Confused Nannie

It is really important that you draw the lines where you want them to be. Not wanting to look after your GD is nothing to do with not caring/not loving etc. It is entirely reasonable that you want to build a happy relationship with your granddaughter over the years looking after her twice weekly. Other than that, I assume you would happily do extra in a real emergency. But for the rest it is also entirely reasonable that you want your own free time, other things in your life etc.

I think you need to be clear and say that you love the 2 days regular childcare but it is tiring and can't manage extra unless it is an exceptional emergency. And stick to it.

Sorry - should have proof read before sending.First line should be "still had the two youngest"

I have helped out with all four of my grandchildren at various times and still have the two youngest ( 6 and 9 ) after school and for tea and baths on Fridays. It was getting too tiring ( am in my 70s but fit and well ) and I found the recent lockdown the ideal time to change things. I now say I am happy to have them for tea but no baths etc afterwards. Nobody is offended but I found it hard as I love them and they love to come. Think the Covid situation is an ideal opportunity to set new rules.

Calendargirl - that is exactly one of the things Bungle says she's confused about.

My friend was a professional childminder and looked after her first grandson full-time.
Her daughter would sometimes ask my friend's husband if they could have him for the evening or over the weekend, grandad would agree then invariably go out and assume my friend would be happy to look after the child.
This left her feeling resentful, guilty and angry with all of them, and she hated feeling this way.
You're not being unreasonable at all Bungle and it's best to be honest and sort out what you're happy to do sooner rather than later.

Why do they need babysitting on bank holidays and weekends?

Replying no and having personal boundaries is healthy

Why do they expect you to have her on a bank holiday and weekends? Unsure if you mean your DD works full time or just the days you have her, whatever, they need to look after their own child as well.

I'm another who would laugh and say "you must be joking, I'm already knackered". Say it nicely and happily, and with love and I'm sure they will understand!

Thanks for all your comments that's made me feel much better

I’d be honest and say something like, ‘Look, I’m sorry, but much as I love her, two days are tiring enough - I do need the other days free.’

I don’t think parents necessarily realise how tiring childcare can be for grandparents, particularly older ones. (I’m an older granny, 67 when the first arrived, followed within 5 years by 2 and 3.).

Except for maybe the occasional one-off, I think it would be very unreasonable to expect weekend/BH childcare from a GP.

I’m always puzzled when parents who have to work and have childcare, then don’t want to spend their non-work time with their children either.

Yes, as the short answer to your question. I have seven, nearly eight grandchildren, and love them all dearly, but after having brought up four children, and stayed at home, the best job in the world, it’s now ‘ me and hubby’ time.
Don’t feel guilty, you’ve done your bit, and you’re not doing a service to them in the long run, if they off load on you all the time. My lovely memories come from the amount of time I spent with my children. I wouldn’t have had those if they were always with grandparents. Not that the grandparents were capable anyway!
There are grandparents on here chomping at the bit to always be doing things with their grandchildren, even overnight. That’s great if it suits everyone. It certainly isn’t for me. Done that, got all the clothes, not just the T shirt!
Do what’s right for you, enjoy and then hand back?

I looked after my granddaughters for two or three days a week some times more if DIL mum wasn’t able. Twelve hour shifts it absolutely drained me but I loved being involved. Quite often I was expected to do weekend days if my son was working.

I was finding the long hours too much my DH and I had become passing ships in the night. We had just retired and that wasn’t even considered by my DS or DIL
I helped out for nearly three years but I decided it was too demanding. I said I would help when necessary but not on a strict timetable as I then had another GC to consider.

It’s not unusual to be taken for granted so you do have to stand your ground with what you are prepared to do. If you don’t set boundaries you will resent it. You want to enjoy your GC and help but there are limits and you have to set them.

Maybe your daughter and her husband have persuaded themselves you can't get enough of their little girl.

You could repeat to them what you've said here. You love your granddaughter and enjoy having her for two days. However you do find it tiring and need a proper rest in between and space to do your own thing. Don't feel you're making excuses. You're giving a genuine reason. If you need to remind them you're not getting any younger

My two year old granddaughter is a delight, she’s funny, loving, imaginative and very precious, but she’s very hard work.
Do not feel guilty, we’ve done our bit.

Say no, but there’s no need for a drama. Just laugh and say sorry love she wears me out. I’m getting old! My DD asks me sometimes but there’s no expectations. It’s just an ask. I think if you keep these things light it’s much easier. Btw 2 year olds are tough. It gets a bit easier past 3 in my experience Good luck. Make sure you enjoy the time. It won’t come back.

Spot on EllanVannin.
The more you do the more they let you.

My friend refused to look after her grandchildren too often saying that she had done her time raising children and they were her children’s responsibility. She was quite adamant about it.

This isn't fair and you should make your DD understand that weekends and Bank Holidays are your times.
Tell them that you've made other arrangements.
2 year olds can be full-on at the best of times and if you have one who is wilful it makes the job of looking after them much harder.

I know that a refusal can be difficult for you but better to say something now than have a feeling of resent creeping in.