Naming of step grandparents

I am getting married in January and my partner is fantastic with the grandchildren - especially the little ones who love him as he plays silly with them all the time. The 8 year old asked him last week ' when you marry Granny can I call you grandpa'? - he replied ' thats a chat we will have to have'. When asked why he didn't say ' yes' he said I don't want to offend their real Grandpa ! - He is called Poppa anyway and rarely sees them due to the distance - so I am now wondering if I should let this be his decision and explain to my grandson that calling him by his first name - as he does now - is much more grown up and they are now great friends.

have you asked her why she wants your husband called uncle, after all its up to her what she teaches her daughter to call him and the child will eventually call him all sorts of different names as she will you

I have step grandchildren. They call me Neenz which is a sort of family name for me sometimes.

Our 3 year old granddaughter calls her stepgrandad by the same special name she developed for my husband. It upsets us, not least because it's appropriate for my husband, but not for her stepgrandad. However we haven't said anything because we don't want to cause any ill feelings and also because we assume she thinks this is the name for all grandads and doesn't yet understand what makes it special to my husband.

I’m about to become a step grandparent, they asked me what I wanted to be called, we live in France so I went for Gros mere, the French option. My husband will be Gros Pere and and I think my Stepdaughters mothers wife will also be Grandpa,

Husband I meant sorry

Let the child call him whatever they want

oh my step relations can be difficult. i called my stepdad by his christian name an my children called him grandad. how about poppa grampy or something similar. 22 months is very young and you will probably find she will find her own name for him. if you are grandma then uncle is confusing. it will sort out.

All my stepchildren have always called me by my name, they were all adults when I first met them. The step-grandchildren all call me granddad eejit and thier other is granddad Alan.

My children think that steps should be called by Christian name or nickname. The babies will grow up loving whoever's...the name doesnt matter. The person is special to them whatever they are called. One of the steps had nickname 'Totes' and this is special but doesnt breach the blood relatives like. Could you ask for him to be called something like that?

I have a step daughter who has a 7 month old baby, my hubby is Grandpa and I'm Granny. My Mum is called Nanny Beryl as she was Nanny Beryl to my children and both my step children. My youngest son used to call my hubby Papa which he did off his own back. Are you close to your daughter? I think that this is a tricky one as you don't want to fall out but to feel like you do so also awful. When you buy Christmas cards etc for the little one get one stipulating Grandad and Granny etc and maybe read the card out to her, I would do that anyway when my grandson gets older. I do feel that calling him Uncle is rather strange, I'd rather be called by my first name that be called Auntie. Please don't fall out with your daughter over this and likewise your husband. That being said I would feel very uncomfortable if one of my boys had a child and my boys decided that that my hubby was to called something other than Grandpa, Grandad etc then I would have a gentle chat with them, we are all very close though and I'm certain it wouldn't damage our relationship, but I know my hubby would be devastated.

Why can't another term for grandfather be chosen? He is not the child's uncle (uncle implies the same generation as the parent) so really don't think that appropriate.

It is the parents' decision for their child really. The grandparents have no say and maybe this is how it should be. I divorced and my husband quickly remarried someone who did not want children. He and I have 5 adult children between us and 5 grandchildren. My daughter gave her dad's wife an honorary name she would be called by the 2 children. This is not liked by the 'step" grandparent but there is nothing she can do about it. In contrast one if my son's and my DIL gave her the name Nana which I have had a hard time accepting. There are only 3 grandparents in this family as both DIL's parents are deceased. So the children have two Nana's and we are distinguished between by our first names being added - this having been done by my ex and his wife. Now as far as I am concerned I am just Nana, the only blood grandmother they have. There is nothing I can do about it but the labels attached to us can and do hurt. I just put up with it for the sake of the kids' well-being but I still do not like it.

My GC call my DH Grandpa, my ex is Grandad and their mother's dad is Papa. They are lucky to have 3 Grandfathers and they can differentiate with the different names

Exactly. Perfect name...makes you special no suggestion of taking away grandparents rule from others

My daughter was 13 when I met my husband, she just called him by his first name. Then when the grandchildren came along she asked him what he would like to be called, there was already a 'Grandad' and a 'Grampy', so as a laugh and because when I first met him, I thought he looked like a grumpy teddy bear, I suggested 'Grumps'. He loves it and so do the grandchildren.

My husband is called Pops by our Granddaughters. My daughter doesn’t have anything to do with her birth Father, my husband had been a real Dad to her for years.
However she wanted to keep the name Granddad free in case her daughters wanted to meet him in years to come and have a relationship with him.
Your husband should be able to choose his own name, there’s plenty of lovely names now, maybe suggest a few to your daughter.
Also maybe point out that it might seem strange to the Grandchildren when they get older that an uncle is married to their Grandmother. x

My son always knew my stepdad as his grandad, I’m grandma to my husbands daughters children. There has never been any questioning of it from blood grandparents it’s just the way it’s always been. It doesn’t confuse children it makes them feel so lucky to have extra grandparents. I too would feel heartbroken if I was to be called by my name by our grandchildren as I love them unconditionally. Obviously your daughter has her own mind maybe you could express the pain it is causing and if her father has coerced her maybe by guilt tripping her.
It’s definitely not a trivial matter as one person posted, it’s very important to you and your husband or you wouldn’t have posted it.

Hello, My step granddaughter call us Nanna and Grandad, no problem.

Doesn't matter what your daughter wants, I think you will find that your GD will think of her own name for him!
Doesn't have to be Grandad, there are other choices - Pa, Granpa, Pappy , Nonno , Gramps.
There might be something he does that will give him the name - I can remember one of my aunts was called "Cuckoo" by some of her grandchildren - that was what she used to call out of the window if she saw them coming down the path!

This is a tricky one. You see my granddaughter calls her our grans long term partner. Grandad and her birth grandad. Which Was my ex daughter inlaw choice. But my granddaughter calls her mums new husband step dad and my son her daddy. But my other son married a lass with a child. He calls me step nanna that was his choice I was quite happy for him to call me by my first name. But he calls my son by his first name and his dad gets dad. And his bro knows I’m his nanna lol but at end of day it’s not what you want it’s what your daughter wants, and it’s her choice so move on or she might stop you seeing your granddaughter and trust me that will hurt a lot more.

My step granddaughter has always called me by my christian name as in my opinion you only have two grand mums and two grand dads.

My grandson has a new partner and she has a little boy the same age as my grandsons little boy (3 years old). Our great granndson calls us Papa and Ma and the new little boy calls us that as well even though we are no relation to him.
I think the daughter in the original message is being ridiculous demanding her child call him uncle, if he isnt a grandparent then he isnt an uncle either.

Chances are your little GD will choose a name of her own making for your husband, which would be especially nice as it will be unique to him.

Alternatively, perhaps she could call him Grandad/Grandpa/Pappa and his christian name (eg Pappa Fred), and do the same with her natural grandfather with his name.

I think your daughter is worrying unnecessarily about what may happen in the future and how her birth father may feel about it. As he lives some distance away and is not an everyday part of her life or your GDs, and especially if he's a bullying, controlling man then I wouldn't consider his feelings too much. He hasn't earned that consideration.

Our step granddaughter calls me Nana name and DH Nana name as she has learning difficulties and
doesn't understand the difference.
With our son's birth child I started out as Nana name then it went to Nan until one day a record came on the radio
which he thought was my name but it was actually 'windo' and now he's 16 and apart from our step granddaughter
our other grandchildren all call me 'Windo'.
I do think that some children decide themselves what to call their grandparents and does it matter as long as
they love and respect you.