Thank you so much for this. I have been dealing with this for months and have managed well- so what is the difference? The baby seems loved, yes. One positive in the relationship is that they are still together, though my son constantly talks of leaving her he always goes back. His father died recently and he really misses him- so there is the grief to deal with.
Their housing situation is not great, not the way I would choose to live but hey! What do I know?
Basically they live in chaos.
The baby was very small when she was born but seems to be developing ie she crawls, babbles, is being weaned. I'm unsure about the play bit- I seem to be the only one who bought her toys for Christmas but again, it is hard to say. She is very young. When I go I only stay for a short while because I'm shielding.
I have been working on my relationship with my son since his father died, but it isn't easy, Last night was a bit of a break-through, so I hope he keeps in touch.
When I go they are pleased to see me. I don't feel pushed out at all, but they have cats I am allergic too so I never feel comfortable. I also sense the strain, but rarely see the step-son. I suppose I think the Covid thing is putting a strain on everyone and everyone is the same. Maybe they aren't.
My son isn't in steady work, and the stepson worked in a pub so has no income now- although the family are not poor. I feel I am supporting them by being the only person who visits because they are very isolated, and also I feel I need to see my grandchild because I have no one else around me. She is a joy.
My son's partner has some physical and mental health problems, she is supposed to be getting counselling and my son has his own difficulties.
Having written all this I think the main worry is the conflict between the two men in the house, which has always been fraught. My son tried to throw him out but that isn't sensible. The stepson seems to be drinking too much- but I hear lots of people are. My son and his wife don't drink.
Your final paragraph sums it up. I have no one to talk this over with, so coming here has been helpful.
Thank you.