Paying?

Ask your son if he is paying or if you are paying. If you can't afford it, tell him. I wouldn't expect my children to pay for me at grandchildren events. If they did, it would be nice.

I wonder if he does expect you to pay or maybe he was just letting you know that food would be available? The only way to find out is to ask him. If he does then I would just pay and go, assuming that you can afford to. If not then explain that you would love to go but cannot afford it. It's difficult, but I imagine that if you fall out over this then you may not get invited in the future. It would be a pity to miss out.

I would contact your son and say that one of you will be delighted to go but it is a bit too much for both of you. Hopefully that will jog his conscience that £24 is a lot to find for some people.

Agree with all of the above.

Oh dear, that is difficult. I have a son and I would just ask him, to please clarify the matter. I’m sure he won’t mind .

Is there an option to go to see the play but not stay for the meal or does the ticket include both things. Is it a full meal or just snacks/buffet type food. I would say you will just go to see the play and won't be staying for the meal if that is acceptable to you either eat before you go or afterwards at home. To be honest I don't think it is a lot of money if it is a full meal, but everybody circumstances are different. I appreciate you have a lot of grandchildren.

I would ask if he and his wife are intending to stay for the food, and if they are I would pay and stay too. It would have been better if he had let you know about the food when he invited you, but possibly he didn’t know then either.

And dont’ apologise for your English. It is far, far better than my Danish ❤️

Karen your English is very good.
It is not ‘Danish’ in any way .

If it was just a screen shot your son sent it could be just to let you know about times etc but I would just ask him. Some schools here charge money just to see the show with never a meal or even a cup of tea or coffee.
It is lovely to see the children so would be a shame if you didn’t go.

Given that it is a kindergarten show, i guess it is not going to be very long or very late. Maybe the meal is an optional extra?
You need to ask your son for clarification, then decide.

Why not ask if he has already paid? Or "would you like me to contribute to the tickets?"

I hope he has already bought them!
A screenshot may just be (as others have said) to give you more info.

Hope you have a lovely time.

Do you really want to go? Could you just see the play, but not stay for food? £12 sounds a lot to be honest, for something children are doing, even if there is something to eat after. Unless it’s a banquet! How old is your grandchild?

I would just chat with your son, explaining you didn’t realise the cost involved, and you’re finding it hard financially. He may just offer to pay, or at least help. I know I’d want to go to anything my grandchildren do, but there’s always a limit.

Hope you enjoy if you decide to go.

I think your son is being a little mean even mentioning the cost, and I would expect him to treat you, his main thought should be that his child has grandparents to see his play. Of course you want to go so ask him to pay for your tickets and you will settle up when you see him.

This seems a large amount of money for a nursery performance, but perhaps it is a fund raising event. I don't know how nurseries function in Denmark; are they state provided and need to raise extra funds? Ask your son if you can see the performance without staying for the refreshments.

Karen1963 If your adult children are aware that your finances are limited, I would expect them to treat you - and perhaps that is their intention. If you find you are expected to pay, perhaps you can say you would prefer to skip the food since it is an added expense you have not budgeted for.

I also agree that the cost should have been mentioned right at the start if it is a cost you are expected to incur.

It seems from what you say that having to buy so many presents at Christmas, birthdays, etc. is putting a financial strain on you. Perhaps it is time to explain at a later stage that you will have to cut back on this by giving smaller, inexpensive gifts. It may well be that your children are not aware of the strain this puts on your finances.

Your English is excellent by the way.

I am sorry that you are not in a financial position to go to the little one’s ‘play’. Perhaps your son doesn’t expect you to pay - he just sent you a screen shot of the programme. That’s all it was. And if he’s aware of your financial position, I doubt he will expect you to pay. I agree, children and grandchildren can be an expensive joy. I have 3 children and 6 grandchildren. I will die a pauper ? good luck and by the way, your English is very good ,

If the screen shot was just for information and your son is paying then I think he should have sent a text with details that didn't include how much he was paying OR added a message saying it's my treat.
I would just tell him you can't afford to go. I think £12 each is a bit much. Especially if its not optional. I also think missing a kindergarten play isn't that important tbh.
You sound like you are spending more than you feel comfortable with generally. I think it's time to be honest and just say presents will be less expensive from now on.
Your English is very good by the way. ?

Your English is excellent karen. Are you sure your son didn't just send the screen shot for information about the event without really thinking about the implied cost. Check to see if the refreshments are optional as others have said.
Maybe it's time to have an honest talk with your children and explain your financial situation and that you are finding it expensive to buy presents for all the grandchildren much as you love them

Eloethan

Karen1963 If your adult children are aware that your finances are limited, I would expect them to treat you - and perhaps that is their intention. If you find you are expected to pay, perhaps you can say you would prefer to skip the food since it is an added expense you have not budgeted for.

I also agree that the cost should have been mentioned right at the start if it is a cost you are expected to incur.

It seems from what you say that having to buy so many presents at Christmas, birthdays, etc. is putting a financial strain on you. Perhaps it is time to explain at a later stage that you will have to cut back on this by giving smaller, inexpensive gifts. It may well be that your children are not aware of the strain this puts on your finances.

Your English is excellent by the way.

Good reply, I can’t think of a better one.

I think that often our children, who are used to having good incomes, just don't even consider that some parents are not rolling in spare money and have to be careful how their income is spent.

I have no easy answer - if you tell them you don't wish to spend that amount on the meal they may think you are mean, but if you don't say anything your finances may well be strained.

What a shame they didn't just tell you everything was paid for you.

I agree with others I have never been to any paid for kids concerts often a voluntary contribution for something or other but not anything else but maybe it’s different in Denmark (your English is great by the way) I think the best way to avoid any concerns is to say we d love to come to the concert but we won’t stay for the meal afterwards that gives him the clue to say ‘oh we ve already bought the tickets’ or ‘well it was going to be our treat’ or if a bit on the mean side ‘ok up to you’
I do find money and kids hard I have one child who is way way better off than me or my other two I normally send all three the same amount for birthdays and Christmas but I know it is not really needed by one but definitely by the other two but I feel incredibly mean to consider not giving them all the same I find it a really impossible dilemma

I would ask about the meal and paying. If you possibly can go you should as it is lovely to have the memories later on.
Bluebelle similar situation regarding the children's income, we just give them all the same on the basis it is a gift but I agree it is difficult to feel you have done the right thing.

Luluaugust, BlueBelle same here!

karen If it feels awkward to address this now, could you bite the bullet and pay this once?
But, contact them afterwards and say you would like to clarify the situation with regards to the financial obligations ie presents, gifts and outings for any future situations.
Brilliant English!

It is great to have been invited!

Maybe it is the school's rule to have attendees pay for the food at the event? Is it something organized on top of the event?

In my daycare, when it is a fall/summer/winter/ special event situation, every parents picks an item from the list and brings it to the party- apart from paying the daycare fee

I also want to bring up the idea that "the parents have a higher income than the grandparents".
The parents may also have a higher expense level due to their phase in life, so passing the buck from the gp to the parents is immature.