Multigenerational household

Don’t give yourself a small portion of the house , give yourself room to breathe and move around, or else they are getting the big house and you will have a small part of it, you will need to get separate Utility bills, so separate meters etc.
What happens if you are too unwell/ old to provide childcare? Will you do all of the cleaning and meals too?

I hope it works out for you all, I hope that you have protected your new home( and your investment) so that if it all goes pear shaped you won’t lose out to family or ex family members.

I hope you are protected financially, if the partnership breaks up. I know it doesn't seem possible now, but these things happen.

Make sure that the three of you have a signed legal agreement about what will happen if there is a parting of the ways. There are many unseen problems and you wouldn't be the first person to end in poverty because of the absence of a proper legal agreement.

Always plan for the worst scenario and then enjoy the best.

I agree that any financial situation/arrangement needs an agreement of some kind. It's the same with wills, you have to think 'what if.....?' and then consider all the possible scenarios if things took a different course from what you expect. You have to keep emotions out of it. What if your daughter died and her husband remarried or started living with someone? A horrible thought I know, but it's the same with wills, you have to consider these possibilities and what would happen.

What is plan B for you if this doesn't work out?

Have you all discussed the cohabitation rules to follow?

How are expenses shared?

What if they decide to move?

I don’t want to be the one to put a dampener up on things but this sounds like it could be very complicated.
Please do not rely on goodwill and think that x or y would never do xyz. No matter what they may say.
We lost £30k when son and girlfriend parted (and girlfriend went back on her word) because we had no legal document.

My stepdaughter has done this with her mother who sold her house so that they could buy a large property, which after months of work has a separate annex for the mother. They had a lot if legal advice about the financial aspects. I know of a family where the daughter, partner and children lived with mother in the house which the mother owned. She died last year, left it to the daughter, but, as it's in an expensive area they are now faced with a huge bill for inheritance tax. Take legal advice!

Over forty years ago we did this with my in-laws, I was reluctant from the start, but everyone else was so enthusiastic, I felt at the time I would be a real spoilsport if I refused.
We bought a big house between us, to be honest, we put in less money, and had more house, but I was never really comfortable with the arrangement. My mother in law couldn’t actually help interfering, it was undoubtedly with the best of intentions, but it used to drive me mad. Of course there were babysitting advantages, but I think on balance, I’d have preferred to have got a babysitter.
We stuck it out for about ten years, no real damage was done, but I way so glad to get out.
We are now multi generational living again, our daughter came home over a year ago with three children. I can’t say it’s without tension, but generally it works quite well. I can’t stand the mess, but accept that for the moment it’s their home, and they need to be comfortable and happy, but I’m looking forward to the day my daughter announces she’s saved enough for a deposit!
If you are going to go ahead, be prepared for compromise and practice biting your tongue.

I once worked with someone whose father died and her mother split her house into two flats one for the girl and her boyfriend and one for herself as she no longer needed the larger house. This seems to me to be a good solution as it was two self contained flats and if something went awry with the daughter's relationship and the flat needed to be sold, the mother was still secure.

I have been living in my house with dh, dd, sil and 3 gc for 3 years now. It is not ideal even though we do all try to be considerate to each other. Having visitors to stay (before covid) was difficult on both sides and sharing a garden I find difficult. It has positives though, baby/dog sitting is easier.

Nanny27
I agree, it’s far from ideal. I go through phases of thinking I can’t put up with it, but I know there is no real alternative if our daughter wants to save money.
The children are lovely, my daughter is very easy going, but they are all messy and untidy, and noisy, so noisy!

My parents, 90's lived with us as did our son, his partner and 2 children, 2 and 3 months. It was a life of big nappies little nappies, sleepless nights and hectic days. Oh and my husband is disabled and I worked. Some days hell but mostly it was lovely as the generations mixed. I have wonderful videos and pictures and our grandchildren daughter just remembers her great grandad and grandma.

sara1954
Your house sounds just like mine! Yes, the noise! When they play downstairs you can't hear yourself think and when they play upstairs I swear they'll come through the ceiling!
Like yours my dd is easy going but this means the mess can be overwhelming.
We are never lonely but crave our own space. Like yours our dd needs to save so it seems to be the only option for now.

Since DH died I have had DS and his son living with me. DS's girlfriend broke up with him so they are sharing the boy's care, but he is with us most of the time. DS gets very little money so there is literally nowhere else he can go. We all seem to get along all right. GS is 7 and ADHD and ASD so certainly loud but it's fine. I still have full financial control, the house is mine and I pay the bills.

It can be a bit of a minefield Mattsmums2 tbh.
My x mil moved in with her dd and things got qiue heated at times.
I do hope it goes well for you,and i advise you take the advise from gransnetters.

When my marriage broke down when my son was a baby, I had to move in with my parents.
We worked it out that we divided the housework between us, As the kitchen was my mum's domain, she did the cooking (nothing I ever did was right, my methods were all wrong so it was safer that way to avoid rows) I did the food prep such as peeling veg etc and the washing up.
We each did our own laundry - although my mother's obsession with ironing often meant that I used to get home from being out or at work and the ironing was done!
Socially we worked out a system that we had our own social circle and ne'er the twain would meet!
Maybe sit down and almost draw up an agreement between yourselves of who does what when etc just to start off on the understanding that it is flexible and can be changed as needed.

I do wonder if you are having second thoughts to have asked the question here.

It sounds lovely, MattsMum, but be careful you aren’t just there because your money is needed.

I’m sure you will find it lovely having your family so close by, but with your own front door!

I second the advice regarding a proper legal agreement between you and eventuality clauses if your daughter and her partner decide to move, or have to at some point due to work.

What happens if you need sheltered accommodation later on?

We are a right set of Job's comforters, aren't we?

I am sure this kind of arrangement can work very well, I know of families were it has, so I hope you will read the advice given here in the spirit in which it was meant.

In the "communes" of the 1970s and 1980s no bones were made about having house rules and holding a weekly or monthly meeting to tackle any problems that had arisen and make plans for future expenditure or allocating household tasks. It worked well, so you might want to discuss it with the your daughter and her partner.

Sure you will have really considered what this means for you and the others. As suggested, make sure your investment is well protected. If a separate annex is created then you will need separate utility bills and Council tax if there is no connection between the two properties. You do seem to be taking on a lot of responsibility with the property and childcare.

When I was a girl my father wanted his aging parents to stay close by, so he built an annexe for them and they moved in. It was nice being close to my grandparents and grandma in particular was a wonderful jolly old lady. Unfortunately one day my parents fell out with them and there was a lot of shouting between them. Grandma called my father "You little worm" which thinking back was funny as she was under 5ft tall and he was 5ft 8. My grandparents left next day and were never reconciled. I never knew what the problem was. Dad let the annexe to an elderly widow.

I’d think very, very carefully about whether you want to be a constantly ‘on tap’ baby sitter.

Nanny27
How old are your grandchildren?

No hints but sounds exciting and lovely ?

My first thoughts were that you should make sure you are financially protected if the relationship sadly fails. Also have outside interests so that you don’t become the full time childcare. Having said that I wish you well in this exciting project.