Speak up or shut up!

It turned into an almighty family row

As she is mentioning the row, rather than her comments, perhaps that is what's bothering her - the big argument between adults.

Thinking of my own DGD, if that happened I'd say something like "Yes, we did all get a bit upset that day. Is it bothering you?".

I think she's worried about the rowing part of it as she isn't sure what the result of it has been, for the adults.

It'd be an idea to talk to your daughter about it, in any case.
If you are both skirting around it, and it hasn't been resolved in any way, I expect your DGD is picking up on that.

This little girl is testing boundaries and she is practicing emotional manipulation setting one adult against another. Don't let her see you are still upset, or she will continue in this line of behaviour. She is a child. Don't react to her as if she was an adult. As others have advised, move past it and do not engage in any conversation about the incident, or it will only encourage her. I would almost be inclined to say, "No, I don't remember that. Now, let's go and (make those mince pies etc.)

I'm afraid I'd be inclined to fix her with a steady look, smile sweetly and say "Well I may do, but I think that's my business and nothing to do with you." She's playing power games with you and your DD.

Don't bring up how hurt you were, with your granddaughter.
She probably felt horrified that a big argument was the result of her silly comments.

Let it go! We have a saying in my family ‘never argue about arguments’.

Aepgirl

It’s best not to react to this rude and I’ll-disciplined child. She sounds thoroughly spoilt to me, and will probably never change.

That’s quite nasty about a child.

Goodness

BlueBelle/Lucca,you are spot on.

I’d just say “No”, or not hear the question (selective hearing isn’t just the prerogative of the young!)
If your daughter is quick to dismiss it, that’s progress.
Hope things stay peaceful.

youtu.be/4HFhJ5FP_LY

You are the best judge of why, and how, your granddaughter is asking the question. I think you said she was on her best behaviour following the row, and you weren't seeing too much of her, so she may be testing the water to see where she stands with you.
If she asks you directly, I would simply say 'yes I do' in as noncommittal a tone as possible and wait for her response. I get the impression you think she is pushing the boundaries to test you and mummy won't intervene, but she may be looking to get back in your good graces and hoping it is all over.
You were upset by her rudeness and hopefully she is beginning to realise the consequences.

Granjenny - you say that your GD "brought it up on a couple of occasions" and then that "she keeps mentioning it". So you need to be clear in your head whether this is something that's been mentioned just twice and some time ago, or an ongoing would-be topic of conversation. Either way, the event has bothered her and she's trying to make sense of it.

If it's repeated several times then it may be that your GD is looking for forgiveness and it would be important for her to know that she has this otherwise it will become a 'thing' and your relationship will take a dive.

I would ask what she's thinking about the row if/when she mentions it again, and reach a mutual understanding about what upset you both, and then emphasise that it's forgotten.

If your DGD keeps mentioning it, then she obviously wants or needs to discuss it, so it certainly shouldn't be ignored or brushed away. If you do, then she may feel that she can never talk to you about anything that is on her mind. So do talk to her about it, but in a very gentle and loving away. Ask her what she remembers about it, why she thinks it happened etc. If appropriate and it seems right, then tell her that at the time it hurt and was upsetting but that you absolutely love her and that you know that sometimes people say hurtful things without meaning to. Whatever you do, down be or sound angry or resentful. It should be talked about simply because she wants to. Then it can be put to bed.

I suggest that you say that, because you love her, you will draw a curtain over the incident as you know she usually such a lovely granddaughter and tyou think you would both rather go forward without it hanging over your relationship.

I do agree with blacksheep. I think she might be worrying about what happened and what she said. Best to take that view anyway and reassure her that you love her.

It turned into an almighty family row ????????
this child does wield some power in a household, made me think of what my own daughters when they were children used to mumble when stomping up the stairs after a nagging or telling off or even " your hair looks nice" or" could you run over to the shop ". Its never turned into a family row, my grandsons do the same mumbling whilst stomping off or refusing to even talk to me. So my "rude" girls grew up, one a schoolteacher, one a London black cabbie, one works with the probation services. All with teenage children now, do we have family rows? Never, do I remember every rude comment ? NO. life's too short and I'm too
busy.

OR......maybe she's recently realised that Christmas is just around the corner ?

I remember the post about your Granddaughter and her rude behaviour towards you and that your Daughter was not correcting her for it. I hope your Granddaughter has been ok with you since the family row...you should not have to put up with that behaviour from a young child and your daughter should correct her. If your Granddaughter is still bringing the subject up of the row..I would probably say to her next time " Is it bothering you? Then listen to what she has to say and take it from there...you will then know how to deal with it x

If the subject is brought up, ask her if she would like to talk about it and how she feels about it now. I wouldn’t say we’ve moved on as she might feel dismissed. There is a book called non-violent communication which may prove useful.

She's baiting you. She may only be eight but I think she enjoyed a sense of power from the 'big family argument' that resulted from her bad behaviour and will do it again, given the chance. If she was worried about your feelings she would apologise, she's not, she's sounding you out, probably considers you a soft target. Either put her down straight away and say "Yes, I rememer it. It's not a happy memory, and I hope you have learned how wrong it is to be rude to other people, especially your grandparents." End of conversation. OR "That's in the past now, lets move on and not speak of it again." Then change the subject completely. Speak to your DD and ask her what your GD has said about the incident since then. If the child has shown no remorse for her behaviour then she will more than likely do it again.

I think I'd try and move the discussion on. Just say something to your GD like "yes, I remember but we're friends again now and that's what matters".

Your daughter probably feels embarrassed and that's why she seems dismissive.

So much disdain for a small child who likely wants to talk it out with her gran.

I’d talk to her and see how she is feeling. Be honest that you were hurt at her rudeness. Work together to figure out communication going forward.

I think all the advice to ignore her and brush her off is actually dangerous as it leads to rug sweeping later in life.

It could be a powerplay. It could also be that as a child she's trying to but in on an adult conversation as she wants attention. Her mother should put her in her place but sounds like she won't. If she brings it up again in her mother's presence just ignore it. If you were alone with her then I'd say something to her.

This is a thoroughly depressing thread to read about a young child. I wish I hadn’t read it.

I always told my children that I loved them very much - but sometimes I didn't like their behaviour.

I'd always forgive them quickly, though, as obviously, being children, they were still learning.

So, I'd let it go completely, unless she brought it up.

In that case, I'd just say 'Don't worry, it's all forgiven. You're only eight, so still learning.'

Each family has it's own rules (maybe strict or very relaxed) but it's a big mistake to expect others to have your rules.

So many people on here taking nasty, judgemental attitudes - to an 8-yr old child.