this, My MIL used to do that, constantly tease and test our children and I thought it was very wrong.
You've spoken to him reasonably, which is all you can do for now without escalating it by bringing in his parents. I think you have to change your game - no teasing temptation, and if you really must take chocolate, buy a locking bag and keep in it anything you don't want anyone to touch (that includes money, phone and anything else a child might be tempted to snaffle). When you give him the steak & chips, keep the mood light and don't try to associate it in his mind with chocolategate. 12 is quite old enough to know right from wrong but don't set up any temptation again - keep the treats locked away until you're ready to give them out, and then give it to all of them at one time. If he does it a second time, I think you'll have to involve his parents - they will want to know.
OLD POST from 2019 - 6 years ago!
Hopefully GS has learned the error of his ways and is now an upstanding member of the community.
The alternative is not a happy circumstance to contemplate .
Claremont
I would not make a big thing of it, but I would talk to him privately and tell him that you have noticed, and that you are disappointed, and ask him not to do it again. I'd tell him too that I won't tell the parents, that it is between me and him.
But honestly, I think it was wrong to tease like this, My MIL used to do that, constantly tease and test our children and I thought it was very wrong.
Talk to him? What after 6 years 🤦🏼♀️
NonGrannyMoll
You've spoken to him reasonably, which is all you can do for now without escalating it by bringing in his parents. I think you have to change your game - no teasing temptation, and if you really must take chocolate, buy a locking bag and keep in it anything you don't want anyone to touch (that includes money, phone and anything else a child might be tempted to snaffle). When you give him the steak & chips, keep the mood light and don't try to associate it in his mind with chocolategate. 12 is quite old enough to know right from wrong but don't set up any temptation again - keep the treats locked away until you're ready to give them out, and then give it to all of them at one time. If he does it a second time, I think you'll have to involve his parents - they will want to know.
I think it’s a bit late for a talking to after 6 years
@ Petra - my point exactly!
Good grief is this still going he’s probably married by now
🤣🤣🤣
Why has this old thread been resurrected?
Even the post resurrecting the thread was in May of last year , perhaps some people don’t see the date beside the posters name?
I tried…
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