My grandchild will be 2 weeks old before I see her

A friend of mine was in a similar position. Her daughter's in-laws live nearby but she lives 200 miles away. The in-laws saw baby first but my friend waited four weeks to see new baby. She had a lovely time. Keep good relationships with son and daughter-in-law and support all their decisions. Be the best mother/mother-in-law and never interfere or challenge their decisions.
I have found this way works. I have four grandchildren and good relationships with my daughters and son-in-laws, but we don't live in each other's pockets.

It was different back then even when i had mine, (eldest in 1980) but i still had to stay in hospital about 7- 10 days (but i signed myself out after about 5 i think) so everyone got chance to come visit then while you were still in, by time you went home they'd all seen baby!By time i had nxt 4 years on theyd changed ideas and realised mums didnt need to lie in bed as long.so then you went home earlier but then got visitors coming at home to see baby from then on.we were happy& proud to show our baby off.(i was glad it was only family) but still, we didnt just want to keep our child to ourselves.But with this covid19 situation i can completely understand why. the new parents nowadays must be terrified for thier babies, especially after the 13day old baby who got it& died.Those poor parents! It must have petrified those who have given birth since.

My first child was born am on Xmas Day. It hadn't been an easy birth to say the least! That afternoon at visiting time there were about 8 visitors around my bed. I felt so exhausted and drained. You must take the mother into account here. Give her time to adjust and she will let you know when she is ready.

How quickly we forget small mercies if this had happened during lock down it would have been 12 weeks. Be grateful its only 2 weeks.

The maternal GP's dont always get things first, my DinL didnt get on with her own mum well, and has since last year fallen out with her completely, and as she& i have always got along, she calls me mum. Her own parents haven't even been told about the new baby as far as I'm aware (unless her own sister's told them) so you see, its not always the way

I've never understood this business of not wanting family or
friend visitors when you have a baby. Of course, everyone likes to see a newborn. However, I never made any effort to 'entertain' them. I expected them to make the cups of tea, if just visiting, and if it was family staying for a week or so, again, I expected them to do the shopping and cook the meals and tidy up while I just held my baby and breastfed, constantly it seemed! It worked well and I was sad when they left as both sets of parents lived about 150 miles away,

Please, try to look at this from the common sense point of view and get over your hurt feelings.

If we had dared, most of us would have loved to say the same to our mothers when we had children!

The risk of passing on Covid 19 to the new parents ought to make you very thankful that your daughter and son-in-law are being so sensible.

I hope he will have the guts to turn his parents away if they do turn up, or get the ward sister to do so.

Please, don't let this cast a shadow on what should be a happy occasion: the birth of a grandchild.

I posted my viewpoint earlier which was much the same as others on here but it disappeared . I really don't think you have much support on this . Everything else has been said so no point in my repeating it . It is not . competition between you nd the other grandparents. Just cape it graciously nd keep your counsel. cc

Don't push or you'll be pushed far out and away from them. Accept this is the way it is as you and all other family members are supportive roles. The parents dictate. They've established this as a boundary, so stick to their rules. If they change their minds, THEY will call you.

My DIL has been the same regarding social distancing.We live at about 10 mins drive away as do her parents.It has been like this since GD was born.They were first visitors to hospital we were asked to wait. They were all over the christening so much so I felt totally pushed out especially when all the pews were filled by DIL family and our relatives were not invited.During lock down during recent good weather we have had visits socially distancing in the garden. No touching! but still lovely to see GD crawling and playing.DIL has just recently gone back to work.I wasn't asked to help out and knowing her mum is doing the childcare 4 days a week stings but I'm doing my best to suck it up! It's hard and being resentful isn't easy to squash but it is what it is. I'm sure that your family are just being over zealous as many new parents can be and I'm sure that you will find it eases soon.Social media is great too for updates and videos and I'm sure you will be soon inundated with pictures!

they need time to get into routine .2 weeks not long to wait ... its their family .dont start this baby's new life with resentment ..your time will come .they need 2 weeks to get into routine and some rest...

Oh, and I can tell you that MIL lives around the corner and cannot even deal with seeing baby every other day. She pressured us and guilt tripped us to the point that we had low contact for 2 weeks. Now the in-laws are on board as they understand boundaries. They strained the relationship with too many "not taking nos for an answer". Don't be a clingy mother-in-law and you will get plenty of access on the parents' terms.

I think this is very common too, just go with the flow, don’t enter into any thoughts of which grandparents might see the baby first ..in the end it doesn’t matter.. can’t help thinking that your family will feel it’s the cheery, go with the flow grandparent who makes no demands that are very easy to be with and they will appreciate this. In the meantime keeps smiling no matter what , even if you are feeling different , ( you are not alone, the trick is to smile and say’ yes of course, that sounds like a great idea!!’ Whilst not offering an opinion unless asked??

I had my first when I was 34 and in a high powered job. I worked until the day she was born. After the birth I needed time to adjust and to accept that I had a whole new situation to deal with none of which was familiar to me! I got out of hospital after 2 nights and my Mother in Law arrived, unannounced and uninvited the next day saying she would stay as long as I needed her. It ruined our relationship then and forever after. I know you wouldn't interfere but she did and made the bonding process really hard for me. She refused to let my friend, who had a toddler in the house. Took the baby out for walks without asking etc. We ended up having an almighty row and she left full of righteous indignation. We never healed that rift. When I had my third she arrived the next day, with my sister in law, again uninvited, and for the only time in my life I had a full blown migraine. My poor husband felt caught in the middle and it didn't help his relationship with her. Now one of my daughters lives across the road from her -in-laws and I have accepted that they see more of the granddaughter than I do. However it doesn't stop the granddaughter asking for me and loving me.

The trouble is we are in and out of the hospital these days moms get very little help and support with breastfeeding and getting it established. Mom's get home and generally, visitors don't pop round. They want a cuppa, a cuddle, a meal etc, on no sleep as the wards in the hospital are loud. In reality, mom and baby should be focused on feeding and sleeping to grow and recover. Most of your generation had a week - five days in the hospital with strict visiting hours to do this. Breastfeeding and PND. rates in the UK are abysmal. Though improving now people are having a two-week rest at home.
Two weeks is still newborn, is still perfect and will be nice and plump rested from a good diet of breast milk. Rates improve greatly with support and alone time with the baby who's not exhausted by being passed around or confused about what they need to do to feed. Breastfeeding is a two way street by mom and baby together. They need skin to skin time without the fear grandad or uncle nay pop in while they are half naked and feeding.
Sorry, I did the same this time and it's been much easier. Born April his experience had been limited to dad, sisters and I.

I understand.. add this little twist.. I’m jealous of my ex husband’s wife( who has no children of her own ), spending time with my baby granddaughter.. she’s 3 months old now and none of us have gotten to spend hardly any time with her because of the virus, but it drives me crazy, when i do know that they are up visiting and that person is with my GD.
They are on vacation with them this week. They go with me the end of July. I’m not sure how I learn to handle it but I know I need to.

Totally agree with their request. It's hard enough being new parents and trying to get into a routine, without all and sundry offering a variety of conflicting advice. They know you are on the end of a phone if they need you.

My daughter was exhausted by lovely, well meaning visiting during the first two weeks of her first baby’s life. As others have commented that time can be important for parents to establish feeding, rest up if at all possible, and enjoy their child together as a couple. After her second child my daughter established very clear boundaries and took control over visiting- she says it really helped her not to feel on show. As for jealousy, as a mil myself I do understand your feelings- but this is your adult child’s child so always try to go with the flow and show support by other ways, if wanted. Be respectful to your son and daughter in law’s feelings, two weeks is nothing, and even then be aware not to trample over their wishes. That said, enjoy all the happy times coming.

The general consensus on advice here has been consistent. Not sure if OP is still checking this thread, but if so I’d like to ask how often she saw her son/DIL prior to having the baby?
I found with my children that a source of conflict with DH’s family was mismatched expectations around the level of involvement they would have in our life post children. Prior to having our DD/DS we could literally go from one years end to the next without actually seeing them and would have the occasional phone call. This was our normal routine for years. My FOO saw us regularly and we spoke almost daily.
My surprise was that because I had produced a child I was suddenly expected to incorporate my IL’s into my life and accommodate them regularly.
I honestly cannot understand why these people thought they had a right to my time when previously we had seen them maybe once a year and exchanged cards/calls for birthdays. But babies seem to bring out a whole load of expectation in people.
Anyway, back to my point - the level of contact pre-baby should probably be the expectation post baby. Mismatched expectations can cause massive conflict.

We were in a similar situation 2 years ago with our son and his partner. It was our first grandchild and as they were both 40yrs old we had given up Hope! We had to wait to be invited , then we were ridiculed for my hubby and I taking turns holding him. Our time limit was 1 hour. I know full well that her mother and father visited when they liked which annoyed us but we accepted it. Speaking with other friends who's sons that have become dad's , this seems a normal thing. Yet, when they need a break, who do They ask? Us! We are delighted to have him though. Have n't seen him other than video chats since lockdown. We just have to keep our mouths shut until they need Us! Good luck.

I can understand why they want to do this. You dil will want to show her best side,and the first couple of weeks,let’s be honest,you are not at your best. You might not mind that but she well might.
I can understand how you feel but two weeks isn’t the end of the world.

I understand you must feel a bit upset but I would feel exactly the same if I had just had a new baby. I am sure it won't be too long before you see them. You can see them on what's app Skype or zoom.

Feeling jealous is not healthy for you.
Don't have any expectations
When they are ready they may well invite you over.
If they don't, well that is their choice.
Change your demand to a a preference.
I would prefer that we get to see the baby, and if we don't I will be disappointed & sad but I can accept that.

30 odd years ago my daughter gave birth to first GS I was in work the MIL did not work and saw him first . I was gutted . but no matter who see first the GC will love both GP the same . just wait till they ready and just go with the flow. I was a very selfish mum just wanted to keep my kids to myself learn to enjoy when ever you see your GC .

Janet43 is spot on. Let your son and dil set the pace and I am sure all will turn out well. Remember the old adage: a son is a son till he take's a wife, but a daughter a daughter the whole of her life.