Extremely challenging two year old.

Yes it might be your grandchild but it’s not your child and your daughters child and she should have a back up incase of emergency. I mean what would she do if you end up hospital unexpectedly. I care for my grandkids and so do the other parents. But daughter inlaw doesn’t always reply on us. She as a childminder. As she said we’re had our children and we should beable to enjoy our time with them not feel like we obliged to care for them. Even if we don’t mind having them.

The best thing for tantrums is to just sit by the child quietly, to make sure that he does nothing to damage himself or anything else during the tantrum. If he is rampaging and throwing himself around and could hurt himself , gently hold his wrists or hands to restrain him slightly.

Once he calms down, in a quiet calm voice offer him a drink and give him a silent cuddle and then gently move on to other things, read a book, play a quiet game, or anything he suggests.

He will be exhausted, not quite knowing what he did and why, but just needs to know that the adults around him kept calm and were always there.

Remember you are bigger and stronger than him, there is no need to be frightened of him or his tantrum. Just let him play it out and then offer quiet comfort to his forlorn soul.

espee it really does not help when someone asks for advice about tantrums to brag about this magical mystery world your children grew up in , having no tantrums and being total angels. I am pretty sure you must be in the minority. My three DC are now mature, peaceful, high qualified and much respected in their chosen professions, though as youngsters there were times when I doubted that either they or I would survive to reach this stage, such were their tantrums and our two DGC can certainly match their mum!
Tantrums are horrible and exhausting but they are a natural part of being 2 and 3. We must each find our own way of dealing with them, but one thing is definite, many cuddles and kisses and reassurances are needed when they are over. I agree with others that what happens at the other GPs is not your worry. We all like to think we are better / more loved / make our GC happier than the other GPs and I think our AC sometimes feed into this desire by downplaying what the other GPs do. I suspect they probably do more than you have been told and if they have a severely disabled son to care for, the presence in their lives of non disabled children is important to them.
Finally, I don't think they are being passed from pillar to post. My DH and I have our DGC alternate Wednesdays. The other GP have them the opposite Wednesday. Their mum works 4 days and has them every Monday. Their dad works 4 days and has them every Friday. They go to nursery on Tuesdays and Thursdays. We have always looked on this as being an absolutely ideal arrangement as the children get love, attention, stimulation and socialisation from everyone who loves them most with the skills that nursery can provide as well.
Next time your DGC stays for a sleepover, wait till they are sweetly sleeping, gaze at them and remember that this time will soon be gone and you will become a "duty visit". I am so dreading that happening.

Some of the calmest people in our family had the most spectacular tantrums when they were toddlers. One was a breath holder (scary).

Perhaps they got it all out of their system when they were tiny!

Callistemon, all my kids were really challenging and naughty and then were almost comatose when teens onwards

This sound more like competitive grandparents and the 2 year old is the prize for whoever does best. Perhaps he enjoys his other grandparents more because it is relaxed without expectations. Tantrums are usually related to pushing the boundaries/deprived of an enjoyment/or both. I suggest stop competing and enjoy the child.

This is normal temper tantrums for a two year old. Generally they grow out of it by three years old, unless there is an underlying issue medically speaking. I just wondered if a set time to go outside for play would help. Say after lunch, and say so to the child. You have been so good this morning, we are going to the park after lunch to feed ducks etc. Reward him for being good. I used to abandon shopping trips and park play to take my home. Fast asleep by the time i reached home. Tantrum gone....

Oops. Take mine home

I think the term ' temper tantrum ' is wrong and overused. The child is telling you he is unhappy so make him and you happy, problem solved. ( mum of 3, granny of 5)

There is a fantastic book by Philippa Perry called The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and your children will be glad you did). Published in 2018, it has advice on how to respond to the tantrums. I have followed her advice with my own 2 year old grandchild and been amazed to find how right she is.

This sound more like competitive grandparents and the 2 year old is the prize for whoever does best. Perhaps he enjoys his other grandparents more because it is relaxed without expectations.

This is a good point. I remember when my son was younger and went to grandma for a few hours (just because she liked him to visit, not a regular thing as I didn't work) she would have done more different "big lroduction" activities in a few hours tha I did in a week. No downtime. He'd be impossible for a day or two afterwards!!

As an initial reaction to this, as hard as it is, I think it’s really for your daughter and son-in-law to sort out. We’ve had our time as parents, and as much as it’s lovely if we can help with grandchildren, we should never be made to feel bad if we can’t.

I don’t really understand how you would know how the other grandparents are, unless your daughter/ son in law are telling you, in which case this isn’t good.

As regards tantrums, I’m not surprised more children are having them, perhaps more so than when we were parents. I never really saw it, except once in a supermarket. We had much more freedom in the way we parented. Now, I feel, our children’s parenting is almost being policed. My husband said it’s gone from the parent saying ‘ no ‘, to the child saying it, with no consequences.

This aside, you have to do what’s best for you, and leave your children to work out what’s best for their child.