Babysitting a 15 month old boy driving me to distraction please help!

well, i am astonished at some of these replies.

Firstly, I think Dorsetcupcake has posted on the wrong thread!
I’m wondering if people have really realised that the child is 15 MONTHS OLD! Do you expect him to know that pouring water ‘ to his heart’s content’ is to be a solution in the garden, but unacceptable in the house? Or that a baby ( for that is what he is) will deliberately ‘ laugh at’ his carer when he is chastised?
I’m also getting a mental picture of the child marauding through the house looking for things to destroy, which is not behaviour I’d expect a baby to exhibit.
I do hope granny finds that the strategies she has decided to use will work. Good luck!

MissAdventure

I'm bugged if I'd let someone charge around grinding food into my soft furnishings; grandchild or not!
They're the sort of visitors that everyone dreads coming.

Me neither. High chair then the table.
Why would anyone let a baby, a child, wander around with food in their hands?
Actually, we had a high chair that split into a low chair and little table, useful for getting them used to sit at a table.
And also for sitting with crayons and paper etc.

I'll never forget going house hunting for our first house and the 4 year old son was eating syrup sandwiches (!) and came over to give me a hug!

We did have visitors who called unexpectedly with their four children who marauded through the house, broke a vase and when I called for them to come downstairs before they trashed my house, the parents look affronted!
The youngest was about 6, old enough to know better.

However, yes, Daddima he is A BABY and it's up to the adults to organise his environment and give him plenty of stimulation and enough to occupy him.

janeainsworth

Lucca Is that a brick wall I see before me?
<bangs head>

Yes I think it is......

Zinfandel7

Soft play

Shut

Lucca

Cabbie21

The OP has twice thanked us for the advice and told us how she intends to proceed.

Another example of how useful it would be if OP posts were highlighted during threads and sooooo many people don’t read anything but the first post.

I think it has turned into a general discussion about delinquent babies, Lucca.

Eazybee is one of the few talking sense. All this talk suggesting because he is only 15month old this behaviour is acceptable just compounds in my head why there are so many young people with anti social behaviours, little respect causing mayhem! If a child from the outset is shown what is acceptable and what is not believe me they know even as young as 15 months right from wrong. You don't have to shout, you just need to use a firm tone that signals a certain behaviour is not what you want & give lots of praise for the right behaviours. Goodness me when do you start telling a child it's wrong to throw food, grind food on the carpets, disregard parents / carers etc, etc - when they start school and then you wonder why no one wants to play with them and teachers constantly have to talk to you about their disruptive behaviour. They may only be 15 months old but try stopping these behaviours when they are a strapping, attitudal 15 year old!

He does sound a handful but not that unusual. I have a similar aged grandson who is into everything and it can be tiring amusing him and keeping him safe and well fed. My Fitbit records 7000 steps without leaving the house when I am minding him, and over 10,000 when we go out to the park.
I currently have him from 8.30am to 4pm on Tuesdays, with his two older brothers. He is full of energy and I know his parents are not very consistent, but he knows that in 'Nanny's house' food, whether meals or occasional snacks, is eaten sitting down by the table, in a high chair with its own tray, drinks given in a sippy cup which is taken away when he has finished drinking what he wants at that point. It is not left with him, otherwise he will sprinkle it on the floor when he's had enough. His hands are washed and wiped well after eating to stop him getting too many finger marks on furniture and walls.
When he has finished eating, l do not let him play with food. I take him out of his high chair as soon as it evident he has finished eating. I don't give him snacks before meals as it dampens his appetite too much and he will throw his food around if he is not hungry. Water is given most of the time between meals, milk juice or squash to be drunk at the table only or not all all. He is not yet really interested in children's TV but likes to look at picture books sometimes, and playing in the garden,with water play in warm weather, playing with Duplo and and a duplo train set, emptying kitchen cupboards and bookcases ( child locks recently re- installed on the out of bounds cupboards) and clambering up and down stairs a few times, under supervision. He usually has just under an hour's nap after lunch. He likes going out for walks in his buggy to the park. I do devote the whole day to caring for him and his brothers and get nothing else done while he is with me, and yes, cooking proper food can be difficult while he is under my feet but I usually prepare what I can before he arrives at 8.30 in the morning. They grow up so quickly and he should learn to adapt to your rules if you are consistent. .
When he and his brothers are collected, I then collapse onto sofa with a hot cup of tea!

@Hithere I read your comment “stereotyping behaviour by gender is a misogynist behaviour we have to change” with a grin on my face.
Reality is that in general boys and girls are like different species.
I used to believe in trying to bring my children up in a gender neutral way, as did my daughter in law.
I had boys and cheerfully encouraged them to play with their baby dolls to no avail, they preferred to hammer and construct things.
My d-i-l had girls who despite being offered gender neutral options they chose, from their earliest days, stereotypical ‘girly’ pursuits.
Most other mums I have discussed this topic with agree that boys and girls are hardwired differently.

You have my sympathy, but you really have to set boundaries. Choose your battles. Let him get away with little things. Be firm when his actions are unacceptable. Give him plenty of physical love and praise him for good behaviour.

UK50 I am very glad you weren't my mum or that you had nothing to do with my GC ,who I have looked after for 17 years and who are all very well behaved ,well adjusted young people

I have 2 grandsons eldest is now 6 and youngest nearly 18 months. I only have them one day a week. It is exhausting but fun. I also COPD I'm 6I. I go to my daughters house rather than have them at mine as it is childproofed and they have all their favourite things to hand .I find this works much better Eldest is school age so most of the day is with the youngest, same age as your grandson. Its a long day I arrive 7 15 am and leave around 6 30 when my daughter gets home. Could you try this?
He only eats in his high chair in kitchen and has a good appetite so usually eats most of his food but does sometimes throw his food around. He thinks its a game. When he starts this I remove him from High chair and put food away for later.
I take him out in his pushchair to park or into garden to blow off steam. I take my lead from him. He likes to listen to his favourite songs and I dance with him. He rarely sits still long enough for books and stories yet. We build towers with bricks and knock them down then start again. When he is looking tired or fractious I do allow him to watch some peppa pig on tv, then put him in his cot and he will usually have a nap. If he having a bad day I put him in bath with his toys to splash about etc My partner does pick up eldest from school at 3 15 and brings him home. I then gladly hand youngest to him for a while so i can make a meal for eldest and chat with him about his day. This is much needed respite!
This works for me but glad only one day. My daughter is now part time since youngest born. Other grandma does the same on another day and her husband now has a day off in the week to cover the 3rd day. He then makes up his working hrs on a Sat when daughter is home. I hope you can discuss things with your daughter and work something out that makes things easier for you, Good Luck

Esspee
I agree with you.

What you are describing is letting the children pick what they like, not excusing or guiding the behaviour because of their gender.

A girl and a boy can be boisterous or active or quiet or chill or emotional or crafty or... whatever they want to be

Qualities are not tied to genders, but to personality

Saying that boys are more active than girls is what I oppose.

Saying "boys will be boys" to justify a behavior in males but not in females is what I am against

I disagree with saying this is stereotyping.

My grandson has dolls, a kitchen, a toy hoover, a buggy. He has dress up dresses and loves having his 'make-up' (no actual products touch his skin!) done when his mum is doing hers. He is allowed to be whatever he wants to be.

He is still a manic ball of energy, even is he does it wearing a tutu with hair bobbles in. Yes, I'm aware that girls can be just as lively. BUT boys get a testosterone rev at some point (I got the information via a nursery nurse, so I'm not the expert) which CAN put them into overdrive.

I 100% believe it is the family's responsibility to curb any violent / aggressive behaviour and to teach a child how to behave in a kind and compassionate way. I did it with my daughter, using our pet cats as practise. We're doing the same thing with my grandson. The difference is by 2, my daughter was kind and gentle with the cats whereas my current cats are scared of my grandson. NOT because he is ever allowed to be unkind to them, BUT because his natural inclination is loud and boisterous. We WILL train him to respect the cats in the end. He's getting there now.

My darling boy is a kind and sweet little one. He just happens to be jet propelled. Whether that is his boy hormones OR is just the way he is I don't know. But he'll grow up respecting women, knowing violence is wrong and being kind to animals regardless.

There have been a variety of programmes watching how children play and interact in different settings.

A play house and some plasticine; the girls set about making it homely, decided who would have which role to play, then set about making food out of the plasticine.

The boys started off the same way. Then some of the boys kept bursting into the house and it ended up with them all running around, some of them trashing the home.

It showed the plasticine at the end of play.

Girls - roughly in matching coloured dollops.
Boys - great smears of flattened, sludge coloured gunge.

Lego. The girls built houses and home items.
The boys built much more elaborate things, rockets, tall structures. Then they had a play fight of knocking it all down and ended up running amok again.

Not all boys behave in the same way.
My grandson, now 12, happily played with any toys, dolls as well as trains, loved dressing up, chose to draw and colour rather than crash around, loves Lego, designs airports and stations, reads quietly, enjoys football and long walks.
His older sister was not interested in dolls, preferred cars and trains, is very active, runs 10k, goes climbIng, plays cricket.

In short, rounded interests and choices.

I strongly object to all this stereotyping.

He sounds rather hyperactive to me, yes he is a baby but he is still a handful. I don't really have any recommendations, but I suspect that the sugar and additives that are in processed foods is not helping him. Without it he might be a little calmer, although still a toddler pushing boundaries. My niece reacted terribly to food additives, she turned into a right monster when she ate them, your grandson sounds very similar.

Cher69 you are doing a great job really aren't you and I am sure a more structured day will help too. Ignore the daft comments!!
Good luck and enjoy!

I’m not surprised you are finding it hard to cope with a lively grandson , as well as having fibromyalgia!

Maybe you should tell his mum that it’s too much for you?,

I can't really offer advice as had two daughters, but one of them who has two sons has a theory that boys are like dogs in that they need to go on walks/run/burn off energy! Maybe more time outside or at a soft play centre where he can work off his energy? Best of luck

Should we refuse

Once again thank you so much for all your amazing advice and ideas. Some of which I knew already (So why my brain didn't think of them god knows?) I put it down to lockdown making my brain turn to mush. Other things I hadn't thought of and are fab ideas which I will certainly try. I just want to say it is incredible just by interacting on a forum with people who understand how uplifting and encouraging it is. Just to feel that you are not the only one who experiences these things brings about a renewed enthusiasm not just for caring for my grandson but for life. Having fibromyalgia copd and mental health issues which I didnt disclose before because I didnt want to be judged. ( However I have been by some so it didnt really matter anyway lol!). Does affect my ability to cope but I do have a husband who helps when I can't function at full capacity. As I have said previously he doesn't behave like this all the time. He is a beautiful loving little boy. I have two cats he adores and strokes gently. I have taught him to do this. Before lockdown he was pulling their tails and hitting them. Because he didnt know any better because he is a baby. I taught him by buying him a toy cat to take home and during lockdown his mum has been playing with him and the cat. Teaching him to be kind and it has worked. So I am not oblivious to the development of a baby or of his needs. I have looked after him since birth. His mum is self employed and had to return very soon after she had him. Maternity pay doesnt last forever when you are self employed it's really hard. He is also a breastfed baby. But did take bottles too fortunately. So I think it was more the shock that he had developed so quickly during lockdown and I presume that if there had been no break in the routine that things would have been a lot better now. Because we had structure and a routine from him being 3 months old. Then lockdown came and everything changed for everyone not just us. I honestly feel that this is a huge part of the problem. He has been given quavers by his parents because they thought it was easy at times when they were struggling. I think he has probably been let loose to run wild and get away with things because patience has run thin at times in the household. Not all of us are Mary Poppins with a never ending reserve of patience and energy even though some would like to think they are.. Every child is different and develops some quicker than others. I know he gets frustrated because he trys to talk to me in his own way and is very articulate and animated. We will get through this together. Thank you all of you even the ones that have criticised me. If that makes you feel better I am glad to be of service.

Cher69 yes it is good here and does make you feel less alone on all sorts of issues. There are always people who think their way is the only way,sometimes there are nuggets of wisdom sometimes as in life just ignore?. I think any parent who says they havent struggled at sometime during lockdown is in denial or telling porkies. The pressures of being cooped up plus all the other anxieties tremendous. He was in a good routine before and will be again. He sounds adorable ??