Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

We had one of those! He was definitely a challenge! But we did discipline him by being firm and he didn’t like it. However he is now an adorable little 4 year old. He loves us and he is polite and a joy to be round. If you do not be firm you can ruin a child. They need boundaries even at 15 months.

Boys get easily bored especially toddler boys, and they have tremendous amounts of energy to burn. If you could take him out and find some way of burning off this excess energy he will be so much easier to manage. I used to get my sons playing an obstacle course in the garden, riding their push along bikes, seeing how fast they could run etc and when indoors dancing to music and then drawing and making things. Girls tend to occupy themselves more, but boys are different in my experience. I have 2 sons, 3 grandsons and 3 granddaughters. I'm not being gender prejudiced but it's just something I've experienced. If you can tire him out and then keep him engaged he'll be much easier. I don't think he's got anything wrong with him. My sons were the same at his age and my grandsons. It's a shame about social distancing or you could have taken him to a playgroup to play with other children and have new experiences. It's difficult for you with your health issues though, and I do feel for you. Maybe as things reopen you might be able to find some groups to take him too? Good luck.

I’m sure it’s all been said. I had two boys with 18 months between them, but don’t remember this sort of behaviour, throwing and other dangerous actions would be nipped in the bud as soon as it started unless it is a foam ball, but don’t let him chew it.
Things to try if you haven’t already.
Say NO loudly and firmly, as you would to a dog, a simple way to make him understand that something is unacceptable. eg throwing, but you can get a small child's ball ( a small beach ball) and play catch or football with it outside only. It will take him time to master this.
When out use reins if you can still get them.
Even go out when it’s wet or raining - wellies and mac, jumping in puddles is fun. Playgrounds are open now in our area.
When he has got rid of a bit of energy, play music -all sorts, easy listening, classical, sixties pop, show him how to dance or move to it, eg marching, jumping, rolling over.
Find unbreakable objects - plastic, wood, metal, and let him hit them with a wooden spoon and hear the different noises he can make. A toy like a dump truck he can load and tip up might keep him quiet for ages, indoors or out. You can let him use small unbreakable items to put into it such as balls of wool, small tins of food, plastic cartons etc.
Have some baby’s board books and let him snuggle up and turn the pages. With pictures of animals make the appropriate noise.
Has he learnt to count up to ten, know his colours?
I assume you have some age appropriate harmless plastic toys. If he throws things it is either frustration or temper, can you watch and work out why?
He may not understand why his mother is dumping him on you after he has presumably been at home with her. I sympathise with those that have no choice but to go out to work, the first few years of a child’s life are so precious, the foundation of who they will be is being laid.
Can you look after him in his own home sometimes if not always?
If necessary don’t be afraid to say that your health is not up to it, maybe your daughter can go part time.

Has he learnt to count up to ten, know his colours?
he's 15 months old so would only be counting by rote and would probably not understand the concept yet.
Some babies aren't saying much at all at that age, boys are often slower than girls at talking. He should understand the word 'No', though, but shouting at a baby, as the OP said she does, should not happen.
It means the carer has lost control, probably understandable if she is tired and unable to cope.
Perhaps the couple of days at nursery will help.

He sounds as if he needs a lot of attention which can be fun, but tiring.
There is no shame in saying that you don't feel up to it, Cher. They are incredibly hard work.

Oh Cher, I feel your pain, I can give hope but unfortunately not a solution. My grandson behaved in exactly this way, I'd brought up two sons and never experienced anything like it. Deliberately destructive, defiant and like yours, just laughed if you tried to reason with him or discipline him. He's 5 1/2 now and started school last September (for all of 6 months before lockdown). He had a very bumpy start behaviour wise but his teacher gradually turned him around with support from home and now he is a sweet, funny and charming little boy. He still has the occasional meltdown and still laughs at you when you tell him off, but I think that will gradually fade away too. We've traced a lot of bad behaviour to being tired or hungry, easier to deal with when you know the cause. I agree with what others have said, you need to structure his day as much as possible, we found DGS was a joy if you engaged him in an activity he was interested in, which can of course be very tiring all day every day. I used to keep reminding myself how little he was, tough though.

The OP has twice thanked us for the advice and told us how she intends to proceed.

My middle child a boy was similar.
Life was very hard.

We got a referral to a child psychologist, the first thing we had to do was establish a rigid routine.
When I say rigid I mean it!!
Same morning greeting, same bedtime story, we had to explain every journey and outing, no surprises.
6.30 bath, 7.00 drink, story and bed.
Wake at 7.00 even if you had been up all night with him!!
We also put him on a 100% pure diet, nothing artificial, no gravy browning, sugar, juice etc.
It worked a treat, within 3 months we had a happy child.
We gradually reintroduced different foods and quickly discovered the culprits.
He was still traumatised from a difficult birth and had big reactions to E numbers etc, they caused real hyperactivity.

Sounds like a 15 month old boy toddler to me. I had one son and one daughter
and both my son and three grandsons And one granddaughter were like that. When they were that age I moved everything they shouldn’t touch and made my living room a playroom with a gate to keep them in there unless I went with them. Best times of my life looking after them. Enjoy your time and leave the cleaning till he’s gone home. I understand you get tired. I have bad arthritis and have good days snd bad days, but I do what I can when I can. The main thing is to appreciate what you have.

Cabbie21

The OP has twice thanked us for the advice and told us how she intends to proceed.

Another example of how useful it would be if OP posts were highlighted during threads and sooooo many people don’t read anything but the first post.

The difference is he is a boy! I had 2 girls and then a boy! All he wanted to do was run around and make a noise! It was hard to get him to sit still long enough to engage him in play or books. Especially at the age your grandson is. My advice would be talk to your daughter and tell her you can't look after him at the moment because it's impacting your health. Maybe when he is past this stage you can have him again, 3 to 4 is a nicer age!

Apologies if it's already been said, as I haven't read all 5 pages of replies.

Try to tell him what you want him to do, not what you don't want him to do. Our instinct is to say "Don't pour that drink on the floor!" whereas it's much more effective to say something like "Hold your drink carefully" with lots of praise given if he manages it.
It can be really difficult to think of a positive thing like that to say on the spur of the moment as it doesn't come naturally, I needed to practice when I looked after my grandchildren but it really does help.
I realised I was trying to talk like a satnav, they say "At the next roundabout take the second exit." they don't say "Don't get off the next roundabout at the first exit because you need the second one."

At 15m he's too young to understand about the 'naughty' step or even the concept of being naughty, we all have different definitions for that anyway. If you and the parents decide to introduce it later it's better to call it a time out or calming down step/area. And at 15m he's also too young to understand any lengthy explanations of why he shouldn't do something, so keep these short and only if you really think they'll help.
He may not have much language to be able to express himself yet, so acknowledging his frustration that he wants to do something, but you don't want him to do it, will also help. Try to have some distractions to hand to divert him from something you don't want him to do.
Good tv is your friend in short bursts if you both sit and watch together; CBeebies stuff is good and (I think) has to be produced to strict guidelines - Hey Douggie is my and my granddaughter's particular favourite!

There's also a new BBC Under 5s parenting website, Tiny Happy People, that looks really good so it may be worth your while giving that a look as well.

Wishing you all the very best Cher.

Gosh it's scary reading some of the replies here. A naughty step for a fifteen month old. Really!!! As a nursery teacher of nearly 40 years and a grandma to a little boy I would say this is the big difference between boys and girls. Boys are usually really physical and on the go most of the time. I remember being exhausted looking after my grandson between a year and aged two and a half. The main thing is to get him outdoors as much as possible -play areas, parks, walks and to try and tire him out. Make sure he has a sleep during the day and then you can also re charge your batteries

I know just how you feel. I didn’t babysit on a regular basis, but when my D D asked if I could have the twins for the day, I had a panic attack. ( boys) . I had run a playgroup for 10 years but having the twins was more exhausting. If I took them to the park, they would run in different directions. One would go up the slide, the other running towards the flying swings. ?‍♀️. I just got out the toy box with lots of different things in and didn’t worry about the state the house would get in. Paddling pool with slide in in the summer. Out for a walk in their buggy until they fell asleep. They are 14 now and lovely, dear boys and we have a great bond. Good luck ?

Trying to think back 30 odd years ago when my two son's were little! Further to the suggestion of a high chair I used to have a plastic mat under mine. for my boys. Then any food dropped on the floor was easy to clear up. Baby gates were a must and baby proof fasteners on all the cupboards and drawers I didn't want them to get into. All precious ornaments were up a height. I swore by reigns, not those horrible things that go on their wrists that are no good for stooping them running into the road! Wellingtons and a plastic mac for walks in the rain. They love stamping in puddles. Washable felt tip pens and plenty of paper. Duplo is the big Lego (I still have a crate in the loft) but wooden blocks are fun to knock down. Books on shapes and colours rather than story's are educational and you can make a game pointing to similar colours, apart from Thomas the Tank engine books which were a favourite. Toys like shape sorters and anything with wheels that they can push along the floor. A large bean bag so when they were tired they would flake out on that. I would say your grandson is a bit young for play dough as most thing go in their mouths at that age.

Magicwand
Yes, Positive Parenting!

It's astonishing that so many people (not necessarily on here) think that negativity is the best way.
I do think that a firm 'No' occasionally followed by distraction is not a bad thing but in a nice way.

I bet someone else has mentioned this, but just in case they haven't,you could present his food in a fun way. Make a face out of various bits of more nourishing food you want him to eat. If he is up in his high chair you will have more control.

I can remember my sister telling me when I had my first child that I should turn the house into a giant play pen. We used gates to stop her going where she might harm herself but apart from that she was free to roam.

I had girls and I know that's a different kettle of fish altogether. Boys do find it harder to sit still so keep him moving to use up that energy.

All the very best to you.

Food only in high chair also tell his mum you don’t know how to cope with him now he’s growing up and what does she suggest How does she manage with him on a day to day basis as you are exhausted and so must she be same ??

Stop having him round at your place.
Visit him only at his house.
Let the mother pick up the pieces......

You have COPD and fibromyalgia, so getting out into parks etc might be a big deal and very tiring for you. He is turning up hyperactive. I think you need to work out what you can cope with in terms of hours and days. Then have a serious talk with your daughter. What is happening at the moment is not good for you or for the little lad. Certainly, tweaking his diet to cut sugar (and calories in general) may well help. Also the many ideas for routine and using TV/a bath for time out(ish) are good. And small children do need to burn off energy so if you are not well enough to take him out much he needs a play centre or whatever - ask locally. Its my guess you and your daughter need to have a real plan for dealing with damage and defiance. Does he have any angers/insecurities that may be coming out? Sorry to answer questions with questions. By asking you are on the path to finding a better way.

Try ignoring as much of the 'bad' behaviour as you can (unless it's dangerous) and concentrate on rewarding the 'good' behaviour. So eg if he's throwing things around and having a paddy don't reward him with lots of attention. My last kid was a destroyer and a screamer, and we found that if he got little attention for these antics he soon got bored with them. On the other hand if he wanted to engage in a game or look at a book he had happy faces and approving gestures all around him. I'd love to tell you it was an overnight success but that would be a lie! Eventually though he did learn that good behviour had its rewards and bad behaviour got him largely ignored. I'd add that he was the only one of my kids who eventually had a playpen and that was for my sake not his. Occasionally he'd be put there and left to scream himself quiet and when he calmed down he'd be lifted out and cuddled so that he associated calm reasonable behaviour with rewards. You have my sympathy, it's a very trying time and best of luck!

I have 2 sons now grown up. When my GD was born it was lovely and although her parents said she was hard work they realised how good she has been since their son was born. He is now 2 and is everything I remember a 2 year old to be. He gets into the fridge, climbs everything, is very single minded when he wants to do something and doesn't like holding my hand. Boys are very different. Pick your battles, 'reinforce please and thank you. Both my son's survived to be nice, considerate adults. I am sure your grandson will too. Stay strong, x

I have a three year grandson who is at full pelt all day. Its blooming exhausting looking after him. He enjoys washing his toys in the sink so that's a good activity. The garden is our saving grace. We've installed swings and a see saw. We also bought big toys in charity shops for the garden. We have a tent which just flips open so on nice days he can eat in the tent. We also have a trampoline which all the grandchildren love. All I can say is this time is precious. It will be gone in a flash.

I was 70 when my daughters had her baby and yes, she wanted babysitting on a frequent basis.
I had forgotten how to change nappies after 35 years and I quickly realised how exhausting looking after a toddler was.

He is now 5years old and a bundle of energy. I must admit I feel absolutely knackered after they have gone home. Having a day out with them means I need the next day to recover.

It gets better with time, so hang in there.
I think occasionally we have to say no to our nearest and dearest.

At that age, a trip to a nearby (safe) park in a pushchair, then a run around in the fresh air to expend energy, were essential. Point out every flower, tree, bird, pond, duck etc, to have him learning and stimulated.

Plus a large playpen in the living room.

After a good getting rid of energy, a nap!

Structure the day. Have food after trip out. No snacking.

It sounds like your grandson has ADHD or could even be on the autistic spectrum. Try doing things with him that would make him tired; let him run around your garden, or if that's in danger of being trashed, take him to the park, and throw the ball for him to chase after. Wear him out! And tell your daughter or son, that they need to find another babysitter. Why do our offspring expect us (when we're older with health issues) to look after their kids unpaid!