Moving nearer children/grandchildr en

My family is split between the north and the south so to move to be nearer one would make me further away from the other so a move in case I needed a bit more support wouldn't fit. Also both live in very expensive areas, no way would I be able to buy even a flat. You sound as if you have invested a lot in your current home perhaps that's what's keeping you back. The type of property you may look for now may be totally different from that that you consider once you slow down on your sailing and travelling. Perhaps wait a few years and enjoy what you have, where you are, sounds idealic.

We moved from Brighton to Devon 2 years ago leaving our only DS, DDL & only GS. We used to baby sit him every weekend as they both worked unsociable hours. We lived about an hour from them before but at least saw them every week when they popped GS to us. Down here we’ve found the journey too far and awkward. DH had 2 knee replacements before coming down here and I need both done now which have suddenly got a lot worse in the past year. I’m only 64 but I found moving, sorting a new house, having work done and decorating etc exhausting when we moved here 2 years ago but now we are doing it all over again to move back to Sussex. DS and family didn’t come down as often as they would have liked due to work and affording the long journey, nor did friends who promised to visit (and then along came COVID) our DGS misses us badly as there’s no other family and we miss not only family but friends also as we haven’t made any in Devon. We had a lovely bungalow before in a brilliant location but trying to move back has had its problems, we’ve lost money on property prices as it’s much more expensive even after 2 years, we are having to compromise on what we’re buying but the plus side will be we will only be 20 minutes from DS and his family (handy for us and them babysitting and knees done etc), I get to see our friends and family again plus to be honest I know how exhausting it is to move and would rather it be now than in ten years from now as I don’t want to miss anymore of GS growing up. Time flies too quickly. One last thing my DH is a few years older than me and I’d rather move in case something happens to one of us so we have families support if needed. Good luck in whatever you decide to do.

MaryMary62 - my husband and I are in our sixties. I’ve wanted to move nearer to my daughter for some time. We’ve been trying for the past 9 months. Not an easy move for us as like you DD lives in a more expensive county. Although they are only an hour away (on a good day on the M25!) this can extend easily to 3 hours quite regularly. I’d love to be nearer and am beginning to hate the drive. As my daughter says she doesn’t want to have to do that when we get older - and I completely understand that as we did it for our parents. I feel if we make the move now we are young enough to re settle together and make a new life. The actual property side is difficult as like you we renovated our home and spent much time love and money on it. Finding something we like and that is sensible has proved difficult plus our house buying system is so flawed it’s not very easy. Good luck to you - hope whatever you decide it goes well.

We live in Chesterfield, 13 miles from Sheffield and on the edge of the Peak District. Our three children and four grandchildren all live locally the furthest in Sheffield. Property prices in our small market town are much cheaper than Sheffield and we are close to a main line station and the M1. I 'm an only child and am originally from Birmingham. My parents moved up here when my Dad was 71 and had 12 good years until his death. My Mum although much younger was by then suffering from dementia and my children were very young. Thank God she was close to us, I don't know how I would have coped otherwise. This is a lovely area and worth considering, having said that we love Northumberland as our daughter was at uni in Newcastle. Easy to visit though. One slight word of warning 're moving as you may become tied into childcare so less able to enjoy your freedom as much, as I know from experience. Good luck whatever choice you make.

marymary62 - we were in almost the situation as you. We lived in an area we loved with lots of activities to keep us busy but our two DDs and families lived near to each other just under 100 miles away. We were able to rent a house close to them for 6 months which was long enough to realise that for several reasons it was not where we wanted to be so we moved back. I strongly recommend renting.

I omitted to mention that we lost money on our house move, but that is the least of the considerations for me

and also,, bungalow

some years back, when younger, my mum lived with us , we moved to a bungalow to help her, she didn`t last much longer, and I didn`t adapt to bungalow life, like my bedroom window open when I can, weather permitting.

so also, stairs are good exercise ! so we are told, and I can, hopefully get a stair lift if and when necessary

just some more thoughts.

marymary62 we did exactly what you are contemplating doing when we were in our early sixties. Like you, having visited the AC/GC regularly we were well acquainted with the area we were considering moving to. Neither of us have ever regretted the decision to relocate. The AC were keen to have us move here and it has proved to be a mutually beneficial arrangement. Nothing about our 'old life' could compete with the benefits of being involved with the AC & GC. Having said that we do not live in each others pockets and have our own life and friends.

I also understand the difficulty of leaving a house which you have put so much of yourselves into. It was hard for us, but we realised that it was simply bricks and mortar which had been a fabulous family home, but the family were no longer there.

My advice would be to do it sooner rather than later so you have time to settle into a new community, make friends etc whilst you are still mobile. You sound as if you are outgoing people, so that shouldn't be a problem for you.

Another thing to consider. House prices tend to rise. We could just about afford to do it when we did, but if we had left it much later it would have been financially impractical.

By the way, moving into a bungalow is not compulsory! Good luck with your decision making.

I always said that when my daughter had children I would move 230 miles to where she lives. My beautiful gs is now 6 months old and I’ve changed my mind even though with Covid I have only seen him 3 times briefly. A few months ago a very good friend of mine asked if I really wanted to go as I would only know my daughter and sil in that area but here I have really good friends and family. It was then that I realised I didn’t want to move all that way as I’m not that good at making new friends. I think after a short while I would have felt very isolated. Although I’m missing my DD and gs at least I can keep in touch via video messaging and phone calls until Covid eases and I can visit again.

We are just in the process of moving to be closer to our children/grandson. We are in our 60's and have been talking about doing it for several years now. We've found a lovely house on the edge of the Cotswolds so lots of day trips are planned, when we are allowed to travel again as well as lots of time with the family.
We have lived in the same house for 37 years so move is quite stressful, solicitors move slowly and tell you nothing. Glad we are moving before we are older. Can't wait.

harrigran
How right you are. A neighbour of mine was contemplating selling her present home in the SW to move three hundred miles to be near DD living in the NE.
It came as a shock to hear SIL had been offered a job in NZ which he had no intention of refusing thinking of a better future for his family, being wife, two sons, seven and ten and a three year old daughter.

I am lucky in that my DS and DD all live in the same town as us and so does my SD. I only have one GS, who is 6 and I meet him from school every day and this afternoon I am going for a nice walk with him. I love being such a part of his life and before Covid, we all got together regularly for lunch at the pub. If anyone needs anything, we are all there for each other.

We lived in a lovely cottage in a rural area by a canal two miles from local shopping. My DD and SIL and amazing GS aged 4 lived two hour drive away (I don’t drive). I wanted to be involved with him and help out. I travelled by train on Sunday evenings and returned Tuesday evenings to look after him for two days the rest of the week he went to nursery. We decided to move when DH retired. Sold cottage right away which was a shock. Moved in with DD for a few months and found a lovely house ten minutes walk away. Lockdown came soon after so best decision we ever made. They are our bubble and GS is my best buddy. Couldn’t be happier.

My daughter and her children will be emigrating to the USA as soon asCovid allows. She is my only child and we adore her and our two gorgeous granddaughters BUT I would never dream of moving to be near them. They will have their own (hopefully happy) lives and we have ours. The granddaughters will get to an age that they will go off and do their own thing. I do not believe in following children around so we will be looked after in our dotage. If I need care, I will sell up and pay for it

My daughters live close to each other but 280 miles away from us in Cornwall. Every now and then I have a blitz looking at houses there on Rightmove but it's not a county to grow old in really. The cottage we already have in that area is down a mile of muddy track and the nearest shop is now a 3 mile drive. But having said all that, if I were you I'd do the Rightmove thing, keep up with absolutely everything that's for sale in the area you're considering. And if all else fails, give Kirsty and Phil a call and get them to find you something!

PS - I meant the daughters live in Cornwall, not us!

Put furniture into storage, rent out house, rent flat near kids for a year or so, once C19 over. Travel a lot. After a year or so of that the links with the house and area it's in will be weakened. You will have had fun travelling and you will find it easier to make permanent the move then if that is what you decide.

NB It's in your sixties and seventies you make the friends you meet through voluntary work. Also, chances are at least one of the two families will stay put.

We married late in life, we originally lived quite a long way from each other. We sold our family homes and bought a bungalow 10 miles away from his family and an apartment the same distance from mine. So we’re set for old age ( both 72) and set for being near family whichever one goes first. We spend a month or so in each, it’s great! It also meant we had to de-clutter now while we are fit instead of our kids having to do it when we go. We joined U3A to make new friends.

We're doing it! Both DDs live down south in same little town. Heartbreaking to leave beautiful family home on river bank, but it is not just us wanting to see them. We want to spare them the anxiety of our old age, charging up and down the A1 if we have a fall, are ill, get dementia etc. This move has been really sapping, packing up after 35 years in the same house is an enormous task, thank god the girls won't be having to do it for us had we stayed here. New house not nearly as beautiful, but will be ok, being helpful with GCs will mitigate any calls we may make later, though not wanting to be clingy at all. Girls both desperate for our support at the moment and nothing, no views, no friends who will hopefully still visit us, nothing at all is as precious as our time with our very small grandchildren. Wish us luck and good luck too to the OP

I’d suggest you move before you reach your 70s! We moved when in early 70s and it was the craziest thing we ever did! We have (sort of) settled now, (3 years on), my DH more so than me. We are nearer to our DCs and DGC but we don’t see that much more of them overall- just less travelling. Good luck with your decision

We moved 7 years ago in our 70s. We had a beautiful detached house with a lovely secluded garden. Two great daughters, one in the north and one in the south. Both happily married with two children each. Hard to choose but as we lived north it was the obvious choice to move further north as it meant I could still see my friends. However, what we didn’t bargain for was the exorbitant house prices! We ended up buying an apartment with a balcony in a conservation area with a view. BUT we miss our old garden SO much. There is nothing like being able to step off your own door step onto a patio for a coffee or glass of wine! We are happy enough now but it took a long time to adjust. The bonus is being able to see one family within walking distance but have to travel by train to see the others. Good luck, whatever you decide to do. Xx

We’re the other way round. DH desperately wants to move away but I want to stay near family and friends. We’re early 70s

Anneeba I could have written your post. I hope that your move is as successful for you as ours was for us. Good luck.

Thanks so much to everyone who has contributed here - such a wide range of experiences and opinions, as expected, but all heartfelt and kind. Lots of great ideas and suggestions, plenty of realism and many words of good hope ! Covid has put paid to any immediate
decisions and we will just be glad to get through it all with family unscathed ! Meanwhile we will get on with jobs that need doing, tend the garden and keep on top of the de-cluttering ! Having moved from the ‘family’ home 12 years ago we got rid of a lot of stuff but it’s all crept in again not least because I have had all my mother’s possessions to deal with plus what seems like thousands of my dad’s slides etc etc - they were only in a bungalow for the last 20 years of their life so I have no idea why there was so much ....... I have to say that doing a 3 hour twice weekly round trip to help care for her was both joyful and stressful - I would spare my daughters that but it may not happen for 30 years (mum was 94). I am definitely going to follow them to New Zealand if they go though ??

Funny how we are all different we moved away because they were to close and we were too handy we never had time for ourselves, constantly baby sitting, helping out and financially availiable.
Now we see them for quality time and enjoyment when they come to stay.l cannot tell you how many friends have said they wished they could move away to have a retirement, its more common than you think.So much better! But each to their own just be warned visiting and being on hand 24/7 is not all its cracked up to be.

We moved - just 80 miles - and are now near both children and grandchildren. In lockdown it is easy to see them, or some of them, for garden visits, drop things off, walk in the area.
But we moved for several reasons, not just to be near family. We made careful choices, future proofing our life, good transport, nearby shops, doctor etc., level access ( our drive was very steep before ), downstairs shower room if we need it.
It did mean that GC no longer came to stay for a few days, which I missed, but as they are now teenagers and with busy lives they probably wouldn't have wanted to now.
WE moved when we were in our mid sixties and DH said "Never again" as it was a huge upheaval to cope with physically and I would not want to do it again. For me, it was a case of coming back to my roots, not far from where I grew up.
If my daughter ever moves away, as she probably will once the children have left school, I would only follow her once I am on my own, and if she wanted me to and was willing to support me in old age.
I hope you are able to make the right decision for you when the time is right.