5 YEAR OLD THREAD, been resurrected by Girlsgram
I have suggested she starts a new thread.
Gransnet forums
Grandparenting
Grandson (12) stealing something from my bag then lying about it
(140 Posts)Oh dear. I'm in a mither, as to whether I should share this sorry tale with my DGS's parents (my son and DIL)
The three children all know that I often bring a little chocolate treat for them, in my holdall, when I visit. Sometimes, when they ask about it, I will say...'It's in my bag, you can get it'
Yesterday. the eldest, my 12 yr old DGS, asked whether I had brought anything in my bag and I teased him, saying 'well I might have done, we shall have to see, later'.
Later, when the younger children were in bed I went to my bag and pulled out a little choc bar, which I gave to DGS. He thanked me and said 'I haven't had a Tw** for ages'. I then went back to my bag to put the other two chocs in the fridge for the other two children. I turned my bag out and there was only one left in there.
Knowing that my DGS has been lying to his parents a lot and that they are struggling with his pre teen behaviour, something made me check in the waste bin. Sure enough, there was the wrapper.
I went and sat with my DGS and said that there was a choc missing...wondered who might have had it, whereupon he srenuously denied having eaten it and suggested that it may have been his younger sister.
In the interests of fairness, I went upstaits and asked his sister who said no - she's 7 and an open book ...I know if she isn't telling the truth. I absolutely believe that she didn't do it.
So back down I went and had a rather one sided conversation with my DGS, about how telling lies can lead to people not being believed when they are in fact telling the truth over a matter. He had little to say, other that 'it wasn't me, I didn't eat it', a couple of times. I've known and loved him since he was born and when he tells lies he has a facial 'expression' and mannerisms which give him away. I was at pains to stress that trust is hard won and easily lost and having said my piece, told him that we would not mention it again.
My dilemma is this...do I tell his mum and dad...they are stressed out already with his attitude and general behaviours. Should I add this to their worries in the name of solidarity in the face of unacceptable behaviour, or should I keep it to myself and simply not bring chocolate to their home, for a while, to reinforce my disapproval?
I am not surprised that he is telling lies as I know that many kids at this point in their development, do so. I am sad that he would lie to my face, as we have always been very close and I hadn't expected it from him.
He is staying with me on Saturday and has asked (prior to 'Chocolategate') for steak and chips for his supper. Do you think that I should put the steak on hold for another occasion and cook him something less 'special' for his supper (we're not talking bread and water here, just an ordinary everyday meal, btw!)
I just don't know what to do for the best as regards telling my DS and DIL and whether to reinforce my own disappointment by not cooking him his favourite meal, at my house, on this occasion.
All and any thoughts gratefully received.
Why do people trawl for these old threads? 🙄
Just as well he ate the Tw*x bar otherwise it would have gone mouldy or be a melted gooey mess by now.
I wouldn’t withhold a chocolate bar if they are allowed to have it. How would not giving him steak help matters? . Let it go. It might not have been him,
He'll be grown up and left school by now!
Did he turn into an arch criminal?
Did you cook him his favourite food?
I dislike using food as a treat or a bribe. My own DM did it with my DC and I hated it. It undermined my parenting and gave them the wrong idea about sweets.
She was also likely to criticise the DC.
Leave the parents to it is my advice.
Move on and don't go telling tales to the parents. You've dealt with it. He knows that you know but is not likely to admit it.
Cook him his steak and next time don't tease them about little bits of chocolate.
Even though he's nearly 17 I bet he still likes steak.
Callistemon 😅🤣
WASTING OUR TIME GSM and Bluebelle pointing out the age of the thread, etc.
EVEN CAPITALS DONT HELP!
Oopsminty
I'd let it go. You are probably right that he ate it but I think it's best left well alone.
Stop the handbag game. Give them the chocolate when you arrive or hang on to your bag.
And cook the steak
Exactly this
OMG!!!
Good grief Georgesgran it’s unbelievable isn’t it here goes
THE THREAD IS 5 YEARS OLD THE CHILD IS GROWN AND PROBABLY FLOWN
I want to know if he became a bank robber.
Oopsminty
I'd let it go. You are probably right that he ate it but I think it's best left well alone.
Stop the handbag game. Give them the chocolate when you arrive or hang on to your bag.
And cook the steak
Superb advice.
Even if it’s a very old thread, we all have to deal with similar things I bet from time to time.
flappergirl
I want to know if he became a bank robber.
😂
A successful one I hope in that case.
But have you read the thread Oreo?
Someone posted a new query (unrelated) on the old thread today and resurrected it - but all the new replies pertain to the original post!
The way I look at it if you let it go and say nothing you are saying it’s ok to steal it doesn’t matter if it’s a bar or chocolate or a £50 note stealing is stealing and so he’s going to think it’s fine to help himself to whatever is in your bag because you won’t say anything about it. I definitely wouldn’t treat bad behaviour and if he asks why I would say to him I don’t believe ppl that lie should be treated. As they say lead by example
Nannashirlz
The way I look at it if you let it go and say nothing you are saying it’s ok to steal it doesn’t matter if it’s a bar or chocolate or a £50 note stealing is stealing and so he’s going to think it’s fine to help himself to whatever is in your bag because you won’t say anything about it. I definitely wouldn’t treat bad behaviour and if he asks why I would say to him I don’t believe ppl that lie should be treated. As they say lead by example
I didn’t look at the date he’s probably in prison now lol
Did girlsgram start another thread?
I would advise her never to leave things lying around, just incase someone is tempted to steal.
My nephew went through a kleptomaniac stage as a young teen.
When he came to stay we had to lock our valuables in the boot of the car for the duration.
He is grown up and out of it now, thankfully.
trisher
Can I just comment that actually I remember about 11 or 12 taking coppers from my mum's purse and sneaking biscuits from the tin (they were about the only sweet thing around). I stopped when I felt happier. It was a time when I had just changed schools and was feeling a bit lost. All children do things like this most of them don't carry on or escalate things.
Snap trsher; when we were 11 ish my friend and I decided we couldn't be true friends until we had done something wrong together! We decided to steal a very cheap pen each from Woolworths! Afterwards we were both shaking with fear convinced we would be caught.We "got away" with it and neither of us has turned to a life of crime!! I have NEVER stolen ANYTHING since either!😂
What I’d like to ask is how do people access these years old threads?
Ok most of the time it’s spam posts but it appears that this time it’s a genuine question.
Please put us out of our 'misery.' Did you cook him his steak meal?
Yes, I do know it's an old post. I'm just trying to lighten things. Please don't shout at me. It's my birthday.
What stops young people stealing is the fear of being caught, not of doing something wrong; if they are caught and not made to feel ashamed, they generally try it again.
I KNOW it is an old thread and I doubt the poster reads the threads, but I WOULD like to know what happened.
Unlikely.
Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.
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