Husband problem with grandchild

Did your daughter ask YOU to look after your grandson or both of you? If just you, it could be that your husband could feels pushed out? Do you include him in your activities with your grandson, or suggest he takes the lead on some of it? He might just be nervous about how to handle a small child again, after such a long time, or he may feels that he has had your sole involvement now your kids are grown up and resents it a little (which is understandable to a degree). Can you have a very casual conversation, to try and get his view on this arrangement and how he feels it affects him? Men are very different than women (as we know), and just an understanding of his feelings/thoughts may make it easier for you all. Best of luck!

Your DD has just had a baby, doesn’t your DH respond to this as a valid need to help on your part?

Can’t DH go out and do something he likes for part of the time your DGS is with you, to take his mind off the visit?

Is perhaps DH jealous of your time with the DGS? If so, it might only get worse if you give in to it.

Good luck Notjustaprettyface.

Send your husband out for the day!

My Dh is exactly the same. He normally goes out though. If he’s in and in a grumpy mood I may go to their house to care for gd. I find it extremely hurtful too. His excuse is that parents shouldn’t have had children if they can’t look after them. He came from a family of 11 children and I suspect this is relevant. Mother stayed at home worn out, Father called at pub on way from work on payday....

Similar here although grandchildren are older. Our oldest grandson has just turned 16 and has always lived with me (partner, who is his biological grandad, worked away) and he and his grandad hate each other, poor boy can't do anything right as far as his grandad is concerned. Younger 2 grandchildren, 6 & 4 aren't resented so much but he moans they turn the house upside down and they say the worst thing about Nanna's is grandad ?
I can't really offer any advice just sympathy

Is there something your husband likes to do that he could do with his GA? A bit of gardening, washing the car, cleaning shoes, jigsaws? My husband has even been known to bake a cake mix with the GC.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

You’re just going to have to ignore him I’m afraid... by walking on eggshells when your grandson is there you’re pandering to your husbands intolerance and I believe childish petulance... Don’t !! You’ve got every right to have your GS with you so be strong and have fun.... I’m quite sure that when he sees that his “tantrums” aren’t affecting you anymore he’ll change tack ... I think he needs treating like a child more than your GS !!

My husband loves our 4 year old granddaughter to bits and she is besotted with him but he still moans when we have her to stay or if she is naughty while she is with us. Makes it just that little bit harder for me to enjoy our time together. I usually spend a lot of one to one time with her to keep her amused

Some so called adults are really very spoilt children who don't tolerate competition. Is this whats going on here? Or is his behaviour completely out of character for him? If so something else is going on. Either way its a very difficult situation you and your grandchild are in if you cannot be in your own home and free to express yourselves. Something does need to change or your grandchild will grow up feeling unloved by older men. That should not happen.

My husband very rarely wants to have the grandchildren here, and if we go to them he wants to leave after an hour at most. Yet when he sees them he’s a great actor and they think he’s wonderful. My daughters and I know exactly what he’s like and we hate it, nag him, but put up with it. He can be a miserable old devil.

I think as your grandson gets older your husband will show interest in him. Sounds like your husband is set in his ways and used to his own routine and peace and quiet. My husband loves our grandchildren, although they are not biologically his. However he's never had his own children and is not used to babies and toddlers. My sons were grown up when we met. I have 6 grandchildren. He found it difficult to cope with them when they were babies, but is marvellous with the older ones (5+).
If this is the only problem you have with your husband it seems a shame to risk losing the marriage. I too looked after all the grandchildren one day a week, but not all at the same time! The eldest is 18, the youngest 1, I used to take them out as much as possible, to toddler clubs, helping me on my allotment, when the weather was bad we stayed in doing cooking, painting.crafts. My husband used to retreat to his office in the attic. I never pressured him into being grandad, but he used to sometimes spontaneously play with them. They would seek him out in his attic and chat to him. The relationship developed naturally. Perhaps it might help not to expect him to be involved, don't blame him, don't make it a source of stress. I bet he'll come round and become warmer towards them. My grandchildren love my husband now and know he's not their real grandad, but accept him as an extra one and he's very fond of them.

I have a similar problem! Very upsetting for my daughter who is pregnant and just needs the break one day a week. As I have always worked in Early Years my husband knew I would love grandchildren, but now makes very little effort to build a relationship with his grandson. Very like his mother with our children which really upset him at the time. I am ignoring it and getting on enjoying the precious time myself - his loss in the end!

First of all do try to involve him by putting out things he could do with the little child., read him a story (just while I make you a nice cup of coffee, dear etc etc) If that fails to engage him then leave him in peace with the newspaper- he's just being a selfish old man who wants your undivided attention !! It's not at all positive to tell him that though so leave him be ... he's the one missing the fun of a small child's development ! Men are babies after all so he probably does resent your giving attention to the little one. Too bad.
You could try mentioning to him (not arguing) that Mrs X is having a terrible time with Mr X who seems to resent her having care of their little grandson and leave it at that - The X story doesn't have to be true by the way, just make it up to suit your ends. It might a) give him pause for thought as to how he doesn't want to be like that now does he and b) that he hates to think that women talk about him in a less than wonderful light ! Good luck. Stay cheerful and don't bother your DD with all this.

Tell him to grow up and stop sulking because your grandson is getting some of your attention. He is an adult after all. I'm sure he can forget about his own misery for a while,it might help him too if you think he is depressed.

What was grandad like as a father? Was he equally as detached and disinterested?

Have you space in the house to turn a room into a playroom for the little one?

At our time of life, our homes are just not suitable for a one year old, there is far too much they mustn't toúch etc.

Then your husband wouldn't have to have the child near him, which I would think would benifit you all.

I think a lot of grandfathers feel that they just do not want to go back to looking after toddlers. Probably, your husband will be fine with his grandchild in a year or so.

I’d be sending grandad in another room, not you and grandson. Think you need to stand your ground with this, he sounds grumpy and set in his ways with no compromising. It’s your home to, tell him the day before what activities your planning and tell him you’d appreciate him staying out the way in another room if he doesn’t like it. Be assertive with him. Good luck.

This situation could have been written by a friend of mine. Eventually she found out that, basically, he'd tolerated their children (despite putting on a good "front") and when they'd left home was looking forward to having her to himself again and full of ideas about things they could do together. When she offered to look after their little grandson during the week whilst son and DIL were at work, he was secretly furious and became quite offhand and irritable with him (rather than speaking up at the beginning). He said that he felt that he hadn't been consulted and wouldn't have said yes to it, and that he hadn't seen his retirement this way. They came to a compromise (grandson went to a nursery 3 days a week, and they had him 2 days a week) but when grandson was there, husband went out!

Elaine you sound so lovely

Maybe once little one is talking, grandad will be more interested?

Hang in there - 1 year olds are hard work and maybe your husband is feeling a bit tentative because of his hip disability. He may actually be scared he will trip him up or something. My husband has always been pretty good with all his grandchildren but left the baby ones to me. Once your 1 year old grandson becomes a bit bigger it might be a whole new story. I know that my husband became very involved once he could have a proper reactive conversation with them and once sport came into the picture they were up and away. I think as the child becomes older things may improve! Good Luck !

Really sorry you are faced with this problem but my sympathies are firmly with you. We all have preferences in life about what we would like to happen. Once we grow up we can respect that others require different things to make them happy. If his views on small children are different he doesn't have to follow you around shouting his displeasure. He can make arrangements with you so that he doesn't have to be present when the child is around either by using different parts of the house or being out during in visiting times. Current behaviour sounds very like making your time together so unpleasant that the baby doesn't visit - bullying to get his own way. Go out with the baby for a while, avoid him when you are indoors, if you're shouted at just reply quietly and calmly that he is causing an unnecessary problem. Hold your ground with looking after your grandchild. These are a few precious years and you don't get a second chance!

Sounds as though he might be jealous of the grandchild. Men can be so strange at times!