Naming of step grandparents

My daughter in law’s daughter has a little boy and he calls us Nana and Grandad, just like our (blood) grandchildren. His mother and her mother approve, in fact our daughter in law started it when she brought him to visit us as I would never have presumed. He calls my son, actually his step grandparent, by his childish nickname that the whole family use as he didn’t want to be called grandad.

My other half (we’re not married, lived together over 20 years) is called pop-pop by my daughters children. She calls him by his Christian name. He will be called pop-pop by any of the future grandchildren from the three we’ve brought into this world together too!

A lot of families will often choose to use ie Granddad.....Grandpa....and then use the grandfather's first name as well adding it on. The children then can distinguish who is who. If your daughter is unhappy about this then perhaps your husband should just be known by his first name only if he doesn't wish to be called "uncle". It sounds as if her father is a bit jealous and he shouldn't be influencing her in this. I think grandparents should be allowed some say in the title they are known by including step grandparents.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I have been married to my second husband for 23 yrs and he has been such a huge part of my children’s life. All our grandchildren (3 and 1 on the way) call me Nanny and he is Grandpa. They have another Nanny married to my ex and he is Grandad and they have another set of grandparents each too. We have been lucky not to have had a problem. It would have broken my husbands heart if he couldn’t have been called grandpa as it would seem the family didn’t think of him as that important role. He loves them enormously as if they were his own blood, just as I’m sure your husband loves his.

My husband who I was with before the first grandchild came along has always been Grampy now by all seven grandchildren and he dotes on them all and does far more for them than my ex, and In return they all love him to bits and wouldn’t dream of using the term step

Jillybird

My Down syndrome grandson chose a name himself - he refers to my partner as "Mr 'Christian name'".

How lovely - like that heart rending film, “ Goodnight, Mr. Tom”, starring John Thaw.

I remarried 17 years ago having even on my own for 12 years since my first husband died.
We have three adult children between us who we refer to as our son and daughters and two grandchildren aged 15 and 12 both call my husband Grandad and we would not have it any other way. They both know their mum’s dad died at a young age, when their mum was only 11, so have only ever known my hubby as Grandad and rightly so in my opinion, to call him anything else would break his heart and mine.

Compromise is needed on both sides. When my first GC was born my daughter asked us both what we would like to be known as. My DH (her stepdad) said he would like to be known as “Taid” the welsh name for grandfather.
Time moves on and all 4 lovely grandchildren now refer to him lovingly as “Taidy”. Great solution by all and does not tread on the toes of either “natural” grandfathers.

My stepgrandchildren refer to me as 'Apple'
My husband's stepgrandchild calls him 'Granddad' and his first name.

My husband and I have a combined family with 19 grandchildren and we are Nannie and Grandad to all! The children differentiate between us and their other grandparents in different ways - Baz is called Deedad by two, alternatively its Nannie and Grandad and Grandma and grumpy Grandad and some add our names - Nannie Laureen and Grandad Baz!

I can understand how upsetting it can be not to be recognised as a 'grandparent' especially if that is the role you have in the family. It does cause barriers and a certain coldness - real or imagined, that can be potentially damaging.

I have friends who have no 'blood' link to their grandchildren - but the love and cohesiveness in that family is a joy to behold! Those children have an incredible bond and a cross generational support that many aspire to.

What's in a name?

A great deal! I undertook research on this as part of an education degree - names are crucial to how we learn, what lessons we learn and our relationship with learning - no matter what age.

My dd and subsequently dgc called my step father grandad. My dad was also grandad to my daughter, he died when she was young.
It really is up to the mother, as much as this upsets you both. Sad situation.
Ultimately kids will find something to call you all that suits them. (I was named after an American president for a while as dgd couldn't say grandma ?).
Don't fall out over a name ?

My GC have my DH as grandad, me as nanny Gypsy (because we have Gypsy the dog). holiday Nanny (as she lives in Spain and under normal circumstances they see her on their holidays) and their other GD and his wife who is called by her first name. That said when they mention their nannies the pair of them say they have three. Thankfully the naming of us all came out of our GDs lips when she first started to talk and has now passed to her brother so we all just took it as read.

But your granddaughter is not your husbands granddaughter, so why should he be called Grandpa/Grandad?

My late partner was/is Grandpa John. I find "Uncle" a bit odd tbh and if it were me would much prefer my first name. GC have a habit of choosing what they are going to call you as they grow up. My DGS2 calls me GG pronounced Gigi as I'm the greatest grandma!

My grandchildren refer to all their grandparents step or otherwise and Nana and Grandad followed by their first name and I think it is wonderful that they literally have a whole collective of grandparents around them.

I am just called my Christian name by my stepchildren and grandchildren I refer to the children as my grandchildren I was very very touched and delighted to get stepmum stepgran cards on Mother's Day though

suzandy7 - in our family we have always used the terms Grandma and Grandpa followed by the name - and that has worked for the benefit of everyone involved which does include biological grandfathers and step-grandfathers, and mothers too. Personally, I think the person who needs a shake-up is your ex-husband if he really is the reason why your daughter resists your hubby being called grandpa. Perhaps you could ask your daughter what the aversion is, especially as your hubby is her step-dad and has stood the test of time.

My children always called my husband by his Christian name not sure why they were 7yrs and 10yrs when we married but my grandchildren all call him grandad and that is what he is to their children.

Don't get hung up about a name. I divorced when my children were small. We both remarried and the children call their steps by first names. My grandchildren have 3 sets of grandparents, we are all called nanny, granny, grandda etc, names of their choosing. My step grandchildren call me by my first name. There is a lot of love all round, its not important who calls whom what.

This is a matter that really calls for tact.

I too feel that it is really a matter for your daughter and her husband to decide,

That said, it is unfortunate that she has suggested Uncle and your husband is hurt by this.

You didn't actually mention a son-in-law, but I assume there is one, so there are two biological grandfathers involved here.

They obviously cannot all be called the same, can they?

So if, as I assume, Granddad and Grandpa are already taken, you and your husband need to think outside the box.

Could you come up with something he would be happier with than "uncle" and then could one of you very diplomatically mention to your daughter that he would be happier if the little one came to know him by that name?

English is restricted in not making a distinction between mother's father or mother and father's, so there is less choice.

If you don't have any other linguistic connections, which would make it appropriate for him to be Opa or Abuelo or some such title, then perhaps Gramps (which I personally don't care for, as I feel it is too close to grumps and grumpy) or something like Dada or Papa or Papi with his given name after it, might provide a compromise you all can live with.

But please, do not spoil your relationship to your daughter and grandchild by being too insistant here. It is far better to swallow your disappointment than to risk estrangement.

In your position OP I would bring up the subject lightly when your daughter and her husband are alone with you.
It is a decision for both of them.
Explain that your husband is hurt by not being referred to as grandpa and Uncle is not appropriate. You may both have to compromise, perhaps just his first name or Papa or something similar.
Try not to make it a huge issue.

Grandad. Granpops. Poppy. Pops.
These are generic alternatives to Grandpa I have heard used.
Using a Christian name only doesn’t feel right to me … but then, looking back, it was a bit confusing, as a child of the 50’s using Uncle/Aunt for everyone.

My brother-in-law is called 'Parpar' by his 18-month-old grandaughter, and my sister is called 'Gra'. These are her own pronunciations of Grandpa and Grandma, and I think they're very cute. My grandson called me 'Nanny' when he was first speaking, and I was happy to be Nanny, but as his speech improved, it became 'Gwanny' and then 'Granny'. I think my favourite was 'Gwanny', but that was only until he could say his 'r's!

No doubt this baby will come up with her own version of 'Uncle X'!

My husband, my children’s stepfather, is called Grandad by our two GC’s, their choice, my children call him by his Christian name.
I really don’t understand the upset OP.