New nanny - feeling a little left out

I have certainly felt a similar thing. I am amazed at how much I love my grandchildren and it is hard when you feel left out.
My DIL is lovely and welcoming but she doesn’t always think about fairness or how I am feeling which is natural. I have decided just to as much as possible be available and loving.
I know that if I had my time again with my mother in law I would have involved her more in our lives.
I hope you are able to see more of your grandchild and your husband is probably right about it being early days.

I would say you are overreacting. Baby is 3 weeks old, so the new parents will be on 24 hour duty settling in and getting to grips with parenthood. They will have friends and other relatives sending them messages, midwife/ health visitors and all the rest of the exhausting cycle. It will be more like chaos than routine. Leave them to settle in.

It’s very early days Nannyto. May I suggest you don’t message every night. They will be exhausted with a new baby and won’t have the time or energy to respond. Bide your time. Your time will come.

Congratulations on becoming a Nan ?

Personally I wouldn't be contacting them every day - try doing helpful things such as cooking "ready meals" for their freezer (check first they have space).

I think this is a regular cry on Gransnet. Try to find the positives here - they invited you over, you have seen your grandson when asked and your son and daughter-in-law are always lovely. This is a good news.
Do not fixate on what the "other" side of the family is doing and try not to compare.

Congratulations to you all!

This happens to the best of us?. New grandchild= overwhelming love = urgent need to help, cuddle, change nappies etc.

Brand new parents needing to find their feet and deal with their own emotions. Need to keep keen grandparents at arms length for a bit.

But it all settles down.

You have years now to build a relationship with your grandchildren, and it isn’t hard. I’m into my 21 st year with the first one and I adore him as much as I did at the start of his life, if not more. Hearing him say “hello nan” and then sitting with me telling me all about life/girl friend/ university course etc it is wonderful.
I am privileged that any crises (thankfully very few) he has turned up at our door seeking guidance ( I’m usually warned by DD he is coming and the problem)
You have so much to look forward to??

You can tell that feeling you are experiencing never leaves you?????

You should be on the sidelines- watching a match in which your son and his wife are feeding, changing, keeping the house tidy, maybe even working and paying bills etc etc. They need you shouting from the sidelines and motivating them to keep going. Being on the sidelines is where you will always be as a paternal grandparent but where would the team be without supporters?
It is teamwork and soon you will find a more active part but for now just wear the team colours and keep rooting for them!

Good post keeping

It is very upsetting when you feel left out, whether you actually are or not. Take it from someone who knows. We have one DIL who has included us from the birth of our granddaughter since she was an hour old. We have another DIL who has continually gaslighted us along with her parents I might add for four years. Hence, our two grandsons have given us pleasure but the pain being involved when allowed has been torturous. In short, take what is on offer if you want to be included. Develop a very strong body armour. It is the only way.

Nannyto Didn't mean to appear negative so sorry if I did. A friend once said to me 'If you are hungry then you should not be picky with the crumbs you are thrown'.

I'm wondering how many times you have been over to see them in the past three weeks? I would back off and let them settle down to a new routine. Maybe wait until they ask you over? How often your Dil sees her mother is not really in the frame, there's no need to keep a note the and let it wound you. If you don't redefine your expectations you are going to be in for years of upset.

Congratulations on your new grandson Nannyto there are lots of happy times to come with him and his family.
Having a new baby in the house is very tiring if you remember and everyone has to get into a routine of sorts. Take a step back now, don't message every day but let them know you are there if they need help. Practical things are needed, laundry, meals, shopping etc. Keepingquiet is right, it's a team effort you all play your part.

I definitely don’t mean to sound unsympathetic but the child is only three weeks old.....please don’t start on the jealousy thing already or it will eat you up. Make sure you have other things in your life and I don’t recommend the non stop texting !

I agree with nanKate.
Early days to start feeling left out.

Please dont message them every night! They have enough to do as other posters have said. Cut it down to maybe once or twice a week no matter how it pains you. Otherwise it will come across as pushy.

I think that three weeks after giving birth, the person you most want to have around is your mum? It’s not that they’re excluding you from time with the baby (even if it feels like that) it’s that the other parents are there to support their daughter more than being with the baby.

I know you want to help too. It’s just really, there’s no one like like your own mum and dad when you’re sore, tired and overwhelmed.

Like whitewavemark said, there’s plenty of time.

Your DILs parents are their for their daughter not just the baby, she's 3 weeks postpartum so she will be alot more comfortable around her parents.
The recovery is not nice and she might just want her mum.

Be paitent and congratulations!

Oh, please don't feel you are being left out.
Think back to your first - it is a huge change and brings a plethora of emotions, let alone the practicalities ! No amount of reading/ googling/ advice can ever prepare you for the reality.
I am a paternal Nanny and knew DIL would want her Mum as I did in the early days of giving birth. Didn't bother me at all.
Be patient and wait - sure you will be involved once they come up for air !

I don’t know how close your relationship is with your daughter in law, but unless it’s very close, she probably won’t really want you around, she’ll be feeling tired and tearful possibly, and needs to make a lot of adjustments.
I would back off, just let them know you’re available should they need you, it will happen, they need time that’s all.
Time and time again we hear about paternal grandparents feeling sidelined, I think maybe you have to accept that, but you’ll hopefully be a much loved person in your little grandsons life.

I was very involved with our GC when born along with maternal gran for over two years. Being there long days and over night sometimes it was extremely tiring but I wanted to help. All the time my DH spending lonely hours on his own and never complaining.
My new GC was born I decided I should be available for my DD. I still offered help when really needed but not on a time table. I will say our relationships have changed I have had to bite my tongue a great deal!
Then came lockdown our visits were dropping shopping off at the front door and waving.
We get to see GC once a week now. We see our DD once a week she does make arrangements to see my DS and family. But is often let down last minute it upsets her but its my DIL being awkward.
We have yet to see our three GC together as it’s never seems possible to be arranged. What can I say enjoy your GS when you see him be available when you can and offer help. A paternal gran quite often takes a back seat unless needed??

Just to add , have a great relationship with my DIL, GD now 2 and a half.
When they come for lunch or whatever and Mummy and Daddy say "Time to go home now " she invariably says "You go, I'll stay with Nanny "
Not that she is remotely spoiled of course !!

I remember those early days, my stitches really hurt, my son wouldn't stop crying, and the house was tip.

Let them have a few more weeks to settle into a routine and I'm sure you will be invited round.

What is your relationship like with the other GPs? You obviously all live in the same area. You might have them round for morning coffee or afternoon tea, to celebrate your joint grandchild.

Shandy
Remember it well!

Yes, I agree with above comments. It is really early, and you need to be patient. Girls do tend to gravitate towards their own mums, unless there are problems there, as in the case of one of my DIL’s.

Don’t worry, be an onlooker for now, and your time will come. Congratulations by the way ?