Gransnet forums


my family is a mess and I don' know what to do

(56 Posts)
keepingquiet Sat 09-Jan-21 20:59:47

I'm searching for some wisdom with how to cope with my son who is in a complicated relationship and has a 7 month old daughter. I am supposed to be in a support bubble but I only see them once a fortnight. My son tells me things about what's going on and I don't know how honest he's being. I'm just looking for some friendly support because the anxiety and the whole Covid thing is getting to me.

welbeck Sat 09-Jan-21 21:04:41

maybe some more detail would help.
what is the problem.
is he supporting you, or you him?
is he a single parent ?
have you any concerns re the child ?

Hetty58 Sat 09-Jan-21 21:06:34

It's not up to you to fix things - even if you could. Surely, right now, you want to minimise contact anyway?

Support bubbles are optional. Do you really need any help from them?

Safe contact, by phone, Zoom etc. would reduce your anxiety about Covid risk.

Look after yourself first, be a good listener - but it's up to your son to deal with his family problems.

keepingquiet Sat 09-Jan-21 21:36:53

a whole heap of problems- don't want to list them as they are complicated
I live alone- he is not supporting me at all
he is financially independent
he lives with his partner and her adult son and yes, I am very concerned about the child.

keepingquiet Sat 09-Jan-21 21:42:14

I am not trying to fix things and my contact is minimal I see no one and live alone, they are my bubble but I hardly see them.
I am the one supporting them. They see no one either- the four of them are stuck in the house together and never go out.
I am not anxious about Covid but about the baby.
Yes, it is up to him to sort his problems but can someone support me?

Hetty58 Sat 09-Jan-21 21:43:40

If you're 'very concerned' then you need to report your worries to Social Services.

FarNorth Sat 09-Jan-21 21:46:17

I agree with Hetty58.
If you have concerns about the baby's welfare you must report that to Social Services.

sodapop Sat 09-Jan-21 21:50:09

Sometimes that is all you can do keepingquiet just listen. Have you any friends you can phone or talk to on e-mail etc.
If you have serious concerns about the baby then you need to tell someone, a lot of families are finding it difficult to cope at the moment. Good luck.

Namsnanny Sat 09-Jan-21 21:58:11

Of course different people have different advice, so you will get a variety here.

I get the feeling you are really worried and think the problems concerning your baby granddaughter are of the 'important' type.

Naturally you dont want to disclose too much, so do you think you could talk to your GP about how you are coping and ask for advice on support organisations you could ring?
It seems to me you need a safe place to air your worries and get some overview of them.
Not necessarily that you feel you have to do anything for the time being.
Just to get a grasp of whats happening and how to understand how you need to proceed?

I'm not in your position, exactly but families are complicated things to negotiate sometimes, and I know about that!

I also know how it feels to be unsure and afraid of the future, and I'm sorry you are feeling like that.

Some other GNet's may have much better advice, I hope they come along soon.

BlueBelle Sat 09-Jan-21 22:01:23

Are you worried about the way they are looking after the baby or are you concerned because they re not going out and are they not going out because they are scared of CoviD
There’s not much to say without knowing what you are worrying about

Namsnanny Sat 09-Jan-21 22:07:55

Keepingquiet Could you just tell us about yourself for a while?
You clearly have internet access, do you speak to others on a different forum?
Do you like books or craft?

Maybe some worry can be alleviate for a short while by concentrating on something else for a bit?

Hithere Sat 09-Jan-21 22:15:43

You are not able to fix their problems.

I agree that if your gd is in real danger, contact the authorities

There is not enough info to give better feedback

lemsip Sat 09-Jan-21 22:25:49

you say you only see them once a fortnight and that your son tells you whats going on! Is that when you are seeing them or on the phone between seeing them

keepingquiet Sat 09-Jan-21 22:38:43

It's the weekend- there is always trouble at weekends.

keepingquiet Sat 09-Jan-21 22:39:44

No I have no one I can talk to which is why I came here

keepingquiet Sat 09-Jan-21 22:42:50

Thankyou- there is a wait for a GP appointment and what would I say? I'm not ill thank goodness. All support groups/lines are closed at weekends which is why I came here.

keepingquiet Sat 09-Jan-21 22:45:40

I have been on other forums but not ones for grandparents- there really isn't much out there.
Doing my own things does help but this is more serious.

MissAdventure Sat 09-Jan-21 22:50:30

Is your son part of the problem?
I'm wondering in what context he's telling you things.

keepingquiet Sat 09-Jan-21 22:51:24

My relationship with my son is very strained. He sort of opened up on the phone tonight but I only get half a story. If things haven't settled down by Monday I may ring social services but I'm not sure they will just dismiss my concerns. Everyone is busy I'm not sure anyone will be bothered in the present situation. They have had no support since the baby was born.

keepingquiet Sat 09-Jan-21 22:53:27


Is your son part of the problem?
I'm wondering in what context he's telling you things.

Yes he is, and the baby's mum- and the adult step son, and Covid. It is all a mess.

BlueBelle Sat 09-Jan-21 22:55:36

What is your son doing that’s worrying you so much is he harming the baby ?
You speak of your son, daughter in law and baby but then say the four of them are all shut in together who is the fourth person?

MissAdventure Sat 09-Jan-21 22:57:18

I understand your worry about it all.
I think you can ring the nspcc for advice without divulging anyone's details.

Or there will probably be helplines with advice on more specific issues.

BlueBelle Sat 09-Jan-21 22:57:28

Right just seen your last post and there is a stepson so what age?
Are they harming the baby, neglecting her, using drugs drink around her ??

MissAdventure Sat 09-Jan-21 22:58:36

There's an adult stepson, too.

cornergran Sat 09-Jan-21 23:24:00

Keepingquiet you sound at the end of your tether.

I can’t help myself but I know support would be available from the NSPCC. The helpline is 0808 800 5000, open from 9am to 6pm st the weekend, longer in the week or you can email [email protected]