Are they insensitive?

That said, a photo of the child could have been sent to just you of the child wearing the sleep suit. That would be nice.

I too have made or bought things for grandchildren, never to see them again. I wasn't going to bother again until the 6yr old asked me to knit him a red sweater with pockets and a hood, like Alvin in the Chipmonks!

I too am getting upset over stuff , so I may be with you OP on this one,
It's ever since these lockdowns, before I was pretty laid-back , now the slightest thing upsets me !

I can understand your upset, Antonia. You did put a lot of time into making it. I once made a cot blanket for a new born in our family. A few weeks later, I visited, and found the cot blanket was in the dogs bed. That was upsetting at the time, a few years ago, and I thought it insensitive. Why not just donate to a mother and baby charity. Now, I realise, the dog, since died, enjoyed it as he had arthritis in his hips. I never bothered to make them anything again. These days the mother insists on designer clothes for the kids. I wont be paying for that.lol

Very talented,probably yours was too big,in the wash or waiting to be folded after washing and not back in with babies clothes.That was a lovely present to make,I spent a lot of time cutting the feet portion off one of my grandchildren’s sleepers
Your daughter is just probably so busy and so tired at present and just thought I’ll just take a quick picture of baby because she looks so cute,more pictures will follow,probably in your suit,don’t feel sad you did a brilliant job.

I think it would have been nice if your Daughter had taken a photograph of the said sleep suit,to say thank you to you.
Dont think about it anymore, the next photo might be of the lovely suit you made.

Antonia - I would be!

I've stopped buying my step grandson clothes because
I have never seen him wearing any of them - let alone seeing a photo of him in them.

Antonia - you thought you daughter was 'insensitive', you found it 'upsetting', it left you with a 'sour taste'. This is all very ego-centred language. It would help you to try to put yourself in your daughter's shoes and explore the many other interpretations around this instagram photo rather than feeling slighted over something which is actually nothing. And this isn't a 'harsh' posting, it's just a matter of pure objectivity coming from a psychotherapist who sees the need for much greater empathy in human relationships. .

it's just a matter of pure objectivity coming from a psychotherapist who sees the need for much greater empathy in human relationships.
The greater empathy could have come from the person who posted the photo!
You weren't the one who spent a week doing the sewing.
something which is actually nothing.
It wasn't nothing to me.

OP, if I may ask, is it that you haven’t had a pic of your GC wearing the thing you made at all that’s upset you? What would have been your ideal here? Not trying to be harsh at all I genuinely don’t understand what the root of your upset is. Was it the fact that she wore something else on her birthday?
The reason I ask is that your DD will probably do something like this again and unknowingly upset you. If it were my mum this upset over something relatively small I’d be really annoyed with myself and want to avoid doing that, especially when she obviously does value your seamstress skills given she asked you to make her the pyjamas.

My mum kindly bought and made some nice clothes for my children,looked lovely on the photographs but some were so beautiful and carefully made that they were too nice for everyday.
So some photographs were taken but most were the garden,playing in sand,gardening,water Play etc.
We did have some photographs with the clothes,and sent them,but I hope she didn't feel hurt that we didn't take more.

Please don't feel upset,and

Your daughter obviously likes your sewing,or she would not have asked,and your granddaughter is probably really happy grandma made it specially for her.
I know I am much more emotional and sensitive now,like so many I haven't seen most of my family for 9-10 months now, as they live a long way away,really miss them all.

41Lolo81

OP, if I may ask, is it that you haven’t had a pic of your GC wearing the thing you made at all that’s upset you? What would have been your ideal here?
Thank you for your comment. No, it wasn't the fact that I didn't have a photo of her wearing it. I had already seen her wearing it, and both DD and DGD loved it.
I was annoyed (actually, not nearly as upset as I might appear to be in this thread. I could have used different words, such as 'irritated,') because I had been told that DGD specifically wanted a sleepsuit with feet because she hated the ones without them - I had made one, and she was wearing one that was very similar, same colour but without feet. I wouldn't have minded at all if she'd been wearing something completely different like a nightie.
Maybe it was in the wash.

i bet it never even crossed her mind who made/ paid for what item of clothing.
surely a birthday pic is to celebrate the person whose b'day it is, not to give kudos to the donor of the kit, as if the child is merely as model for the latest clothes to be paraded.
sorry OP, but it does sound like a gift with strings. agreed you worked hard on the piece, but that was your choice. you could have scoured websites to find such an item instead. but you would probably have the same expectations surrounding due acknowledgement. it sounds rather feudal to me, like having to butter up a patron.
i think your expectations are unrealistic. don't take offence where none is given. it will make you unhappy.

welbeck it almost pains me to say it, but I think you have a point! (Except for the feudal bit).

Yes it is insensitive. I was unemployed but saved up to buy my nephew clothes for his birthday, but NEVER saw him in anything I bought! She often put him in clothes her boss bought, but they were designer clothes. I felt upset by it too,

No I don't think your family is insensitive I think you are oversensitive

fairplay to you OP.
cheers !

I think you are fully entitled to be a bit niggled. It wasn't very thoughtful of your daughter (in law ?). Just not a thing to mention to her as its not worth creating tension.

Think about it - maybe the person gifting that pj would be so flattered it was her/his present that it was on the picture

So what makes you unhappy makes another person happy

Following this logic too - any picture that is uploaded into social media is a minefield of hurt with very few winners

Should the person posting the pics on social media have a scheduled rotation to make everybody happy? I think it is an insane idea

My daughter uses social media to post a picture for those people who have sent presents or that she won't see again for a long time. By the time they meet again the child will have grown and that's too late. Much nicer if they can see a baby or child wearing the present.

I have knitted some beautiful cardigans and jumpers for my DGD when she was a baby. I have made a beautiful quilt for her. My DD never used any of the knitwear. That's ok. It's my DDs daughter not mine. As for the quilt well it's too small for her bed now. No problem. I know I made them and that it gave me happiness when I did.

When DGD was about 2 or 3, I knitted her a cotton yarn sun dress. It took me ages to complete and I proudly handed it over to DIL when it was finished but I never saw DGD wearing it. Months went by before I casually mentioned the dress. DIL showed me a photo they'd taken of DGD wearing what looked like a green and white striped suit of armour. The sheer weight of it was more than the poor mite could hold up; it buried her! We had a good laugh about it and I've stuck to jumpers and cardigans ever since. If they don't wear them, or find a use for them, that's fine. Don't sweat the small stuff Antonia.

My much loved MiL said she would knit a sweater for DS when he was about 6. We had a long discussion about colour and style, envelope neck (DS had a big head) and in an old gold. Very nice, just what he needed

When it arrived, it was day glo orange and had a V neck - and hat and scarf to match! DS looked at it and went white A little later he whispered in my ear, 'Mummy will I have to wear it to school?'. I said 'No'. After DMiL went home it was put in a drawer.

The next time DMiL visited, DS said, shall I wear Grandma''s sweater, she will like it and no-one else will see me in it.' The scarf and hat were never worn.

kircubbin2000

Ocean mama. Why would you wash new clothes?

Because there are often residual dyes in the fabric and new clothes can sometimes be treated with chemicals. Everything gets washed before they are worn to at least go some way towards removing these.