Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

My best advice (sorry if this is repeated as not read replies) get out of the house with him. My daughter is now nearly 3 and definitely benefits from being outdoors. I bought a year pass for a farm park and we go there at least once a week. She covers twice as much ground as me when we walk around I can sometimes sit while she plays at the soft play/park area within the farm park. If he’s really boisterous then obviously keep an eye on him around other kids but the farm parks I’ve been to have lots of open ground to run. Food throwing and throwing of toys was a difficult phase. I learned to just make her help clean it up but in a matter of fact way. Explanation won’t work at that age but you could talk while cleaning it up with him. It becomes a bit of a game unfortunately so again if you can feed him in the garden maybe the birds will help you clear up afterwards. I’m an older first time mother and I find it extremely hard work. I had to get the mindset that now my day is basically getting nothing done in terms of housework etc, to remove everything I wouldn’t want messed with, to do all my jobs when it’s nap or bed time and pick my battles otherwise it can become a day full of moaning from both sides making it no fun at all. Altruism is key. Don your waterproofs and get outside no matter what the weather. Good luck it is very hard work!! Try to accept and enjoy ?

Dear Cher69. I'm the same age as you and have two grandsons aged 18months and 4.5 years. Like you I raised two daughters and at times tiring but all turned out well!
The arrival of grandsons has been quite an eye opener! My daughter is a full time mum and very clued up. She did when my eldest grandson was one attend a course on how to specifically raise boys. It is different. I'm sure most of us here have experienced frustration at times with how differently men communicate/ behave.! Apparently it's all down to testosterone and fluctuating levels. Of course parenting skills are vital. Nevertheless the youngest seems to have had something akin to a death wish. Everything is climbed, poked or put in his mouth! I spent a week with them last October and it was an eye opener. She had a small party for Halloween with a mixture of boys and girls of similar ages. The differences between the boys and girls was amazing. The girls were quite and more concerned with group play and the creative activities. The boys were leaping around play fighting! These are very "woke" parents who go out of their way to avoid gender stereotyping!
My daughter has found it essential for them both to burn off energy. It's been trickier in lockdown but they really benefit from safe open spaces where they can climb and explore. Like your grandson little one is totally adorable and has the sweetest nature. If it's any consolation he is slowing down a little as his language develops.
All you can do is make the spaces in as safe as possible although even then he will find something. Maybe limit snacks etc to somewhere easily cleaned. Its important to teach manners etc but at this stage exploration of his world is what makes him tick.
Be gentle and kind to yourself. I'm fully aware that I'm not as quick or energetic as when I was a parent. I know reigns are very frowned upon. I had eldest for day when he was 2 and was taking him into nearby seaside town. I pointed out to my daughter my concerns about chasing after him near water etc and we compromised with a little back pack,which he loved but also has a rein like attachment.
I dont know how often you have your grandson or whether it is a whole working day or just occasionally. You do need to consider your own health needs and make it a positive experience for both of you. Respect the parents wishes but to be honest a few hours of paw patrol can be a life saver! Limit the sugar too!

I’m another who thinks a lot of the replies given might work with an older child, but I’m not sure about a 15 month old!
I’d also think explaining why what he’s done is wrong might not cut any ice either.
Usually a wee child’s main aim is to get attention, and they learn very quickly that behaviour such as you’re describing is guaranteed to get a reaction. How do you feel about ignoring stuff poured on the carpet, or the Quavers being crushed underfoot, and just clean up quietly? And could you put down his food and just remove it if he doesn’t eat it? It’s not easy, especially if you feel you should be ‘ in control’, but there’s more than one way to skin a cat!

I think the other thing that may have been missed (in the comments about his behaviour over the past few months of lockdown) is also that a few months is a LONG time developmentally at that age. Of course you would expect his behaviour to have changed in that time and if it hadn’t it would actually probably be a little worrying. At that age, developmental milestones are being met every month (google ‘wonder weeks’ for some of the mental developmental changes babies/toddlers go through). He does sound like a very normal toddler and I think given your health limitations it would be good if another care option was found for everyone’s wellbeing

I completely understand, I am 69 tomorrow, and today I have my (just) 3 year old twin grandsons. I absolutely adore them, but they are both so lively and noisy and messy, it is impossible to keep up. I got up and cleaned the floors this morning before they arrived, you cannot see the floors for toys and chaos now. We have them twice a week and have accumulated so many toys in the dining room to keep them busy! But I missed them so much during lockdown, and in September they may start nursery, so I am making the most of it and always need a catch up day the day after they have been here. I may sleep most of my birthday tomorrow, and we have them again Thursday. I really do understand, these two need silencers when they play superheroes, one is Hulk and one is He-man!

Soft play

Wow! The comments towards this woman by many of you are awful. She has come for empathy and solutions not criticism. Yes the child is 15 months old but they are capable of some boundaries and reprimands. Also why would she change her flooring and home to suit him? I get putting fragile and dangerous objects high up but he needs to learn that he cannot break other peoples items. This will take time and consistency but eventually he will understand. As well I would speak to mom and throw some ideas back and forth with her as she is the expert on her child. I have boys and they were both active and rambunctious when they were small but with patience and consistent discipline them and my home came out just fine lol
Good luck and I hope you don’t take too much of these ladies criticisms to heart. It’s nice that you are helping your daughter and reaching out

You poor thing, you have such difficult medical problems, I'm not surprised that you are struggling, but like some of the other posters, I believe his behaviour, even for a 15 month old baby is totally unacceptable, IMHO, it's totally unnecessary for any c child of any age to destroy your home as he is, and, at his age he needs to be taught this.

Children of any age need boundaries, continuity, and clarity, along with love. It doesn't have to be under the same terms as his parents, when with you, he needs to learn YOUR rules?

I'm not sure if you have him all day every day, but you need to almost timetable his activities, if you can, buy a mini set of cleaning kit for him, quick cuddle with him, then he can help you do some jobs, most chiLdren's will enjoy this. If he becomes aggressive tell him he is begin naughty then tell him to be a good boy and help grandma. When he helps you give him lots of praise.

Next is break time......a piece of fruit and a drink of water or milk in his high chair, for him, and a cuppa and fruit or similar for you. If he throws them tell him 'bad Freddie' and remove the items. You can remain sat down, and enjoy your drink and fruit, but don't give Freddie his back.

On to the next time, play a game together, keep telling him what a lovely good boy he is. If he misbehave tell him, calmly, and quietly.

On to lunch, ONLY give him healthy food, praise him when he eats and ignore anything pushed / thrown away.

If you are up to it, go out for a walk, feed the ducks, make the leaves crunch. On the way home, ignore him, pop him in his buggy, he should sleep. This is your rest time as well.

Now it's time for dirty play, craft, mud pies, whatever you fancy......are you getting the idea?

It will be he'll for a few days, but I can almost guarantee that it will work, and will be worth it!

Well apart from telling his mum you can no longer look after him, I think the issue is attention seeking behaviour. He knows his behaviour is naughty and will get a reaction from you. Sorry, I don't believe his behaviour is normal.

I sympathise it is exhausting caring for this sort of small boy. My two eldest grandsons were close in age and just like your small GS. I don't know if you are able to get out and about but a good run outside early in the day seemed to help a bit. Also out in the garden with a washing up bowl of water and things to float or other mucky but harmless activities. I do agree that a routine which is unchanging seems to help. If he is only with you one day or so a week don't worry too much about the food, provide things to eat and if he doesn't eat them at the time he probably will later. How does your DD view this behaviour is she relaxed with it?

It surprises me that some people think throwing food about and deliberately emptying juice onto the carpet is to be expected. I had 2 boys, very energetic, one of them a climber from 11 months, the other a climber from 2 years. (You try getting two under 5s down from a coconut tree!)
Real fruit juice, squash or any other type of drink other than water or milk is not recommended for children as it rots their teeth and the sugar and E number additives cause behavioural problems.
Use a sippy cup for drinks but have a water play area outside so that he can pour and experiment to his hearts content.
It needn’t be anything flash. Washing up bowl with a sieve, jugs etc. That needs 100% supervision. Children can drown in inches of water.
A mud kitchen can be useful as well as a sandpit.
When the weather is warm I used to allow them to paint with no clothes on. Or a paintbrush and water used on the patio can entertain. When you get to the end of your tether and the weather is bad a bath with loads of water toys is a solution.
Behaviour and food are very much linked. Avoid processed food, snacks should be fruit, veg., cheese, meat. Meals, adult meals slightly adapted (less seasoning, perhaps mashed)
His parents need to be on board with this as there is no point in you giving him healthy food if he gets junk at home.
Lots of room and encouragement to burn up energy, healthy food and cuddles and reading when tired and you will be in control.

I personally set down some house rules.

I would only give him food when he is in his high chair and if he trows it away. If he wants a drink, make him sit down and give him a cup and take it away as soon as he is finished.
Perhaps his mum needs to be a bit more strict with him and not let him do as he wishes.
A Lot of children seem to be allowed to do as they want in this day and age.
I brought up 3 sons under 5 and never had any problems like this.

Personally I’d refuse to have him until his behaviour improves! Why is it assumed a boy can trash his grandparents house just because that’s being a boy. God help us if this is the message we are giving male children.

His diet sounds as if it’s responsible for 90% of his awful behaviour and if it’s not tackled now he’ll end up diagnosed with ADHD and on Ritalin ? Why not get hold of a baby/toddler baby cook book and make a few things for him? Then you can suggest things to his parents. We find potato gnocchi and risotto are great and easy to prepare.
No wonder you dread his visits I’m in total sympathy with you.

Children of this age should not have any sugar! My grandson who’s 13 months has only had a very small piece of carrot age on his birthday and doesn’t even have honey.
Even a small amount can make them crazy. It seems as if he would be a different child if his diet was suitable for a child of his age.And you might enjoy his visits.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

On e again thank you so much to those wonderful ladies on here who totally understand where I am coming from. I dont want to stop having him I love him to the core he is a beautiful little boy and not like this all the time. Which is what makes me think its food. I know children throw things etc and accept that and can deal with all the normal stuff it's when he goes into overdrive that I find myself lost because he will not engage he is off and on one. I found a tv programme yesterday that stops him in his tracks and calms him so there we go simple as that. Thank you so much for suggesting it. We did tv together before lockdown to get him of to sleep nursery rhymes etc. But obviously he has grown out of those now and needs new stimulation and thank the lord I have found it. Thankyou again all of you. New day! new routine! New food! new toys! and new more enlightened nanny. Looking forward to the next part of our adventure together. I will keep you updated if you like to let you all know what I did and how we go on. If that's ok! Xxxx

Cher69 I really feel for you. Some judgemental, patronising and at times hurtful replies on this thread. Enough to make you wish you hadn’t asked.

I hope you’ll benefit from the helpful advice that’s been suggested. A boisterous 15 month old can be hard work for a fit young parent but for a senior with medical problems it can be an uphill struggle. You sound like a great mum and gran and your days will soon get easier as this little whirlwind starts to settle into a better routine.

Certainly, as others say, baby-proof the rooms he will be in.

Do make sure nothing you don't want him to get hold of is where he can reach it.

Next ask your daughter what she does when the boy throws food on the floor or refuses to eat?

This is normal behaviour in a child of his age, he is unconsciously trying to get you to do what he is used to at home and trying to get you to let him do all the things his mother doesn't allow too.

You and your daughter need to agree what he is allowed to do and what not. Children like and need boundaries, as long as they are sensible and made kindly.

Xrgran
This is not toddler boys behave, it is how toddlers behave. Period. Boy and girl toddlers

General comment: stereotyping behaviour by gender is a misogynist behaviour we have to change. Example: "boys will be boys" has to stop. It is "children will be children"
It depends on the personality of the child, not the gender.

If OP does what you suggest, the gs would not visit for a very long time.
Have you heard of terrible 2s or 3s?
A normal 15 month old behaviour is nothing compared to what's coming

Some grands do a great job at taking care of their grandchildren.
Om the other hand, your way of thinking is why children are better in daycare where professional and realistic standards are followed
A child doesn't deserve to be punished for behaving based on their biological age.

Soeey, bit i agree with Tigger this is not normal behaviour,i have had 4 boys including twins,and never had this kind of behaviour
Also i have several grandsons and one of them did carry on like this and was eventually diagnosed as having Aspbergers.
I hope this is not the case with your grandson, but it sounds very familiar,even to only wanting certain foods etc.
I think you should ask your daughter if he behaves like this at home? if so he is either not supervised and let do what he likes ,or there is a problem which needs to be addressed before he gets too much older
Not what anyone wants to hear,but you are struggling and fighting a losing battle by the sound of it,

Dorsetcupcake61, having brought up two sons and two daughters, I really can't agree about gender differences in behaviour.

Mine were all very active and boisterous. They behaved in similar ways. I believe any perceived differences are just that, reflections of an unconscious parental change in expectations and treatment. We need to guard against directing children into traditional male or female behaviour.

I do wonder if you have forgotten what its like to have a 15month old if the last ones you had were your own kids?
Sitting down to play isn't something that the ones I know do unless they are tired!!

And I would confine food and drink unless he is sitting down (high chair if he has one) - I've never been one for letting kids wander round with food or drink. Maybe as it's summer you could have food outside as picnics are always fun!!

My granddaughter is 15 months, and would never behave like this. None of my grandchildren have, and neither did my children. They understand very well. I’m afraid I believe it’s something we see all too often now, lack of discipline. I don’t mean smacking/ shouting....just being firm and showing the child authority. There’s too much pandering to them to the point they’re in charge and not the parents.
An interesting documentary about a year ago, focused on 999 calls. One particular week, they were looking at calls from parents at the end of their tethers with unruly children, from all backgrounds, wanting the police to take them away! The police were saying they’ve had surges of these type calls for the last 15 years or so.
Cher69 I think you should stop looking after him for the sake of your own health. You didn’t put up with it with your own children, why should you now. I agree boys can be more ‘ lively’, but that’s not the same as plain naughtiness. Any measures you put in place to control him when he’s with you, are just undone the minute he goes home. Look after yourself.

Cher69

On e again thank you so much to those wonderful ladies on here who totally understand where I am coming from. I dont want to stop having him I love him to the core he is a beautiful little boy and not like this all the time. Which is what makes me think its food. I know children throw things etc and accept that and can deal with all the normal stuff it's when he goes into overdrive that I find myself lost because he will not engage he is off and on one. I found a tv programme yesterday that stops him in his tracks and calms him so there we go simple as that. Thank you so much for suggesting it. We did tv together before lockdown to get him of to sleep nursery rhymes etc. But obviously he has grown out of those now and needs new stimulation and thank the lord I have found it. Thankyou again all of you. New day! new routine! New food! new toys! and new more enlightened nanny. Looking forward to the next part of our adventure together. I will keep you updated if you like to let you all know what I did and how we go on. If that's ok! Xxxx

I think the change of food will bring major changes good luck

I haven't read all of this so I hope I am not repeating something already mentioned. My GS could be like this but my DD worked out it was the quavers and those cheesy snack things whose name I have forgotten that was making him hyper so I would stop giving him those. It was apparently something in the coloured stuff that's in them. Sorry I know I am not explaining this very well but in short keep him off orange coloured snacks.