Any advice for helping my situation

I dont know why the child treats you this way. Could you get her on her own and ask her? Maybe appeal to her better nature and say that every time she is rude to you it really hurts your feelings. Tell her you often feel like crying, and how would she feel if one of her family treated her this way. Good luck.

She’s trying it on and needs to be told calmly, quietly, but firmly by you that you consider she is being rude and that it is not appropriate to speak to other people in that way. You are entitled to your view about what constitutes appropriate and mutually respectful behaviour and to voice it. I doubt very much you would dream of speaking to her in such a manner and am saddened that you haven’t had more support from your DH or daughter.

I agree with Bluebelle. Get your husband to step in and let her know it is not acceptable to talk to you like this. Any adults in her life who are not telling her this are giving her the message that it is ok. That's not fair on you, or her. If she loves her Grandad so much, it almost sounds like she might be jealous of you. So he needs to make it clear how important you both are to him.

When our children were born we agreed we’d always support each other when dealing with them - even if later we discussed it and had differing views on how we should have gone about it. We never had these discussions in front of them.
We agreed same over GC, if rude/badly behaved to one of us we present a united front on how unacceptable it it is - don’t put up with this bad behaviour but get your husband on side immediately, he should be backing you up, as should the parents.

I certainly think that your husband should say something to her. Even if he wasn't in the same room at the time and didn't hear her (which I guess happens) , he could take her on one side and say that he was very upset to hear her being rude to you and it's not nice when people are horrible to other people is it?
Similar thing happened with my parents and one of my nieces - she was like an angel to my dad, but to my mum, to not put too fine a point on it, she was a spiteful little ***!
My dad just had a word while my mum was out and it never happened again!

I agree with Welbeck, your OH needs to be pulling her up! In fact, when she is trying to start conversation with him, he should be saying "mind your own business " when she tells him how much she loves him, he should be saying " what do you want?"

She is clearly playing people against each other and that's not right.

The very fact that her parents don't pull her up either speaks volumes of their lack of respect for you too!

I'm amazed that the OP's DH hasn't already stepped in to support his wife!
I disagree with inishowen - showing one's vulnerability in the face of this behaviour is definitely not the way to go. It could encourage the child to capitalise on her rudeness.

Granjenny, I really feel for you, personally I think this type of behaviour should be nipped in the bud, your husband seems to be enjoying the situation. I know my youngest two grandchildren (5 yrs & 3 yrs) whilst loving their Grandad are more fond of me, despite the fact I will take no more bad behaviour from them than I would have done from their Mummy - she fortunately agrees. Two weeks ago the 5 year old spoke to me rudely, I automatically said “how dare you speak to me like that”, he went white, and apologised immediately. I know it will happen again from time to time, he is just 5 yrs old and learning, his parents and I are determined he will learn the right way. I hope you get this resolved very soon, despite the fact that we love them to distraction they deserve to be brought up with boundaries.

Speak to her, tell her its not acceptable. Speak to her parents ask them to talk to her. And your husband could also let her know its not acceptable. I probably wouldn't be that tolerant with her she old enough to understand not to treat you like that.

Silly question, but does she know that what she is saying is classed as 'rude behaviour'?

Why not try this tack:
Adult: Your hair looks lovely. Did Mummy do it up for you?
Child: What's it to do with you? Mind your own business.
Adult: Do you know what - I'm very interested to hear why you've asked me to mind my own business. Tell me what it means, and how exactly to do this.
Child: This, that, this that etc.
Adult: You've asked what's it to do with me. Well, I'll tell you but first, you tell me why you think it's NOT to do with me.

I'm simplyfying it, of course but my point is that the child may not comprehend why it's rude. As an example, why is it rude to put our elbows on the table? "It just is" may satisfy an adult but not a child.

Far better to teach her the correct language to use, so that the next time, her response would be in line with, "I'd rather not say" instead of "Mind your own business".

(I know that she is able to behave better with granddad but perhaps he has taught her the acceptable terminology?)

H1954 - your OH should definitely not be saying mind your own business to the child!!! - as adults our job is to strive to model good behaviour! - not stooping to a child's level. A child who is behaving badlyt.

And your job OP is to switch off your hurt and not let GD see it. She needs emotion-free clarity about what is and what is not proper behaviour.

And, in an appropriate situation, she needs to know that kindness to others is all that really matters on this world.

I am wondering if you suspect that your OH is enjoying this a bit - he is right to enjoy GD's devotion to him, but not the fact that she is rude to you. If he gets a kick out of that, then I can understand your hurt.

Ignore her. She has your number, and you give her power by acknowledging she exists. Just look over her shoulder when you say "You have lemonade on the table" or whatever. When it sinks in that she cannot rile you any more, she'll stop.

I would just tell her that it is not acceptable for her to speak to you like that. If she persists your DH and your DD should back you up. You could try, " I am never rude to you. Why are you so rude to me ?"

I would definitely pull her up.on it. Just say don't speak to.me like that it's not polite. Then grandad should back you up if she continues. Your house your rules. I can understand how her behaviour must make you.feel. It would upset me too. Grandad is basking.in her adoration. Tell him to man up and support you

Tanjamaltija - I do disagree. That sort of "withdraweal of love" (looking over her shoulder) tactic is counter-productive. It is also in itself rude; and the aim here is to stop the child being rude!

She needs to know that the OP is a strong calm adult who will give her clarity about good behaviour, not behave rudely herself.

Grandad is basking.in her adoration. Tell him to man up and support you - indeed so.

I wouldn’t ignore it, you also say her other grandma says don’t be rude, so she’s doing this to her too, I think her parents should be having a word with her, she’s playing people off against each other, and no one is saying anything, that to me is strange! You are all adults and she is the child

It’s a well-known fact that if you allow someone (no matter how old they are) to treat you badly they will. Your husband needs to step up and say something and so do the parents. It’s not nice what she’s doing, it’s upsetting you and for that reason and that reason alone it should be stopped.

Telling her thst the behaviour upsets you shows her that what she set out to do has worked. Id just go for the "thats very rude" approach from both you and your dh.

No, this is not on. Rudeness should never be ignored or tolerated. What’s your husband doing about it? If it was me, I’d expect my husband to reel her in, and support me. You’ll end up growing to resent her as she’s only going to get older and worse. You’re worth more than that.

Can I ask, do you think she’s over heard an adult conversation where these phases have been used. I ask because I had an isolated incident with my 10 year old gd where she made a fairly cutting comment to me and it turned out I was being discussed in my absence and she picked up on it and proceeded to use it against me. Not saying this has happened with you but just thought I’d mention it.

My 8 year old granddaughter has done this on occasion and I just tell her that she is not to talk to me like that , in a very firm voice .
I’ve not had to say it in a very long time .

Without doubt get your husband to have a very strict word with her & tell she will not be able to come to you unless she is polite. And stick to it if she continues. I would not accept that from any of my DGC.

Please be direct, respectful and kind but (after reflecting on whether there is anything you are doing to upset her and trigger the hurtful behaviour, and deciding not) confront your granddaughter.

Daughter is a specialist in behaviour and child management at a big school. I know what she would say. She would say promptly react, say “ouch” gently or “that felt unkind”. Keep a kindly tone but be consistent. Explain that you find her remarks hurtful and impolite, and they make you sad. Children need teaching not game playing or escalation, and rewarding when things go well. I think daughter would say, “I wonder if you would like to say sorry to me?” But leave it if she doesn’t. Praise her if she does. Repeat. And repeat. And see what happens. If grandfather can nicely support (without humiliating her) great, he could say “it makes me sad when you talk roughly and unkindly to grandma) but best as an interpersonal lesson from you.

Grandpa needs to support you 100%. Rude children are tolerated nowadays in ways that were unthinkable when I was young. The fact that her parents think it's OK is off too.