My grandchild will be 2 weeks old before I see her

Naturally you are excited about this future Grandchild and are hurt to be “excluded” from the start. But ultimately EVERYTHING will be on their terms. Get used to it or you will make it worse. Furthermore, don’t make assumptions about the other grandparents. A 45 minute drive is not around the corner. And anyway, it not about proximity but your relationship with your daughter in law that will prove to determine how close you get to be. Don’t blow it.

Jealousy is such a hard emotion to keep under control.
But this comes from someone who knows.
Keep it to yourself, no matter how much it hurst.
I didn’t and lost my son.

Before you know it you will be a part of your grandchild’s life. Try and look forward to that time.

Agree wholeheartedly with Bibbity - You are selfish to even think of putting a new born at risk.
Use Messenger or What's App and have a video visit(s) until things are safer and the Parents give you the OK. It seems unlikely that they will sensibly allow anyone to visit for a while - so do something to prepare for an eventual visit or get your mind occupied with something else. At 74 I still work full time from home and my 2 grandchildren (nearly 5 and 18 months) live in Tokyo - I haven't seen either for over a year in person, but we Face Time quite regularly. Think of THEM and the risk you would bring with you travelling. NOT on even if given the go ahead in my opinion.

Another way to look at this is that you are placed on the same footing as the other grandparents. Maybe it is why they thought to do it (apart from nice bonding time with baby) so that you would NOT feel left out. I would be tempted to ask if that really applies to everyone. Then you can say that's fair and you appreciate it.

I think we have to realise, and it’s a very hard thing to do, that our position in the family line, so to speak, drops down a step throughout our children’s lives.

From once being everything to them, they then kind of replace our priority in their lives with their peers. Yes, we are still very, very important, but their friendships take priority unless something awful happens in the family dynamic or their friendship then we will be No 1 again for a short while.

Next, when they fall in love with ‘the one’, we slip a bit further away in priority, but hopefully, they will still love us to bits.

When the babies start arriving, yes, they might want us there to advise, comfort, empathise ect with them. But ultimately baby comes first with partner a close second and so on.

They still love us and want us in their lives, but it’s now very much on their terms and how well you do/don’t get on. And it’s all happening on a subconscious level, so they probably don’t even realise that they have caused you any hurt.

I have two grownup daughters and six beautiful grandchildren and the level of closeness to both daughters and grandchildren have varied over the years as to what is happening in their lives. When they are happy in their relationships I tend not to see/hear from them so much. If they are unhappy in their relationships, they tend to want their mum more. When the grandchildren were young I saw lots of them, now they are growing up, their peers/personal relationships are taking priority. And if things go wrong they obviously turn to their own mum first.

Being a parent I have found can be like being on a rollercoaster emotionally and being a grandparent is the same. We have to learn to bite our lips, only give advice when it’s asked for, remember our grandchildren are not OUR babies and keep on smiling. Am sure the ‘other’ side of grandparents will be having the same worries.

But ultimately, being a grandparent is so rewarding as you don’t have quite so much of the stress of bringing them up, but plenty of fun times. My eldest grand daughter has just recently asked if she can come and stay with us in Spain with her partner as they want to move here but need a base plus help and advice on how things work here. Never in a million years was I expecting a request like that. But it has put a great big smile on my face for now!

Take care, relax and just enjoy the good times you will have and try not to think of how much time the other granny will get. It’s quality over quantity that counts in these instances.

As a Dad and having seen the constant flow of visitors with our first and how exhausted my wife became, I suggested a 2 week moratorium on visits for the first 2 weeks and she agreed. Neither set of grandparents was given priority and it gave us time to bond and get into a routine.
At the time there was no internet so zoom calls etc. were out, we just kept in touch by phone. It worked well, no-one was upset and they got to meet a contented baby and relaxed mum.

When my Grandmother had 8 plus 6 step children, I don’t supposed she cared much who saw the baby, or took it away for that matter. My Mother who was her eldest child told me she only took the baby to her Mother for feeding,
Now we have one or two children they are treated as something precious and a belonging.
My DILs are very generous with their children and we are invited often, but their Mothers and Fathers are first in line. I don’t mind as I have daughters and they want their Mum, me. Yea.

It's a very difficult time for everyone. What about a distraction? Could you perhaps set up a new business. This would make the whole family proud and then eventually you could transfer ownership to the new grandchild. I am thinking outside the box as always.
Hope you get to see the baby as soon as is safe.

I perfectly understand your eagerness to see the baby but the parents are entitled to do things their way. As hard as it may be how you handle this situation could set a precedence for the future. Respect their decision but let them know that you are keen to visit ASAP.

"Could you perhaps set up a new business. This would make the whole family proud and then eventually you could transfer ownership to the new grandchild."

I sincerely don't find the logic to this suggestion.
Weirdest idea ever to have value as a person and force a bond with a person.

Catterygirl

It's a very difficult time for everyone. What about a distraction? Could you perhaps set up a new business. This would make the whole family proud and then eventually you could transfer ownership to the new grandchild. I am thinking outside the box as always.
Hope you get to see the baby as soon as is safe.

Set up a new business - what?

Heaven knows businesses, small and large are in enough trouble as is these these days. What makes you think OP has either the inclination, acumen or financial backing to do this?
With all due respect, this is not “outside the box” but beyond the pale, over the horizon and IMO bonkers.

Firstly - Congratulations grandma to be! A different perspective - when DD had our first grandchild, she had a rough time with the birth, yes she wanted her husband but she also wanted her me for hugs, reassurance and had confidence in my shopping (I’m talking incontinence pads, knickers all the in fluffy stuff) and cooking her favourite foods. My absolute focus was on her wellbeing. Our DIL is due to have her first baby soon and I gave no doubt that she will want her mum in those first few messy weeks, I am prepared to stand back confident in the knowledge that in years to come we will have lots of fun times without having to mend any bridges because i pushed to visit too soon. My advice is to be patient and enjoy all those fabulous baby photos when they arrive.

I think some new parents buy an appointment book on the way home from hospital ...

C-19 obviously puts a slant on things ‘in these unprecedented times’.

But it’s becoming a trend - new mummy divas. Precious behaviour at best, controlling at worst.

When our first grandson was born we stepped back as my son in law’s father was terminally ill and we felt he should be the first GP to hold the baby. When our second grandson arrived my daughter said it should be our turn. However this didn’t work out as friends called to see us with a present, we were a little delayed and sil’s Mum has stepped in again. Hey ho they’re 10 & 8 now and we love them to bits!

In the long run, it won't matter.

Try to rise above such feelings. If you turn things into a competition, you will be the loser in the end. All you will do is make yourself unhappy.

I would just be happy to be a grandparent!!!

2 weeks is nothing, and it will soon pass. Have patience.

My first great grandson was born 6 weeks ago. We live within 3 miles of my grandson and his family. My daughter has had some little contact with the baby. I would of course love to see the baby but these are exceptional times. The new parents went through such a worrying time around the birth and to be honest I am just thankful that they are all well and have come through unscathed. I get pictures and videos and I am grateful for that. I would not endanger that new family for the world and I will wait patiently till it is safe beyond doubt to see the wee one and his proud parents.

Dont take it personally. They need time to get to know their baby. Two weeks will soon pass.

I could not wait to show people my babies, and this 'Our little family' not seeing anyone after the birth makes me cringe, however that is my point of view and I appreciate people are different.
Enjoy it when you do see your Grandchild and go with what the prospective parents want to do as it is not worth getting upset about. I am sure you will see alot of your Grandchild if you do not make things difficult.

But it’s becoming a trend - new mummy divas. Precious behaviour at best, controlling at worst

Yes. The woman who has just grown and pushed out a human risking her life sometimes being left with PTSD and other life long complications does get to dictate bloody everything.
And if someone can’t respect that they don’t deserve to be around her or her child.

It's progress, not a trend. Positive progress in the benefit of mum and child

Urmstongran

I think some new parents buy an appointment book on the way home from hospital ...

C-19 obviously puts a slant on things ‘in these unprecedented times’.

But it’s becoming a trend - new mummy divas. Precious behaviour at best, controlling at worst.

Judgmental or what !!
You could equally say “new granny divas”

Catterygirl

It's a very difficult time for everyone. What about a distraction? Could you perhaps set up a new business. This would make the whole family proud and then eventually you could transfer ownership to the new grandchild. I am thinking outside the box as always.
Hope you get to see the baby as soon as is safe.

Outside the box ? I don’t think the box ever existed.
Spectacularly irrelevant

Whatever the reason for their decision about 2 weeks, then you must respect this - but most importantly with a good grace, and with no thought of jealousy of the other set of grandparents.

If I was about to give birth in the chaos of this virus pandemic, I think I would not want anyone near the child at all - so I think you should count yourself lucky. The instinct to protect a new baby is, as I am sure you remember, atavistic and fierce. I feel very sorry for anyone giving birth in the midst of this sorry situation.

Back them up; agree with them. Commend them for their wisdom and responsibility. You will, I promise you, reap the rewards from taking that approach. And think about them, their feelings and the health of the baby, and put your own feelings aside.