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Darling GS

(57 Posts)
GagaJo Tue 19-Nov-19 22:02:31

My daughter and grandson live with me, by force of circumstances. The benefit of this, for me, is that I get to see my GS everyday. The downside of it is that my daughter and I don't get on

There was a BIG argument between she and I at the weekend and she tried to leave (no where to go though). I am pretty sure that at the first opportunity, she will be off and will deny me access to my GS.

I adore the boy and I've been his other parent (she's a single mum). I'm sensible enough to know that if she does that I'll have no rights at all and may well not see him again.

After the argument, I apologised although I wasn't the only one to blame. Gransnet has shown me that it isn't worth insisting on being right. Having access to my GS is far more valuable.

I can't help worrying though. It's exactly the sort of thing she'd do and I dread it.

GagaJo Wed 20-Nov-19 21:13:55

We both only tolerate living together because of the situation. We'd both rather live apart. Not distant necessarily, but not in the same house.

Purplepoppies Thu 21-Nov-19 07:06:00

Sorry if I've missed this, but how old is your grandson?
Arguing infront of children can be really damaging. I understand that the odd disagreement can occur but full blown blow ups are destructive. I say this as a mum who struggles with her adult dd behaviour at times and I have to bite my tongue. They don't live with me (I really couldn't) but I'm heavily involved with the family dynamics.
I'm really surprised that your dd couldn't manage financially in a flat you purchased for them. She must be feeling pretty desperate and maybe like a crap parent if shes unable to support her son alone. I can't imagine how that feels.
You have been very generous, opening your home to them and with your money. I wonder if now you can be generous with your heart? Rather than worry that your daughter will stop access to your grandson I'd be concerned whether she really needs you and is afraid to ask to for help? Emotional support I mean, not financially. Its easy when two personalities are similar to clash heads and not really hear each other. Ultimately you both want the best for your gs, right? That means the two adults in his world being calm around him and listening to each other. You don't have to agree even!!
I hope you have a peaceful time before you travel and come back with a fresh perspective on your relationship. Not a plan to 'get access ' to your gs.....

cassandra264 Thu 21-Nov-19 09:56:11

Picking up on the points made by Purplepoppies - which make a lot of sense to me - I would like to recommend a book I took out of the library recently to help me with my own family matters.
It is called 'How To Have Meaningful Conversations - 7 strategies for talking about what really matters'. Author is Sarah Rozenthuler ( ).
Good luck!

Hetty58 Thu 21-Nov-19 10:05:50

At one time I had the greatest trouble communicating with my eldest son (although he lived here). He'd just get very angry and storm off if I tried to discuss his contributing to the bills. (He believed that he shouldn't have to.) In the end I wrote detailed letters to him and posted them under his bedroom door!

dazz Mon 30-Dec-19 10:22:59

I think Bluebells comment was overly liberal. when dos an adult child actually start acting like one. respecting another's home should be a given ! Sounds like Grandma has to be the breadwinner and the more she gives out to the daughter, the more ungrateful she becomes. not great having to live with our parents but the daughter is younger and fitter. perhaps she could go out and earn the living and let grandma stay home with the GS. if you actually have to earn your money you take more care of the things you buy !!

Sandmb Sun 15-Mar-20 11:45:33

My grandchildren lived with me and then one day tge parents got up and left taking the children with them and then won’t let me see them. I took them to court as I tried everything I could to rectify the situation and see my grandchildren and after permission was granted I was given access and to go to mediation which I wanted anyway. It was hard but in the end I was a big part of the children’s lives and them in mine. You don’t need a solicitor either you can do it yourself or with tge aid of McKenzie friend., which is what I did and as I was so impressed I trained to be one so if you need any help with forms attending court with you I’m here if I can help or just talk