Hello everyone, this is my first post. This is very long, but please read to the end.
I was born in England but now live in Israel. I am 73.
My 3rd daughter has 4 children, 8yrs,6 yrs and twins (boy & girl) 4yrs old.
Now, Israeli children are in general spoiled, undisciplined, cheeky, & demanding. The word NO is taboo.
They live ATM in a very small flat, and when we visit I feel very uncomfortable. There is absolute pandemonium all the time, the oldest girl loves to do cartwheels and jump off and on the furniture, her younger sister shouts at everyone and throws tantrums, the youngest girl is totally uncontrollable and her twin brother is manipulated by all his sisters, very often sulking.
All 4 are very intelligent and quick, very active.
Mealtimes are the worst. The 8 yr old still eats with her fingers, the kids go off to play in the middle of the meal, sometimes taking food with them, then coming back. All the kids pile lots of food on their plates and most of it gets thrown away.
Previous to the twins arrival, I said something to one of the first two which caused my daughter to take me aside and ask me to accept and respect the fact that she and her husband are bringing up the children in their way. So since then I say nothing. However, I see my wonderful daughter losing her temper, telling them off, bartering with them and at her wits end.
I was taught how to behave by a temperamental and violent mother, that was in the 1950s,a different time and different culture. I was terrified of her. Not good.
Most of the times that my wife and I go there my son-in-law is not there, always takes the opportunity of our visit to be busy.
I find it very difficult to sit and do anything with any one of them. They want to play house and I really can't do that. Now and again I do manage to sit and read a story with one or two of them. Board games re sometimes Ok with the older 2 girls.
I hope that you have the picture.
My problem is this- Last Friday we went there, and it was all as I have described. This was a long visit, about 5 hours. After a couple of hours I began to feel really physically stressed out by the non-stop noise and running around, I really wanted to get up and get out, I was controlling myself to not shout out, crossed my arms to hug myself. I was so frustrated that I could do nothing. I really felt on the verge of tears.
I do not think that anything will change unless/until the parents realize that there is a problem.
Who needs help most? Me, my daughter, the kds?
I shamefully say that I want to look out for myself, and be in that situation as little as possible, I just can't deal with it.
Any and all suggestions, comments welcome.
