Speak up or shut up!

Id say "yes we did but weve made up now so dont need to go over it again im sure" - if her mum has made up with you then she has probably taken your GD to task over it already, which is why she is quick to dismiss it.Hopefully.

I'm with phoenix on this.

Just those two questions and then Listen, listen, listen to what the child says.

Make your choices from the Information you are given by your DGD in answer to those two questions.

Please Don't make your choices going forward using

The dialogue that's in your head

What has been said by others.

What has been said in the past.

What is in your head will most likely be driven by the hurt you have felt and may still be feeling.

That is sad but dealing with this from a Feeling position won't help.

Get into Thinking you'll Feel better and will have more control in the situation.

If you need to buy yourself "Thinking" time when your DGD has given you any answer you can use "that's interesting" as a holding statement.

Even if your DGD fudges/avoids an answer there is 'Information" in that.

May be she feels sorry, shamed, powerful, powerful - that she can bring about disruption - children don't often feel powerful.

May be she was "parroting" what had been said to her when she spoke to you the way she did.

Asking her about her behaviour "what do you think of the situation Now" is massive.

But most of all Be Gentle with you, your DGD and your DD. Don't force things, life is difficult enough and whatever the rights and wrongs, the should and oughts of the situation you still have a relationship with your family.

That's important, good luck.

Sounds like a child truing to provoke another reaction. I'd ignore these attempts and change the subject

I am sure every child in the world has said something they should not have at some time. You are making a mountain out of a mole hill me thinks. Best forgotten.

If I was going to say anything, I might say something like, "Yes, I do remember it because I was very hurt at the time but I have decided to put it behind me. However, if you want to talk about how you felt, I am ready to listen." Let her say what she wants to say, then if it is contentious and you can't discuss it without an argument, pass it off with a, "I'm sorry you feel that way, it looks like we'll have to agree to differ." You never know, if you listen with an open mind, you might find that she reacted the way she did because of something you did which she was hurt about. If that is the case, you can ask her what she thinks would be a better way to resolve things without an argument. I have found that with my grandaughter who has behavioural problems, that when we get to the bottom of why she reacted as she did, we can work out a strategy of how to avoid the argue in the first place. I see it as a way for her to learn how to negotiate her way through difficult relationships throughout life.

Phoenix and BS46, very profound and moving. Thanks I'll try to tuck your sagacity into the recesses of my mind lest I'm ever in that rotten situation.

It’s best not to react to this rude and I’ll-disciplined child. She sounds thoroughly spoilt to me, and will probably never change.

Try saying "Of course I remember, how can I forget because you upset me very much but let's put it behind us now and be kind to each other." She had to learn that words can hurt, she's old enough to know what she's doing.

Aepgirl :I think you have hit the nail on the head, sadly

Kids like to push the boundaries a bit sometimes. I would say something like "Yes. I was upset by what you said, but I've forgotten about it now. So let's both forget about it, shall we?" And change the subject.

I would leave it as long as possible, certainly while in lockdown etc. We don’t have the capacity to sort things out at the moment, as we usually would, and could make it worse. I remember once, having an argument with my husband before he went away, ( for work). We could have tried to talk in ‘bits’, when he phoned during the week, but I preferred to just leave it until he was back, and we could talk properly, and sort it for good. If your granddaughter persists, repeat how much you love her, and how you’d love to see her properly when all this is over. I’m just worried you could get dragged into a further mess. Ultimately, your daughter should be dealing with her. You say yourself, that social distancing has helped to smooth it over. Let it get a bit smoother?

Would say Yes I do then ask GD if it made her feel good speaking to you as she did and who else she speaks to like that. Her response will give you a huge insight to your GDs view of you and her total lack of respect, would also say your DDs too! You can choose your friends but not your relations as the saying goes.

I don't think it would do any harm to let her know that you were hurt by what she said by the way she spoke to you , by gently pointing out that it made you very sad and so you don't want to talk about it any more.

If the subject comes up again I think I would say I was upset at the time but that we are friends again now. With a phrase like "mind your own business" I almost wonder if she heard someone say it (mum?) and rather liked the sound of it and tried it out on you. I have found children can be quite fascinated by the sound of words and phrases whilst having no idea of the exact meanings! You can take comfort from the fact that she certainly knows she upset you otherwise she wouldn't keep raising it. I suppose there is a slight possibility she enjoyed the row but I do hope not.

Things have to be dealt with at the time of happening then return to 'normal', Otherwise the molehill becomes a mountain!! Yes, I know it's the wrong way round!

Yes but I still love you.

I totally agree with you 25Avalon,I think this little girl was trying to emulate something she had seen on TV or heard,
as others have said.

If she mentions it again I would say yes I remember as I was very upset, but I love you so much I think we should forget about it unless you want to explain what had caused you to
say what you said, if she wants too then listen but make no judgment,
it seems to me as she is bringing it so much and as others have said it may have been bothering her during
the lockdowns when she hasn’t had other things ie school etc to occupy her mind.
That would be my way if any of my 9 grandchildren had said anything like that to me.
but mainly make sure you tell you will always love her and give her a cuddle.
I really hope everything turns out well for you both

I think I would err on the side of caution, and apply the ‘ least said soonest mended approach’. Your granddaughter is still very young, and if your daughter could get some discipline in order, this time next year, she may be totally different. As toad, said, it’s not a good time to embark on what could be major discussions.

If she mentions it again say something like - 'Yes I remember that, but we were silly weren't we'.

In my view, life is about truth about oneself and others and, in offering only open questions to your grand daughter, you would help her in the way of what truth is about. If her mother is not built like that, at least you would wake up a healthier approach to life for this child who is soon becoming an adolescent - when life does become really complex. Help her.

BlacSheep46 - nailed it

I have witnessed this kind of behaviour with relatives. A child of eight is very adept at repeating something they have heard. It’s your daughter you need to speak too. If her daughter is allowed to answer back now God knows what kind of teenager she will be. You don’t have to be argumentative but firm. Maybe when things get back to normal don’t be as easily available or as generous as you may have been in the past. It’s difficult to stand your ground with loved ones but sometimes it pays off.

If she's like one of my GD's she watches all those awful America teenage shows where the children are really obnoxious ,rude and entitled.
I have sat and watched the odd one with her and we share how bad these young teens behave and the way they speak to adults .
Sadly a lot of tweens watch them without any adults around and think its OK to behave like that.Children often take more notice of their peer group than their family .its not new .If she tries to speak with an American accent or dots her speech with american words...my GD always calls nappies Diapers for instance thats where its coming from

Let sleeping dogs lie. Your GD clearly cannot 'let it go' and though you want to respond then to keep the peace all it needs from yourself is 'that's water under the bridge'
I would imagine you are very close to your DD.Have you ever given thought to the fact GD may resent the closeness that exists between yourself and her mother ?? This would not be unusual but have a word with DD and take it from there.

Can't you just say, "that's all in the past now. You're a nice polite girl now aren't you?" Certainly don't open it all up again, and don't descend to the child's level.