Gransnet forums


Do I love my grandson too much ?

(42 Posts)
Notjustaprettyface Tue 03-Nov-20 18:56:41

As you probably remember , I posted recently to say how much I loved having my grandson round but was having trouble with my husband who is somewhat a reluctant grandad ,
I have been grateful for all your replies and now , I am posting to say that I sometimes wonder if i love my grandchild too much ?
What I mean by that is that I love seeing him etc but realise that in a few years time, he will have another life and I am worried that I wont know what to do with mine , having lost what is giving me a focus now
I haven’t got a great marriage and at the moment , can’t join groups etc because of COVID
Has anybody had similar feelings about their grandchildren ?
Would love to hear from you

Luckygirl Tue 03-Nov-20 19:06:32

It sounds a bit as though you are absorbing your OH's message. Is this really what you think, or what you are being fed by your OH?

Enjoy this wee lad while he is little - it lasts so short a time - and cross future bridges when you get to them.

sodapop Tue 03-Nov-20 19:25:57

That's right Luckygirl enjoy the here and now and don't worry about the future.

Bridgeit Tue 03-Nov-20 19:26:46

You can’t love any one too much , love is love, BUT it should never dominate your life, a few years time is a few years time.
You need to spread your ‘focus’ on a number of additional & alternative time fillers. perhaps time to address what you want to do about your marriage, best wishes

Hithere Tue 03-Nov-20 19:29:52

"What I mean by that is that I love seeing him etc but realise that in a few years time, he will have another life and I am worried that I wont know what to do with mine , having lost what is giving me a focus now"

You have time now to find a compatible focus so when your gc grows up, you still hold to your own identity

Callistemon Tue 03-Nov-20 20:04:32

This won't last for ever and I hope you'll be able to join clubs, meet new friends when we're allowed to do so.

I hope your grandson will always be an important part of your life but he will, inevitably, make friends who will become important to him, perhaps move away, so you do need to find new interests.

MissAdventure Tue 03-Nov-20 20:11:09

I would imagine we all love our grandchildren more or less as much as the next person, so no, I don't think anyone loves theirs more or too much.

It's healthy to keep it in perspective, though.

vegansrock Tue 03-Nov-20 20:12:56

What about your own (adult) children? Don’t you love seeing them? Or is just because your GS is little and cute that you love him? Seems like you need to refocus a bit.

Notjustaprettyface Tue 03-Nov-20 21:13:08

Hello vegans rock
Yes I do enjoy seeing my adult children but if I am completely honest , not as much as I enjoy seeing my grandson
Yes it maybe because he is cute and little , I don’t know but I am aware of this and feel a bit guilty about it

DillytheGardener Tue 03-Nov-20 21:33:31

I wouldn’t think he (grandson) will just suddenly have ‘his own life’ if you have forged a solid early bond. I’m not close to my mother in law, but she did develop a close relationship to both my sons, who still up until they moved abroad, would visit her every Sunday . One is late twenties one mid twenties. I would ditch the husband, sounds like he is only causing you anxiety and pain.

MissAdventure Tue 03-Nov-20 21:35:36

A while back there was a thread asking if love for grandchildren was stronger than that felt for our children.

The answers were very interesting, and all different.

If it's any consolation, my grandson became a teen a few days ago, and he is definitely not cute anymore!

Hithere Tue 03-Nov-20 21:39:31

"my grandson became a teen a few days ago, and he is definitely not cute anymore!"


MissAdventure Tue 03-Nov-20 21:40:55

Oh, are the men in your life still cute, then? wink

GagaJo Tue 03-Nov-20 21:51:55

I adore my GS. I have a very full life but he is so important to me. I'm not able to see him because I am working away and it's causing me (and him) so much distress.

I hate missing out on this time. Soon he'll be bigger and not interested in his granny.

Septimia Tue 03-Nov-20 21:54:53

I feel very strongly about my DGD but can't see her as often as I would like because of the physical distance that separates us. However, there seems to have been a bond between us since she was tiny and which tugs my heartstrings. I try to make the most of the things that we can do.

When I think back to my own grandparents, who died when I was a child, my memories are of love and kindness. So my aim is that my DGD will think back, when she's an adult, and remember the good and happy relationship that we've enjoyed. That, I think, is a great legacy.

Callistemon Tue 03-Nov-20 22:19:22

If it's any consolation, my grandson became a teen a few days ago, and he is definitely not cute anymore!
MissA just for you

BlueBelle Tue 03-Nov-20 22:37:50

I don’t think you can love some one too much but you can overdo the adoration which is totally different
Yes he will grow up and might (hopefully) irritate you or much worse but that’s the future if you adore him to the loss of everything else you will do him nor yourself any favours Like everything else in life less is more like a good bottle of wine a couple of glasses are much better for you than a couple of bottles
Love him but love other things and people as well or you lose the well rounded Nan that I m sure you are
I love all my grandchildren but I ve always had a lot of life outside of them so although I miss them now they are all teenagers o have lots to concentrate on and if I do get a surprise call or present it’s a big surprise and a big bonus

Perhaps your husband is a reluctant bystander because you hold the prime position and there’s no room for him to be in the child’s life so he may as well retreat

MissAdventure Tue 03-Nov-20 23:16:17

*Callistemon" smile
Yep, that's how it is now.

Callistemon Tue 03-Nov-20 23:17:45

DGS too
You gotta love 'em grin

Callistemon Tue 03-Nov-20 23:18:08


Txquiltz Wed 04-Nov-20 03:25:55

Love every moment you share with him. Of course, he will grow up, but he will never forget this time with you.

M0nica Wed 04-Nov-20 07:26:23

You can love your grandchildren without them being the be-all and end-all of your life. COVID limitations will end at some point and we will be able to get out and mix again. mean while spend time investigating online what activities are around in your area and what you would enjoy doing. Perhaps having developed an interest you could follow it online during lockdown.

Notjustaprettyface Wed 04-Nov-20 09:40:15

Hi MissAdventure
Was that post in the grand parenting forum ?
Do you remember roughly when ?
I d love to read it

MissAdventure Wed 04-Nov-20 16:16:30

It was quite a while ago, and I'm not sure where it was posted.
I'm a mine of useless, half remembered information, I'm afraid.
There is a search option, but it never seems to work for me.

Nanna58 Sun 08-Nov-20 17:57:13

I have one grandchild DGS and like you notjustaprettyface he is the absolute light of my life. He will be my only grandchild so I make no apologies for absolutely adoring him and spending as much time as possible looking after him whilst DD works . We have an extraordinary bond that will change as he grows but won’t disappear and I am fully aware that I won’t be such a big part of his life and that’s ok. Because I will have had the most wonderful times with him and will treasure that forever.:My longwinded way of saying no - you can’t love him too much, just enjoy every second